Hello Everyone,
I have been watching porn for 10+ years, with longer stretches of several months of not watching porn in between. I just stopped fully again, and do not want to relapse again, so here are some of my thoughts;
I am stopping porn as I believe it desensitizes us to the small erotic clues of women, and makes as bad lovers as men. I remember in the times before porn, sex was a more sensual affair, less visual in a way, less focused on achieving 'shocking' positions/ images while having sex. Not that I am advocating to completely leave harder sex behind, the best is a dance between hard and soft, but in porn it is all hard usually. You cannot even find a good striptease without close ups, dildos and all on any of the free porn sites.
It might be particularily difficult for men to stop porn that work from home, do not have a sexual partner and no money for prostitutes or stripbars, such as me. This is however no excuse to lower your self esteem and sexual stamina/ libido forever by constantly escaping into porn from a somewhat sad reality.
Men have been without sex for long stretches of several months and even sometimes years throughout history, when they were on sea or going for wars, or mining in forlorn areas. So we must tap into that hidden potential of strength again.
I have been crazy about perfect female bodies forever. It could take me 3/4 hours to find 4 or so porn scenes with women that have perfect bodies and acceptable faces, and I could do that up to 8 times in a week easily. I do have more times at hand than most and am leading a life of a retired man at the age of 42 already, so the obsession for the perfect curves and a lot of free time make me very susceptible to porn. Despite having been told that I am good looking, I feel worthless most days also because I am financially nearly broke, and so when I get this 'fuck all, I am worthless' mood, I stumble back into porn, like as if to give myself that extra push to simply be a rotten looser.
Before stopping porn, I got into sniffing Poppers while watching porn, an artificial drug that is legal in some European countries and restricts the flow of air to your brain. It makes you very excited, since almost all women start appearing incredibly desirable. It might be acceptable to sniff Poppers sometimes when having real sex, but as a regular practice while watching porn it is makes the whole addicton even more destructive.
When stopping porn the last time a few months ago, I flew first to Colombia and then to Budapest in Hungary, since both beautiful Latinas and beautiful Hungarians were always my biggest draw to porn. I thought; let's put it all into reality instead and use tinder to find sexpartners. However the whole thing completely backfired. In both countries women were super cautious about becoming intimate with a tourist, and since I am more or less broke I couldn't even afford prostitutes in both places. So I fell back into porn worse than ever before in an absolute meltdown mood, watching up to 7-8 hours in a single day.
My wife left me more than 18 months ago, and despite getting great looking tinder matches, they never let loose and wanted sex without me making longer term allusion.
Watching porn however improves absolutely nothing, on the contrary. And this simple logical reality should keep us all from watching it regularily. Surely some manage to watch it rarely, but as a heavy former addict it is advisable to leave it fully behind.
I believe deep down we would all like to be good lovers, and research has shown that the people who enjoy the best sex are the ones who think least about sex, since they have no prejudies of how it should be and feel like. So putting the sexual urge to rest for some months after quitting porn and imagining one is on a war mission, just like in the old times without women, or rather their virtual substitute being available, might do a good trick. And to then develop that old macho habit of trying to pick up women on the street again, once a bit of self confidence comes back, might also lead to the so much desired sexual passions. And if it does not, it should not lead us back to porn addiction again. A prostitute is always preferable.
The hardest thing is to let go of even teasing porn too; simply a beautiful woman in strings slowly walking down a corridor. When a recovering addict, no distinction can be made to view 'soft porn' instead of hard one...only after a while then will our senses and fantasy slowly bounce back with their own erotic enchantements.
I stopped rather gradually, in intensity and frequency. This might not be the best way, since it can become a very drawnout process, and the last scene is one to hunt for forever. However, it helped me to find a slower, less abrupt exit...from hardcore to softcore, from using drugs, while doing it, to none, to less days a week, and finally to a total stop. In the end I watched girls just undressing themselves before exposing any intimate parts, like a slow release from the pornofied state of mind.
The triggers for porn are not just sexual images or urges, but also pain or boredom avoidance from whatever it is that bothers you. One has to become fully aware of this pain escape function of porn, and recognize the urge and breathe through it.
This is hard! I relapsed countless times. As said, it is particularily hard if you do not have sex in the real world, and are stuck in an unhappy place. There is almost no teasing erotica on the for free porn sites, and so it is easy to get drawn into the harder stuff. Some men can't afford prostitutes, and are unlucky with women, so if there was at least a free striptease-only website, without close-ups and dildos, in order to make the transition away from internet sex easier.
