WOMP, WOMP, WOMP, WAAA to BOIOIOING (with no BOW CHICKA WAH WAH)

It all started when this chick dumped me, and I proceeded to get revenge on her by reaching into my pants, pulling out a dangerous sex pistol and fired with the ferocity of five thousand fold of my former faptitude, a full frontal assault on my computer screen, until I was out of bullets...

CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK.....CLICK........CLICK....and when my finger was tired of clicking an empty trigger, I started polishing my gun instead.

Showed her.

I read that when Nietzsche was dumped, he ferociously masturbated 12 times a day! His best friend, Richard Wagner, was so worried he told Nietzsche's doctor about this. Nietzsche persisted, and thereafter suffered exploding migraines, catatonic tiredness, then died insane.

I'm done staring into the abyss, no matter how alluringly it stares back.

Porn seems like the ideal girlfriend: a hot body with no personality, easy and available for sex whenever you want. You don't have to buy dinner or do the dishes, just wash the occasional sock is all.

Then you tell her you want to move on, settle down, get a job and a house....she tells you "what a coincidence, it just so happens I have an affordable oceanfront property for sale in the middle of my vagina"

I've fallen for the scam too, she's taken everything I've had, the man I was and was to become. These days I need my life back, need a house built on a solid foundation, not a sinkhole or stinkhole. I'm going to do these daily rants here, and if you'd ever like to buzz in and offer suggestions or advice, or even critiques or hate mail..it's all good as long as it's not links to pornsites.


 
I'm thinking about wanking it one last time, a giant wankfest tomorrow on my day off to some porn I always wanted to see, but never did and...

And I know what you're saying, you're saying, "Weepy Willy, that's just the porn girlfriend talking, trying to offer a better deal on the oceanfront property in her vag...and before you know it, it'll sink deeper into her stinkhole and you'll be buried"

Well, I say, I'm not buying her property, I'm just renting a hotel in her vagina is all. One last day, clean the pipes out, start fresh, squeeze the last lingering lust from my loins and then I'm done and starting anew.


 
Ok, so today is officially day zero. I always wanted to see one last thing I never saw, bought that video, saw it, wanked the last drops of my pre-nofap self into the toilet, and I'm done!

I needed to get this last lingering fetish vid out of my curiosity queue, or else this journey would be that much harder. I'd constantly be tempted and not only would I fall off the wagon months later, but I'd ensure that the wagon crashed and burned...I just know myself.
 

brazilian_guy

New Member
You must have in mind that this process is not easy... I've been struggling with it for months and every time i thinks its all ok I end up relapsing... So, be good to yourself and remember all the time why you are doing it. Good Luck!
 
So...day 1 kinda sucked. Damn, I felt cold and tired and dead all day. I know what cures this...porn! Porn fixes everything!

Of course, I know better.

I do have a question: do any of you all have advice on what to do when you catch yourself thinking about the past? I tend to ruminate and obsess..."why couldn't I have kicked this habit years ago?" Thoughts like that might drive me back to porn. Any advice on killing them beforehand?
 
Ok so day 2...no desire whatsoever to watch porn. That's good, I'm not sure if I'm in flatline yet or simply exhausted from my final fapathon...either way, I'm in a good place because I'm not wanting to watch it.

I was thinking, maybe I'm onto something? Maybe pornaholics who want to give hardmode a shot really ought to first purge out every last drop of desire they harbor, enjoy every porn fantasy they have yet to indulge in, and then and only then should they start. I think many people might fall off the wagon only because they haven't rolled in the mud long enough already. Or at least think they haven't. I

All I know is, if I didn't start this the right way, my efforts would be destined to fail.

 
Ugh, just day 3 and the flatline is hitting me hard. No energy, no libido, brain won't work, feel cold shaky, dried up, low back is weak, groin feels weak, depressed, and even more depressed because I know that while porn is the cure all for this, meth is also the cure all for fatigue, until you wake up in a dumpster and toothless.
 
