Author Topic: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)  (Read 26274 times)

Jeks

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Wanted to share my story, because it might be a pretty rare case, which might help people, who are wondering about having venous leakage or/and pied.
My English is not the best. Still hope you can understand. Dont mind correction on my writings.


My story begins with 13. me and my best friend were watching dialing channels on televison while masturbating at it late at night in the living room. After that i stumbled over internet porn and would start to masturbate to it daily. Different than other guys here, i'll never masturbated in an abnourmous frequency, 1, maybe 2  times a day for like 10 minutes or so. But escalation started relatively quickly for me by watching very weird stuff by the age of 14 or 15. i struggled with getting a girl friend, but was allways optimistic that it would happening to me, because I was relatively popular in school, so i had friends and had also girls as buddies and best friends. My first sexual interactions with a girl started at the age of 18. by then i met a girl, which was very much into me and i also liked her, but even though we never tried to have sex, i can now tell that by then i allready wasnt able to get spontanious erections or strong sexual arousal by sexually interacting with her.
Like a lot of you guys i considered nervousness, alcohol and weed as the problem, so i was still optimistic about it.
Then by 19 i met another girl, same story. While trying to have sex, my penis didnt respond, there was nothing.
Still i was considering performance anxiety to be the problem and i liked that girl, but wasnt in love with her, so i figured maybe i have just to wait for the right girl to come.
Then by the age of 21 i came together with a girl, which i consider my first and only real girlfriend. From the start we tried to habe sex, but nothing worked. She was very patient and didnt give me any pressure, but it just didnt work. I still watched p, not in a very compulsive manner, but still escalating to weird stuff. After going to a urologist, we tried viagra, and even though it got better i couldnt penetrate, nor orgasm without porn fantasy. So then i went to another doctor which diagnosed me with venous leakage. He seemes to be an expert in that field, because he told me about other patients, which went through the surgery and would function just fine. He also actually showed me on the screen my veines and explained to me how they are far to thick and that it is without question, that ive got venous leakage. But he also told me that for some guys it might be necessary to repeat the surgery, when its very severe even like every half a year, because the veins are start to build up again.
I also asked him about porn, because i allready found the forums and ybop, but couldnt believe that porn might be able to do that and he laughed it off.
So After the diagnosis, i was very relived, but between diagnosis and surgery there were still 3 months. So i tried out the test to wipe out any other possibilty.
I couldnt get a boner in both occassions and because i coulndt believe i have severe pied, i thought that venous leakage had to be the issue. But i allready noticed at that time that i couldnt orgasm, only with porn or porn fantasy.
After the surgery it still didnt work. After that i considered that the forums were right and porn might have been the problem, or that it is a weird combination of pied and venous leakage.
I started rebooting without pmo.I handnt very strong withdrawals, no other then beeing very horny all the time. I couldnt watch woman without fanatsinzing abou them being naked. No flatline. I relapsed a couple of times with binging, but then stayed strong for like 6 months. I also told my gf and she was still able to stay with me.
But then after the 6 months my gf left me and due to the grieving i relapsed like every couple days for like 3 months. I was destroyed and still am. I think about suicide for like 5 months now. I've got heavy depressions, but managed now to stay off porn for nearly 2 months. Every time i see her i wanna kill myself. Im about to see the urologist again to check if he finds something. But after loosing her, everything became so hopeless. Im pretty sure that i will never watch porn again but im not sure if i will live until i recover, because i might have a severe case and so i dont know, if i can manage the depressions that long, because my work and social life are now completely destroyed. Im still studying but might drop off because of difficulties to motivate myself. And i still meet friends, but cant really enjoy anything.
Im now trying to find a therapists who actually knows about porn addiction and can help me with my depressions. But after loosing this girl, which was able to stay at my side for 3 and a half years and hurting her that much, most of the times it feels like i will never be able to not be depressed again.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2020, 04:14:48 AM by Jeks »

all_in_now

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Re: Very likely to have a wierd combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2019, 06:44:38 AM »
Hey Jeks,

Congrats on sharing your story. Yes it’s sad that you’re  having this problem, but it is extremely optimistic and exciting that you’re trying to solve it. I hope you don’t lose the optimism you said you had on this journey to a better life.