The best tool for me to tackle my porn addiction is to write an entry into a journal whenever I relapse; causes, feelings, context. After dozens or hundreds of entries, it does become repetitive, and is a strong reminder of wasted time, and depleted good energy.
It is also easy to fool oneself saying; ''Now that I have stopped watching porn for x days or weeks, it doesn't hurt to go back once''...it will drag your energy down nevertheless and spoil some of the good energy that was build up during the abstinence.
So neither to make up for lack of sex, nor as a pain avoidance mechanism, does porn any long term good, rather the opposite, and while it numbs the pain in one's life for a few minutes or hours, it does not make one stronger nor more positive to deal with it for real.
Another trap, is the urge to see if one still feels enough excitement with sex after quitting porn, using porn as a virtual validation tool. When going off porn, your sex drive/ being, will first feel uneasy not to get its daily relief, and then recedes for most people. This is an unusual feeling after all this time watching porn, and so one is easily misled to search for confirmation of ones sex drive. One has to be fully conscious of the withdrawal symptoms, and accept them as normal and temporary, and most people will experience a slow resurgence of their normal sex drives and fantasies, after several weeks and months of abstinence.
So as long one becomes conscious of the triggers, and there are various, and the enormous rush one craves to numb the mind and heart which just result in as deep a hole of emptiness after, one is forwarned and prepared.
There almost never is the perfect time to quit. Some problems always surface, and you quicky fall back into numbing your mind and senses through porn. Porn is like a cliff you do not want to fall back into. I now do sports, read or cook instead of wasting uncounted hours on porn. Going for activities that enagage actively and are gratifying helps in freeing ourselves from addictive habits and leads to more selfrespect and peace, while porn creates often self digust, frenzy and depletion of good energies!
Simply put; I doubt any single man dares to approach his dream woman even if she gives him the eye, if he had just watched 3 hours of hardcore porn. It simply drains you out.
Good stamina in leaving porn behind, and recovering it in other fields.
After posting this for the first time; I had still several relapses, had stopped for a month and then again a relapse for 10 days. It's easier to overcome an old habit when in a new environment, but when you have to go back to an old environment where you had practised the addictive habit and especially inexpectedly encounter the same pains there as before you had quit the habit, it is all too easy to fall back to porn/ addictions. Context plays a vital role in breaking habits, but if it is simply not possible to change context for a while, then one at least has to reduce the old habit to very moderate levels hopefully, if one truly manages to avoid the easily slippery road into full blown addiction.
For me, it didn't work to reduce to very moderate levels; I always fell back into doing it nearly every day. Instead of harcore porn I started watching solos, and lesbians, telling myself that this isn't really porn. Even if it preferable to watching hardcore, it still wears you out, and since the bodies of the performers are so beautiful often, you might be hard pressed to feel excitement with a less stellar body, which is a shame since you reduce your natural levels of excitement.
After years of trials, there is no other way but to fully leave porn, strips and all behind. There has to be an absolute wall for former addicts; NO DIGITAL SUBSTITUTE OF ANY KIND FOR REAL SEX, AND AFTER A RECOVERY PERIOD REAL SEX SHALL BE ALL THE MORE SATISFYING AND FREQUENT. Once the emptiness porn leaves us with has been forgotten and overcome, it shall be a relief and we can feel much lighter, cleaner, stronger.
....6 months later....and I am still watching porn, less frequent, for less long periods, but I am still doing it. Sometimes I manage to abstain for a week or so, but then fall back when bored, confronted with pain, or simply amazingly frustrated not to get any passionate sex at all since I am constantly travelling, and do not have a girlfriend. Even when I have had paid sex, I do fall back....because having sex reminds you how great it can be, and then when the hour with the prostitute is over, you crave for more, but a limited budget then drives you to porn. It is like a vicious circle.
Getting off porn seems to be truly harder than getting of most drugs. One must be prepared for the period of emptiness, sadness and low sex drive that comes from abstinence before then eventually getting back on track with fresh energy after a month or two or three, that can possibly feel like a very long period.
Little money, over 40, and constant travelling do not facilitate to let porn be a thing of the past. Porn nevertheless robs us of good energy, and so the kick of the moment must be kept in good check for more self respect and satisfaction for the long run. It is so easy to always tell yourself 'this is the last time', 'my circumstances are so f... up, who cares if I am a porn addict'', ''I won't ever get the women I desire anyways, so let porn do it''....etc etc....but all it does, is keep you in the state of little self respect and strength...and that does not help at all with real sex in the real world...
