dannymaccs
New Member
I think everyone in this world has potential to be a better version of themselves, in some cases much much better. I see myself as someone who had so much potential as a kid, I was cute, smart, funny, loving, affectionate, sportive, competitive. As a kid growing up, you would look at me and say this guys gonna live a good happy life. I had many friends, both girls and guys liked to be around me. Too bad that good happy life stopped while I was young. I won't put all the blame on pornography and masturbating, but since about 9, that is probably the only thing that i kept being passionate about up until now. Passionate... because of course I was and am addicted. When I watch porn everything in my life stops and I'm so focused on the whole procedure. That's what it is, a procedure. It starts with the excitement of the journey I'm about to embark on. That alone sends so many signals to my brain. Imagine just the thought that I'm about to start surfing the net for porn get's me so mentally aroused. Then once I start, It's game over. I've actually been late to street hockey games with my friends to finish jerking off. back then I didn't care, actually up until a few years ago I didn't care.
.........The reason I started this new paragraph, is to show you how I Just want to always give up on anything I try. I was ready to write my whole porn history as a child till now, but realized how long that would be, and how bad my English is that I don't feel like it. I'm not like most people so please accept me for my differences and how I approach my situation. Growing up, I started to become very timid. the older I got the more shy I would get. I'm very handsome, I have great looks and always get complimented everywhere I go, but my exterior doesn't compliment my inside. I have such a low confidence level, I lost all passion in the things I once loved. I have trouble laughing smiling crying. the only thing I feel is a self anger towards myself for letting myself get like this. Despite all this, everyone always wants me around. I don't understand. I find myself so boring, unentertaining, uneducated. Why would anyone want to be near someone like that. It might have to do with the fact that I'm able to adapt to my surroundings, but I don't want to always adapt to other ppl. ppl should adapt to me. Why do I care what people think of me, why am I so anxious, why am I scared to fail, where did my motivation go. I feel so stupid. I hate reading, I keep forgetting things, I just feel so messed up. on top of all that, I have a father who has early onset dementia at 55, I have to take care of all his stuff, but I can't even take care of myself. my family looks at me like a hero, they honestly praise me everytime. and here I am feeling like a complete lie.
I'ts 18 fucking days I don't pmo or even orgasm at all. I'm gonna get back what's mine. I have the potential to be the best in the world, and I will achieve this. I know I'm fucked up right now and just splattering different stories and words together, but one thing at a time. And right now my main focus is to get better and show myself that I am capable of taking control of my life. I'm fed up of being in the passenger seat of my own goddamn car. this is my car, I'm gonna fucking drive it. I've already experienced some mood swings the past 18 days. the first 10 days, I was so high and mighty, compared to the last 2 where I don't feel like doing anything at all. motivation level has dropped significantly. but i won't give up. we are all different, everyone deals with things differently and that's what makes the world special. I truly love everyone here who wants to make their lives better. I hate porn. It will eventually turn into the black plague of our era. I'ts sad that this actually might be what stops all humanity. Let's at least save our own lives. this is a war, we gotta treat it that way
18 days going strong.
.........The reason I started this new paragraph, is to show you how I Just want to always give up on anything I try. I was ready to write my whole porn history as a child till now, but realized how long that would be, and how bad my English is that I don't feel like it. I'm not like most people so please accept me for my differences and how I approach my situation. Growing up, I started to become very timid. the older I got the more shy I would get. I'm very handsome, I have great looks and always get complimented everywhere I go, but my exterior doesn't compliment my inside. I have such a low confidence level, I lost all passion in the things I once loved. I have trouble laughing smiling crying. the only thing I feel is a self anger towards myself for letting myself get like this. Despite all this, everyone always wants me around. I don't understand. I find myself so boring, unentertaining, uneducated. Why would anyone want to be near someone like that. It might have to do with the fact that I'm able to adapt to my surroundings, but I don't want to always adapt to other ppl. ppl should adapt to me. Why do I care what people think of me, why am I so anxious, why am I scared to fail, where did my motivation go. I feel so stupid. I hate reading, I keep forgetting things, I just feel so messed up. on top of all that, I have a father who has early onset dementia at 55, I have to take care of all his stuff, but I can't even take care of myself. my family looks at me like a hero, they honestly praise me everytime. and here I am feeling like a complete lie.
I'ts 18 fucking days I don't pmo or even orgasm at all. I'm gonna get back what's mine. I have the potential to be the best in the world, and I will achieve this. I know I'm fucked up right now and just splattering different stories and words together, but one thing at a time. And right now my main focus is to get better and show myself that I am capable of taking control of my life. I'm fed up of being in the passenger seat of my own goddamn car. this is my car, I'm gonna fucking drive it. I've already experienced some mood swings the past 18 days. the first 10 days, I was so high and mighty, compared to the last 2 where I don't feel like doing anything at all. motivation level has dropped significantly. but i won't give up. we are all different, everyone deals with things differently and that's what makes the world special. I truly love everyone here who wants to make their lives better. I hate porn. It will eventually turn into the black plague of our era. I'ts sad that this actually might be what stops all humanity. Let's at least save our own lives. this is a war, we gotta treat it that way
18 days going strong.