I think PIED is a very real issue most doctors have not caught onto.

Good luck

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a wierd combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2019, 01:31:36 PM »
Thanks all in, i really appreciate your reply.
I kind of had a mental breakdown, when i wrote this, so two days after i feel a little bit better. I also remembered, that i already had kind of sucess with my reboot by recognizing nocturnal erections, which i cant remember having before surgery and starting the reboot. Its very rarely, but still something to build on.
Also while having my very bad relapse i recognized a better erection, than i ve ever had. It was with porn, but still a sign, that my body began to heal. But in these very dark moments your mind often shuts down these little sparklings, so yeah, glad i started to right this stuff down here, so i can remember, when times like these will come again.

If anyone has questions about venous leakage, pls contact. Im glad to help and i spend a lot of time researching and getting informations from my urologist.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2019, 01:33:33 PM by Jeks »

all_in_now

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2019, 04:12:49 PM »
Good to hear man, yeah I had a very bad mental breakdown earlier this year too so I feel your pain. 

Been hearing a lot of complaints about venous leakage. I’m def going to get it checked out now that you mention it so thanks for that info. Remember though, the most important thing is to find a way to quit porn and reboot. Lots of research is pointing to porn having very bad effects on health.

Hope you stay on the forum and continue to follow your dreams. I know it’s hard living with our condition, but we have to be grateful we’ve got a shot at getting better. We have to be brave and put our best foot forward because it’s the only thing we can do.

Take care man, I’m excited to hear more about how you’re progressing.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2019, 05:50:54 PM »
True. Focusing on the reboot has to be number one priority. Especially if youve got any sexual disfunction you have to stop porn, even if its not the reason, it doesnt have benefits and its just a high risk for destroying your life.  But at the same time its important to also check any other possibilty. If the doctor wouldnt have found my organic problems, i might have recovered without noticing, because i would not be able to get an erection because of venous leakage.
So yeah, definetly get checked that out.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2019, 05:57:55 PM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2019, 01:34:11 AM »
Hey guys,

i stayed of porn for five moths now, since my last relapse. Today was the first time, i had a full erection over a couple of minutes in the morning. I didnt had the desire to masturbate, was just enjoying it, and woke up to a normal sex dream. My brain wasnt coming up with some fucked up shit (literally...). I think trying to stay off from masturbation completely, and not just porn, helps enormously. Its the first time in nearly a year, that i have actually hope. My depression feels much milder now.
Im so reliefed.
« Last Edit: December 28, 2019, 07:07:36 PM by Jeks »

k-fff

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2019, 02:47:01 AM »
That's great that you have gone 5 months already keep going. Your body is already on its way healing.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2019, 07:10:06 PM »
Thanks k-fff,

you're a hero for helping the others. I really appreciate your reply.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2019, 01:26:00 AM »
Hey guys,
3 days in a row ive got a full or nearly full erection in the morning. For everyone, who is struggling and wondering out there, this whole porn addiction thing is real. And its not, that it just only robes you from your erection and sex drive, but also from your desire and ability to enjoy life and build meaningfull relationships with sexual partners and also just friends. I will soon shorten my story so that its actually readible and then post a list with things that helped me to get to this point. I consider myself not fully recovered, but i am certain now, that this is the problem. This is so important, because on this journey you will have to conquer your own doubts.
So everyone, who is wondering about having pied:
When there is no organic issue, or any traumatic event or psychological illnes and you are using porn, most definetly yes, especially when you have difficulties to stop watching porn (or to masturbate for a certain amount of time) And even if its not, its still too much of a risk to keep doing it.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2019, 01:34:55 AM by Jeks »

quitforeverthenwin2

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2019, 11:22:30 PM »
Wow man congrats! I just read the whole thread not realizing that all this time had past! Very inspiring that you were feeling so bad and now much better. A great lesson that all things pass and things are likely on there way to getting even better!

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #10 on: December 31, 2019, 09:58:53 AM »
Thanks man.