Day 4, still tight feeling, dry all over, the life's been squeezed from me, I feel gross all over my body. But my energy was better today and I felt less cold and slightly less shaky.

I find I'm getting used to tossing images of naked women out of view of my mind's eye. But one image came into my mind today, an image I watched over and over on video before, and I thought "what the hell? What's erotic about that?" I felt no jolt when I saw it.

My feeling is these flatline symptoms are going to continue for awhile, maybe months. And when they go away, and I recover fully, I'll stay porn free. I just have to trust there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and that the light isn't coming from a computer screen with an orgy video on it.
 
Day 5: terrible, terrible. Whole body feels tight and dry, like all the juice has been squeezed out of me. Well....it was, but that was 5 days ago! Still feeling shaky. Hot, cold. Less cold than before. A little more energy today, that's good.

On the bright side, no desire to look at porn, not even for a moment. I must let my body rest and recharge, do nothing, just allow it to absorb a new current in my return from the dead. But at this point, the best hope there is that I'll be like Frankenstein's monster when I return to the living...
 
Day 6: I woke up with a giant boner this morning that didn't want to go down for awhile! This is significant because I haven't had morning wood in years. I've been deeply burnt out for I dont know how long. I also slept like a corpse. Wow, this stuff is working!
 
Day 6, evening. Hormones a blazin today's actually felt pretty good and think I know why. I took that ZMA last night to help with sleep. I slept so well and had morning wood because I got a recharge. I'm definitely not rebooted yet, but today felt like this was a foretelling of what is to come if I stay on the path.
 
Day 7, good day, still feel the ZMA is helping with the recharge.

I started thinking about how our economy is propped up by cheap money and will crash soon and thought how much this is like beating PMO. What should have happened in 2008 and 2000 and many times before that, will eventually happen. It's just a law of nature: the big bankers will eventually have to take a licking and won't get bailed out because, at some point, there won't be anything of value to bail them out with. They've stimulated, stimulated, pumped up the economy, fueled growth, over and over and never want to go through that depression which, while painful, is essential. If in 2008, we hadn't bailed them out, we would've gone through economic agony, but it would be over now, and would be able to enjoy healthy growth based on a solid foundation.

What I've done with porn over the years is the same. I'd get depressed, have low energy, low libido, and didn't want to feel that. So I'd look at porn, which would give me a big boost. But each boost would get weaker than the last because there was less and less reserve to draw them from. So now I go I to flatline and try to find my foundation.

Robin Williams committed suicide today. Perfect example of this phenomenon. Nobody thought Williams was depressed, much less suicidal. He always had explosive energy. But it was fueled by something, cocaine at one point in his life, and later by something else. Who knows? But when it went away, whatever it was, he couldn't handle the dive. Williams should've got clean a long time ago, but instead insisted on constant upward ascent, not only delaying the inevitable, but amplifying the crash when it came.
 
Day zero, I'm done with day zeros, the only zeros I want to see next will be after a 1, on day 10 then 100. You feel like your day. And today I can't fathom not feeling like a zero.

Long story short, I had sex last night and it was good. Then I came home and looked at porn for several hours. How stupid is that?

Hardmode all the way. I'm not rebooty calling until I call me rebooted.
 
Still on that wagon, still moving along. After looking at porn, you always want more, more more until you wake up and get ready for work and realize you have a entire drawer with no socks.

To prevent that state, I tell my cravings that "porn controls me, I do not control porn", as William said. This is true, so many times I just wanted to see one nipple, one vagina, that's all, thinking they might have changed, that vaginas all look different now, they've changed appearance in the last 48 hours. But I know that's just the porn trying to control me is all, and I'm tired of it and have blisters from wearing shoes all day without socks, damnit, and I want to be done.
 
Porn in my dreams. During the day, I deny myself over and over. Every time the thought to look at porn pops into my head,more to engage in fantasy, I deny it.

But last night, I dreamed of porn, purposely seeking it out in my dreams. Today, I feel guilty. I know I can't control my dreams, but still, I should be better than that.
 
Top