Start of new life

I have been addicted to PMO since about age 12 and am now 45. I am just sick of trying over and over to quit. Longest has been a couple months. It has been 4 days now and just found this site.  I only PMO every few days, sometimes a week or so. It has been very encouraging to read of all the similar struggles. Thank you so much.  I will be updating my progress and look forward to your encouragement.

I was in the same once every 4 days boat for a while, then once every week, then once every two weeks, and now once every 3 weeks.  Almost there shooting for none.  It gets better and so will you

Good work mate!
Set yourself realistic goals, dont try to shoot too far. Set yourself a five day goal, then take a step back, then set it for ten days, etc.  small goals are great to keep up the motivation

Just a quick update. Things are going fairly well. I have had a few anxiety attacks where I felt like I wanted to try to look at porn. They passed fairly quickly. I have noticed on a few sports websites with provocative ads and that has taken my mind in the wrong direction. I was able to quickly change the thought and change website. I have been saying over and over in my head porn is not an option which does help.
I have caught myself having sexual thoughts about women friends and acquaintances around me and have been trying to turn those thoughts off. It is amazing how porn distorts your thinking now that I am really focused on changing my thoughts.
Having lived in a fantasy world off and on for the last 30 years it's hard to change the constant desire for more.
I know that just having this site as a go to in a time of need has helped already.

Sitting watching football while my wife is working in another part of the house and this would have a prime time to look at P and MO later in the shower. The thought has passed my mind but have able to dismiss it. I find myself turning to this site, reading, encouraging and being encouraged at times like this. I can do it! Porn is not an option and is an illusion.

Good job my friend....    remember, its a journey, not a destination.  No matter how far along the road you have come, you are always the same distance from the ditch. 

Be vigilant.  You can do this.  You will be a better man for it.

Cheers,

p,

Well I am up to 2 weeks and I feel pretty good. I haven't had real strong urges to PMO. In the past I have been able to go 2-3 weeks fairly easily so I know this is when things will get more difficult.

My brain is trying to get its fix through dreams. I keep waking up from very sexual dreams and been trying to not allow myself to orgasm. It is not like I Masturbated in the past when that happend I would just let my mind go with it and would get an O. I know wet dreams are normal, I just feel like if I am awake enough to know what's happening, I am awake enough to stop it.

Like I said I think my brain is trying to get its fix and encourage me to what it wants. I don't to encourage those thoughts at this point.

I haven't had a strong desire for sex or intimate relations for my wife either. However I have let that slip the last few months and been using PMO instead. So hopefully that will start to come back  and I can see if my PIED is being affected in a good way.

Doing well. I have had a few stronger urges. I found these are happening at times or situations I would have PMO in the past.

I have been able to change my thoughts and move on, which is good.

I have been trying to remember how PMO would make me feel after I was done. I always felt like crap, like I was worthless and not a good person. I would often have thoughts of ending it all or leaving my life I have and starting over with PMO all the time. Allow myself to live a life in the gutter like how I felt.

I realize now that it's all part of the dopamine high wanting more and more and then crashing down.

I never want to feel that way again.

I am worth more than Porn and the worthless feeling afterwards.

You are on the right path...  Stay strong!

Cheers,

p.

Still getting woke up all night with vivid dreams, nice thing is they are not always sexual. I had a nightmare that awoke me up for over an hour ugh!

The positive is I feel more energy at work during the day and have been feeling more talkative with my wife and friends. I am starting to feel better about myself.

I know things will get harder as I go on, however I am glad about the good results so far.

I am better than porn.

Been feeling under the weather the last few days. I know that is one of my triggers, I start feeling sorry for myself and wanting a pick me up. Being sick also leaves me home alone another trigger.

The positive if you want call it that, is my wife is sick also. So we are home together and its not giving me an opportunity. She is in the shower now, so i am here.

I still am committed to the process, I am determined to not relapse and break this vile practice once and for all.

I am deserve better than porn. I do feel much better about myself without porn.

I caught myself yesterday falling into old habits, not porn but the start of looking at things that lead to porn.

Trigger Alert.

I found myself clicking on a questionable article that had picture in it, I quickly left said article. But then found myself looking at more article titles. I realized I was hoping to "stumble" upon another picture. I quickly gave up the Internet for the night.

Looking back this is definitely how I will start down the road. I know this is a bad trend so I am going to try to stick to a purpose online. The sites I was looking for and off.

I am better than porn.

Good job CN.  I trying to avoid anything like that as well even though those articles are not usually my triggers.  But I am trying to avoid pictures that objectify women as part of an effort to change my own mindset.

It not the article so much as recognizing the pattern starting. I am glad that I caught myself and am more aware about things like that now.

I think I Am in the flatline stage. The last two days dull headache all day and tired feeling. Also very week morning wood. I know it is all worth it.

You're doing great.  You're making progress.

I have been feeling pretty good lately. I still think a lot about PMO at least once a day, however I have stopped counting the days. Which I think is good. When the thoughts come in I just try to remember how much I felt like crap after a session. That does help.

Was actually able to have sex with my wife without the blue pill, which was a first in about a year. I have noticed that my sexual thoughts and dreams at night are more about her than not. Again progress I feel like.

Overall things are good, I wish that I could stop dwelling on the thoughts of PMO. But it was a habit I got into and it won't go away overnight I know.

I am better than Porn and deserve better.

It has been awhile sense I was able to post a journal update, so here it goes. Looking at my counter it says I am almost 50% there yay! I have been doing good, no real strong desires to PMO.

There have been several opportunities to drift off and surf while wife was busy and I avoided the temptation. If I was getting bored and start feeling the urge I would get up and see what she was up to. That helps to get my mind of it.

I was home alone for 3 hours last Sunday and no PMO. I thought about it several times leading up to the time I was going to be alone. In the past this would have been prime time. It was a little hard at first. In the past when my wife would leave I would instantly start to pull up my favorite sites and get an immediate rush. The was a pretty strong push as soon as she left, so I had to distract myself. I got out paper and started to doodle. I drew for about 45 minutes and that helped. Even after drawing I barely thought about it, it I think is good.

Still flatline mostly I think about intimate things my wife but have no real desire to act yet. When I was able to a while back we were out of town. In a different environment it was easier, which it always has been in the past. Vacations and away from work and real life always made things work better down there.

I am glad to be ridding myself of this vile practice and just need to remind myself that it is VILE.

I am better than porn and deserve better. Stay strong everyone!