Its not easy, even though it feels like the worst of my recovering is over (because the urges are mild or not existent) now ive got a whole life to take care of. A lot of other addicts keep explaining, that after your cravings stop, youve got to learn how to life live again, and thats exactly how it feels like for me. Even though my urges stopped, i dont know what to do with all this time, i dont have to manage my cravings anymore, or what things i can do, which i could enjoy. But this is still much better, than dealing with cravings. It feels like my brain has to learn how to enjoy life again without a super stimulus. So often times it feels like i have to force myself to do things, but when i manage to do it, im more and more able to enjoy it.

Had a dream that night, that i accidentally opened porn and then wanted to use it, and then just closed it. I think thats fucking awsome. Also the last night i dreamt about a girl just giving me back massage, nothing more, and woke up with full erection.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2020, 09:43:39 AM »
Hey guys,

had some minor urges today, but faded away after one hour or so without me even doing something. It becomes much more easy to just ignore these , after seeing some results. But im still surprised how urges still arise, even though so much time has passed.
Have to try to get some results in some other areas of my life, so i feel more compelled to do stuff and to be able to enjoy life more.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2020, 10:17:05 PM »
Hey guys,

had a sex dream last night, woke up to it and thought, that i had a wet dream. First it bothered me, because well, its never pleasing to wake up out of deep sleep to change pants. But then i realized that i had a full erection and that i didnt ejaculate.
It was mindblowing to me, because normally when i had a "wet dream", i could tell, that i did not had an erection.
More so when i tried to go back to sleep, my erection still lasted for additional 3-5 minutes, without me even thinking of sex.

I think my therapist ( she does not really belief in pied), which i didnt see for one and a half week now, will be mighty surprised.

Im so thankful.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2020, 10:20:21 PM by Jeks »

quitforeverthenwin2

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2020, 11:15:46 PM »
Congrats bro! Keep up the good work, stay strong and forever vigilant.

As far as therapists they are taught the WRONG stuff about pron pied etc. They are taught like just accept it and it's fine, they don't realize PIED exists many don't realize porn is a addiction. That being said therapy is still great, I have a good therapist and I just don't talk about porn the addiction whatever, but things like anxiety things that trouble me etc.

Basically as part of my recovery and improvement of the porn free me.

Edit: By the way bro, great idea about the emergency room! Just saw it. Was just thinking threads that are a bit of a "team" concept would be a great idea and really helpful. This in particular is a great great idea. When I had really bad urges having others post in almost real time was so helpful, having a place to make that almost always happen is a great idea. Hopefully it takes off. Was going to post that there, but wasn't sure if I'd be sort of setting off a "false alarm".
« Last Edit: January 01, 2020, 11:27:09 PM by quitforeverthenwin2 »

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2020, 12:24:54 PM »
Thanks quit,

its abnoxious that therapists can be so unaware of this.
So i will gladly show her that pied and porn addiction exist by recovering from this.
But its crazy, in our first session i told her my story and she asked me to use porn, so that i can describe what it feels like for me and what i think about, while doing it.
And i was like: bro, i managed to stay off of this for 2 months now and ask you to help me to make it through the hard times and you open this door for me?
I was really considering it, because it was so tempting and she is an "expert", right?
But she is friendly and talkative and more and more open to this idea of pied. Showed her some researches (thank you ybop!).

Yeah i wont give up on it yet. I also felt like, something like this would have really helped me.

When i want to do something or have something to do, i find myself able to say to my inner me: dont do it later, just do it now. And then i just stand up and do it.
Its an amazing feeling.

« Last Edit: January 02, 2020, 12:29:05 PM by Jeks »

quitforeverthenwin2

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #15 on: January 02, 2020, 03:10:23 PM »
Yeah man thats awesome! Just doing it.