Dakuki
PS: managed to keep off for nearly 2 months, noticed definite improvement in sexual stamina, had a relapse over 3 days...but still feel boost from abstinence, and naturally want that to constinue...
PS again, 27.10.2017....11 months after posting here for the first time.
Managed to stay off another 2 months thereafter, thought I had fully overcome the addiction. Was onto nofab as well. Had nightly erections, sometimes lasting for hours. During that time I was though in a highly stressful phase of my life too, bankrupt at moms home at 43. Then one day, I get insulted enormously by my ex wife, my brother and two other friends, and also the pain from tinder matches that suddenly do not respond nomore after hours of chatting. On the same day I relapsed into a 4 hour porn session with several orgasms. It just shows that the pain can get so strong, that one uses porn in a FUCK ALL manner, meaning one destroys the strength one had build up over months in a form of self mutilation or suicide. One has to be aware that one can fall deeper than ever imagined by little or no fault of ones own, and the porn escape route pops up again when one thought it had fully disappeared! A mix of painful context and feelings can ruin so much if we are not fully aware. It seems like the more purity we amass, the harder the onslaught of dark forces to make us join the bandwagon of eternal self destruction again. Since we live in a world of virtual imagery so much, the energy robbing forces have such easy access to our souls, hearts and bodies.
Porn is the easiest pain avoidance mechanism, it costs nothing, its puts us in trance, and has seemingly no side effects....however it robs us of self respect and good energy....when one is at the bottom as a man, and starving for affection and passion....there is no easier trap than porn....it is very sad when one has nothing but virtual satisfaction...so be aware of desperation...it hits the best and purest among us more often and harder than most....and when we feel strong and pure after a longer time of abstinence it comes back harder and harder to test us again and again...women are the greatest thing on earth, and I am sure there will be much more plentiful and more passionate enjoyment of them once porn is a thing of the past for any former addict...
It is very likely that once you have been abstinent for several weeks, and months, but then have a relapse that this relapse will turn out into a hard core binge over 2, 3 or more days....since you are telling yourself...''it is my last time anyways, so why not go full throttle''....and have so much stored up sexual energy to waste.
In order to fully leave porn behind and not relapsing, you must leave your own fragility to desperation behind...and a stronger, more balanced, but still passionate man is certainly more attractive to women, and enjoys his own existence more....
8 Dez 2018...almost a year after starting to write this text here, I improved slowly over the past year with longer and longer stretches of not watching porn, but every 2 to 4 weeks I still have a relapse and these are very disappointing. The amount of pain in ones life can simply increase more than one ever anticipated, and despite the best efforts to become pure and strong, real world love and sex life does not materialize. It drives one nearly into suicide and so one resorts again to porn in this total meltdown mood. When you are isolated, without income, locked in a small city center apartment, without any female affection, during winter months and also facing problems in health and business such as living on debts....in the darkest hours the last resort porn pops up again. You are able to resists a hundred times, go for a run, eat, read or write....but then there comes the day again where an avalanche of pain falls on you....and then at the 101th times, you are back to porn....I am glad my awareness of this all has reduced my porn addiction by a factor or 95 percent, but the last 5 percent are always the hardest...just like in a marathon.
And the problem when you just peek at porn while recovering from it is that after an abstinence without real world sex for a few weeks, porn kicks in with so much more force and excitment again that you probably cannot let go of it for at least a few hours, if not days especially if you move onto new scenes and women.
I also tried the nonfab approach, meaning no masturbation. I however just read after my last 48 hour relapse, that recovering porn addicts who engage in nofab have a much higher chance of relapsing for obvious reasons. And I believe once they relapse it is a much stronger one than for those that masturbate because of all the stored up sexual energy.
Also when down I often exaggurated watching porn for hours on end, to basically punish me for a feeling of total worthlessness.
We need sex, but porn is a bad replacement since it makes real sex more unlikely. As simple as that....so its a choice!
Nearly two years later after I posted this first, I have had countless relapses. I am still in the same financial situation, having no permanent home, no girlfriend, just older. I managed to stay off porn for the last 2 months, until I had a relapse two weeks ago over 24 hours, and one again today of 6 hours. It is still the same dynamic, when I am loosing terribly in life be it through a bankruptcy or a another rejection by a woman I very much like, I fall back into this sad habit.
At least I know now that I can abstain for many weeks, and I very much hope that the last relapse was the final one.
It is a form of suicide to relapse, or better a replacement for it...