The therapist is helpful otherwise right? Cool to prove her wrong or teach her but imp therapost should be helpful to you above all else.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #16 on: January 03, 2020, 02:41:43 PM »
I think just talking really helps. I dont know about you, but there are only a handfull of peolpe, who know about my isssues with porn. So often i feel like i have to hide something and have to wear a mask. I feel missunderstood by most people, because they dont know what is going on in my life, but they can sense and also see my struggles. Which is also why i like to write in the forum.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #17 on: January 04, 2020, 08:06:04 AM »
Feeling more and more able to get over myself and doing things, that i know are beneficial for me.
Was studying today and was able to enjoy my achievements, which i couldnt before. It just didnt get trough to me emotionally. Seeing much more positive and confident into my future. Feel more like i will be a able to reach my goals in life or to get closer to them.

Y'all keep uo the good work.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2020, 08:21:56 AM by Jeks »

frodobaggins14

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #18 on: January 04, 2020, 01:07:09 PM »
Believe me Jeks, I've been in the same situation before, feeling suicidal after losing my long term girlfriend who I thought I loved very dearly. And there's no easy way to put it: it fucking sucks. And it's going to suck for a few more months. But trust me, it's been over a year now since my ex gf left me and I don't think about her anymore. Sure slight things might trigger memories we had together, but I dont dwell on them anymore like I used to. I've accepted what happened, and all I can hope for is that my next relationship will not end the same way. I've been able to find 2 sexual partners since we broke up, and I now think I'm in a headspace where I could have a long term relationship again. I promise you that in time you will feel much better, and what's most important is to focus on yourself. Improving yourself, practicing self care, and actually learning to love yourself independent of what anyone else thinks. It will take time and practice, I promise you that you can do it.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #19 on: January 06, 2020, 03:03:54 AM »
Thank you kind sir  ;D

i already feel much better about my ex gf. I think i wasnt as much devastated about she breaking up with me as i was about the fact, that i was afraid, that i never wolud be able to have a loving intimate and sexual relationship, because of my erectile dysfunction. I wasnt even certain, what the cause of it is. So yeah i still miss her and i really liked her and i often times feel like pied robed me from an oportunity to have a real good relationsship, but it would be not as bad, when i would not have pied anymore. So i will do anything to get this out of m life.

Didnt had morning wood a few days. Hope that it will come back. Still my emotional state is much better. Depression much better. Feel like my thoughts are more clear and sharp.

« Last Edit: January 06, 2020, 03:56:15 PM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #20 on: January 06, 2020, 03:12:14 PM »
Had plans to do stuff for university, but then i met a neighbour and we talked about one hour. After that i learnt for about half an hour and then a friend called me, i should come over have a coffee and a talk. After three!!! Hours i met another friend and talked about 2 hours. I got nothing done, but feel like i did so much, because i was never able to talk to people and felt like connecting this much with them and even enjoying it, as i was today.
Next time i really have to stick to my plan to study, but none the less it was a good day.

frodobaggins14

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #21 on: January 06, 2020, 05:53:23 PM »
Jeks, that sounds like you've made some really great strides!! I've also noticed that my ability to carry on conversations has improved a lot as well, specifically when speaking to girls. You're doing really great, I can't wait to see more of your progress!
-M

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #22 on: January 08, 2020, 10:04:39 AM »
Hey guys,

morning wood still went missing...
But today i wrote down all things, that keep me distracted from studying and then set a timer of one hour to do my stuff in order to be more focused. It went pretty well and i still get so much more satisfaction out of it, then like 2 weeks ago. Im thankful for that and hope that mw will come back again.
Tomorow ive got a appointment with my therapist. Im excited, how it will go.

Dont loose hope and stay strong guys.

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #23 on: January 09, 2020, 01:23:32 AM »
Had a sex dream this night. It was a little wierd, because i dreamed that i would have sex, but wasnt able to maintain erection. Woke up with shame and disapointment, but when i woke up i had a full erection. Lasted for a at least 5 additonal minutes.
Just happy that my brain and body seem to heal.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2020, 01:27:46 AM by Jeks »

Jeks

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Re: Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
« Reply #24 on: January 10, 2020, 02:30:31 AM »
Out of curiosity i looked up, how often i did relapse before this streak. 15 times.
Today: Woke up with morning wood, kept snoozing, lasted for at least 15 more minutes.