I have been watching porn for 10+ years, with longer stretches of several months of not watching porn in between. I just stopped fully again, and do not want to relapse again, so here are some of my thoughts;
I am stopping porn as I believe it desensitizes us to the small erotic clues of women, and makes as bad lovers as men. I remember in the times before porn, sex was a more sensual affair, less visual in a way, less focused on achieving 'shocking' positions/ images while having sex. Not that I am advocating to completely leave harder sex behind, the best is a dance between hard and soft, but in porn it is all hard usually. You cannot even find a good striptease without close ups, dildos and all on any of the free porn sites.
It might be particularily difficult for men to stop porn that work from home, do not have a sexual partner and no money for prostitutes or stripbars, such as me. This is however no excuse to lower your self esteem and sexual stamina/ libido forever by constantly escaping into porn from a somewhat sad reality.
Men have been without sex for long stretches of several months and even sometimes years throughout history, when they were on sea or going for wars, or mining in forlorn areas. So we must tap into that hidden potential of strength again.
I have been crazy about perfect female bodies forever. It could take me 3/4 hours to find 4 or so porn scenes with women that have perfect bodies and acceptable faces, and I could do that up to 8 times in a week easily. I do have more times at hand than most and am leading a life of a retired man at the age of 42 already, so the obsession for the perfect curves and a lot of free time make me very susceptible to porn. Despite having been told that I am good looking, I feel worthless most days also because I am financially nearly broke, and so when I get this 'fuck all, I am worthless' mood, I stumble back into porn, like as if to give myself that extra push to simply be a rotten looser.
Before stopping porn, I got into sniffing Poppers while watching porn, an artificial drug that is legal in some European countries and restricts the flow of air to your brain. It makes you very excited, since almost all women start appearing incredibly desirable. It might be acceptable to sniff Poppers sometimes when having real sex, but as a regular practice while watching porn it is makes the whole addicton even more destructive.
When stopping porn the last time a few months ago, I flew first to Colombia and then to Budapest in Hungary, since both beautiful Latinas and beautiful Hungarians were always my biggest draw to porn. I thought; let's put it all into reality instead and use tinder to find sexpartners. However the whole thing completely backfired. In both countries women were super cautious about becoming intimate with a tourist, and since I am more or less broke I couldn't even afford prostitutes in both places. So I fell back into porn worse than ever before in an absolute meltdown mood, watching up to 7-8 hours in a single day.
My wife left me more than 18 months ago, and despite getting great looking tinder matches, they never let loose and wanted sex without me making longer term allusion.
Watching porn however improves absolutely nothing, on the contrary. And this simple logical reality should keep us all from watching it regularily. Surely some manage to watch it rarely, but as a heavy former addict it is advisable to leave it fully behind.
I believe deep down we would all like to be good lovers, and research has shown that the people who enjoy the best sex are the ones who think least about sex, since they have no prejudies of how it should be and feel like. So putting the sexual urge to rest for some months after quitting porn and imagining one is on a war mission, just like in the old times without women, or rather their virtual substitute being available, might do a good trick. And to then develop that old macho habit of trying to pick up women on the street again, once a bit of self confidence comes back, might also lead to the so much desired sexual passions. And if it does not, it should not lead us back to porn addiction again. A prostitute is always preferable.
The hardest thing is to let go of even teasing porn too; simply a beautiful woman in strings slowly walking down a corridor. When a recovering addict, no distinction can be made to view 'soft porn' instead of hard one...only after a while then will our senses and fantasy slowly bounce back with their own erotic enchantements.
I stopped rather gradually, in intensity and frequency. This might not be the best way, since it can become a very drawnout process, and the last scene is one to hunt for forever. However, it helped me to find a slower, less abrupt exit...from hardcore to softcore, from using drugs, while doing it, to none, to less days a week, and finally to a total stop. In the end I watched girls just undressing themselves before exposing any intimate parts, like a slow release from the pornofied state of mind.
The triggers for porn are not just sexual images or urges, but also pain or boredom avoidance from whatever it is that bothers you. One has to become fully aware of this pain escape function of porn, and recognize the urge and breathe through it.
This is hard! I relapsed countless times. As said, it is particularily hard if you do not have sex in the real world, and are stuck in an unhappy place. There is almost no teasing erotica on the for free porn sites, and so it is easy to get drawn into the harder stuff. Some men can't afford prostitutes, and are unlucky with women, so if there was at least a free striptease-only website, without close-ups and dildos, in order to make the transition away from internet sex easier.
The best tool for me to tackle my porn addiction is to write an entry into a journal whenever I relapse; causes, feelings, context. After dozens or hundreds of entries, it does become repetitive, and is a strong reminder of wasted time, and depleted good energy.
It is also easy to fool oneself saying; ''Now that I have stopped watching porn for x days or weeks, it doesn't hurt to go back once''...it will drag your energy down nevertheless and spoil some of the good energy that was build up during the abstinence.
So neither to make up for lack of sex, nor as a pain avoidance mechanism, does porn any long term good, rather the opposite, and while it numbs the pain in one's life for a few minutes or hours, it does not make one stronger nor more positive to deal with it for real.
Another trap, is the urge to see if one still feels enough excitement with sex after quitting porn, using porn as a virtual validation tool. When going off porn, your sex drive/ being, will first feel uneasy not to get its daily relief, and then recedes for most people. This is an unusual feeling after all this time watching porn, and so one is easily misled to search for confirmation of ones sex drive. One has to be fully conscious of the withdrawal symptoms, and accept them as normal and temporary, and most people will experience a slow resurgence of their normal sex drives and fantasies, after several weeks and months of abstinence.
So as long one becomes conscious of the triggers, and there are various, and the enormous rush one craves to numb the mind and heart which just result in as deep a hole of emptiness after, one is forwarned and prepared.
There almost never is the perfect time to quit. Some problems always surface, and you quicky fall back into numbing your mind and senses through porn. Porn is like a cliff you do not want to fall back into. I now do sports, read or cook instead of wasting uncounted hours on porn. Going for activities that enagage actively and are gratifying helps in freeing ourselves from addictive habits and leads to more selfrespect and peace, while porn creates often self digust, frenzy and depletion of good energies!
Simply put; I doubt any single man dares to approach his dream woman even if she gives him the eye, if he had just watched 3 hours of hardcore porn. It simply drains you out.
Good stamina in leaving porn behind, and recovering it in other fields.
After posting this for the first time; I had still several relapses, had stopped for a month and then again a relapse for 10 days. It's easier to overcome an old habit when in a new environment, but when you have to go back to an old environment where you had practised the addictive habit and especially inexpectedly encounter the same pains there as before you had quit the habit, it is all too easy to fall back to porn/ addictions. Context plays a vital role in breaking habits, but if it is simply not possible to change context for a while, then one at least has to reduce the old habit to very moderate levels hopefully, if one truly manages to avoid the easily slippery road into full blown addiction.
For me, it didn't work to reduce to very moderate levels; I always fell back into doing it nearly every day. Instead of harcore porn I started watching solos, and lesbians, telling myself that this isn't really porn. Even if it preferable to watching hardcore, it still wears you out, and since the bodies of the performers are so beautiful often, you might be hard pressed to feel excitement with a less stellar body, which is a shame since you reduce your natural levels of excitement.
After years of trials, there is no other way but to fully leave porn, strips and all behind. There has to be an absolute wall for former addicts; NO DIGITAL SUBSTITUTE OF ANY KIND FOR REAL SEX, AND AFTER A RECOVERY PERIOD REAL SEX SHALL BE ALL THE MORE SATISFYING AND FREQUENT. Once the emptiness porn leaves us with has been forgotten and overcome, it shall be a relief and we can feel much lighter, cleaner, stronger.
....6 months later....and I am still watching porn, less frequent, for less long periods, but I am still doing it. Sometimes I manage to abstain for a week or so, but then fall back when bored, confronted with pain, or simply amazingly frustrated not to get any passionate sex at all since I am constantly travelling, and do not have a girlfriend. Even when I have had paid sex, I do fall back....because having sex reminds you how great it can be, and then when the hour with the prostitute is over, you crave for more, but a limited budget then drives you to porn. It is like a vicious circle.
Getting off porn seems to be truly harder than getting of most drugs. One must be prepared for the period of emptiness, sadness and low sex drive that comes from abstinence before then eventually getting back on track with fresh energy after a month or two or three, that can possibly feel like a very long period.
Little money, over 40, and constant travelling do not facilitate to let porn be a thing of the past. Porn nevertheless robs us of good energy, and so the kick of the moment must be kept in good check for more self respect and satisfaction for the long run. It is so easy to always tell yourself 'this is the last time', 'my circumstances are so f... up, who cares if I am a porn addict'', ''I won't ever get the women I desire anyways, so let porn do it''....etc etc....but all it does, is keep you in the state of little self respect and strength...and that does not help at all with real sex in the real world...
Dakuki
PS: managed to keep off for nearly 2 months, noticed definite improvement in sexual stamina, had a relapse over 3 days...but still feel boost from abstinence, and naturally want that to constinue...
PS again, 27.10.2017....11 months after posting here for the first time.
Managed to stay off another 2 months thereafter, thought I had fully overcome the addiction. Was onto nofab as well. Had nightly erections, sometimes lasting for hours. During that time I was though in a highly stressful phase of my life too, bankrupt at moms home at 43. Then one day, I get insulted enormously by my ex wife, my brother and two other friends, and also the pain from tinder matches that suddenly do not respond nomore after hours of chatting. On the same day I relapsed into a 4 hour porn session with several orgasms. It just shows that the pain can get so strong, that one uses porn in a FUCK ALL manner, meaning one destroys the strength one had build up over months in a form of self mutilation or suicide. One has to be aware that one can fall deeper than ever imagined by little or no fault of ones own, and the porn escape route pops up again when one thought it had fully disappeared! A mix of painful context and feelings can ruin so much if we are not fully aware. It seems like the more purity we amass, the harder the onslaught of dark forces to make us join the bandwagon of eternal self destruction again. Since we live in a world of virtual imagery so much, the energy robbing forces have such easy access to our souls, hearts and bodies.
Porn is the easiest pain avoidance mechanism, it costs nothing, its puts us in trance, and has seemingly no side effects....however it robs us of self respect and good energy....when one is at the bottom as a man, and starving for affection and passion....there is no easier trap than porn....it is very sad when one has nothing but virtual satisfaction...so be aware of desperation...it hits the best and purest among us more often and harder than most....and when we feel strong and pure after a longer time of abstinence it comes back harder and harder to test us again and again...women are the greatest thing on earth, and I am sure there will be much more plentiful and more passionate enjoyment of them once porn is a thing of the past for any former addict...
It is very likely that once you have been abstinent for several weeks, and months, but then have a relapse that this relapse will turn out into a hard core binge over 2, 3 or more days....since you are telling yourself...''it is my last time anyways, so why not go full throttle''....and have so much stored up sexual energy to waste.
In order to fully leave porn behind and not relapsing, you must leave your own fragility to desperation behind...and a stronger, more balanced, but still passionate man is certainly more attractive to women, and enjoys his own existence more....
8 Dez 2018...almost a year after starting to write this text here, I improved slowly over the past year with longer and longer stretches of not watching porn, but every 2 to 4 weeks I still have a relapse and these are very disappointing. The amount of pain in ones life can simply increase more than one ever anticipated, and despite the best efforts to become pure and strong, real world love and sex life does not materialize. It drives one nearly into suicide and so one resorts again to porn in this total meltdown mood. When you are isolated, without income, locked in a small city center apartment, without any female affection, during winter months and also facing problems in health and business such as living on debts....in the darkest hours the last resort porn pops up again. You are able to resists a hundred times, go for a run, eat, read or write....but then there comes the day again where an avalanche of pain falls on you....and then at the 101th times, you are back to porn....I am glad my awareness of this all has reduced my porn addiction by a factor or 95 percent, but the last 5 percent are always the hardest...just like in a marathon.
And the problem when you just peek at porn while recovering from it is that after an abstinence without real world sex for a few weeks, porn kicks in with so much more force and excitment again that you probably cannot let go of it for at least a few hours, if not days especially if you move onto new scenes and women.
I also tried the nonfab approach, meaning no masturbation. I however just read after my last 48 hour relapse, that recovering porn addicts who engage in nofab have a much higher chance of relapsing for obvious reasons. And I believe once they relapse it is a much stronger one than for those that masturbate because of all the stored up sexual energy.
Also when down I often exaggurated watching porn for hours on end, to basically punish me for a feeling of total worthlessness.
We need sex, but porn is a bad replacement since it makes real sex more unlikely. As simple as that....so its a choice!
Nearly two years later after I posted this first, I have had countless relapses. I am still in the same financial situation, having no permanent home, no girlfriend, just older. I managed to stay off porn for the last 2 months, until I had a relapse two weeks ago over 24 hours, and one again today of 6 hours. It is still the same dynamic, when I am loosing terribly in life be it through a bankruptcy or a another rejection by a woman I very much like, I fall back into this sad habit.
At least I know now that I can abstain for many weeks, and I very much hope that the last relapse was the final one.
It is a form of suicide to relapse, or better a replacement for it...
