worth_it
Active Member
So this is the beginning of my journal. I'm 24 years old, on day 8 with no PMO and I thought that keeping my thoughts down in this forum would be a good idea. I also really need more people I can go through this with so I'm very grateful for this forum!
To give some background, I started watching P when I was 13. Started with pretty softcore stuff, just pictures for a while but within a year I was watching pretty hardcore videos. I feel like I sort of jumped over what is considered "normal" P because I wasn't comfortable with it. My average was around 1-2 times a day, sometimes a day or two off here and there. I went further down the hardcore path until I started having serious doubts about my sexuality and my gender identity as a result of the stuff I was watching. It was at that point when I realized that PMO was having a deeply negative psychological effect on me. I had always been a quiet and awkward kid so I wrote that part off as just my personality and in no way related to PMO, but as time went by I realized it was causing my view of life to be very negative and I became depressed in 12th grade (age 17).
I found faith for the first time near the end of that school year and that helped (and continues to help me) a lot. This was probably my first time trying no PMO consciously. However, it came back after a couple weeks and I went right back into typical habits. That was around age 18. From then until now, my time between each PMO has slowly but surely decreased down to once a week. I do feel like I have healed a lot and am a much more confident man. I've been constantly trying to stop this whole time, and was recently married a few months ago. I was under the impression that my P use would be a challenging talk with my wife but that would be the only negative aspect of dealing with my past. However, on my wedding night, while I was aroused I couldn't stay hard which was awful. I ended up needing to O in the bathroom by myself. It was still a very enjoyable experience but it scared me and I wrote it off as performance anxiety. However, it kept happening throughout my honeymoon. That was when I realized something else was going on, and I found out about PIED. Since then, I still haven't finished through sexual intercourse, only through her helping me O with her hand.
Because I was so stressed about PIED I went back to PMO and have continued to struggle with it since. I've talked about it with my wife some, and it hurts her (as you'd expect) but she's been more understanding as time has gone by. I have been improving, making it a 12-14 days multiple times, but I want to be free from it for good. The benefits in the bed with my wife, the newfound motivation and confidence to work harder and hopefully start my own business, and just being able to enjoy life more thoroughly all drive me to share this with you all. 8 days in, and I haven't looked at anything sexual or MO at all. I have fun with my wife and let her help me O, but still not staying hard for longer than a few minutes and sometimes use mental fantasy to get me there. Very excited to get started and to hear all of your stories!
To give some background, I started watching P when I was 13. Started with pretty softcore stuff, just pictures for a while but within a year I was watching pretty hardcore videos. I feel like I sort of jumped over what is considered "normal" P because I wasn't comfortable with it. My average was around 1-2 times a day, sometimes a day or two off here and there. I went further down the hardcore path until I started having serious doubts about my sexuality and my gender identity as a result of the stuff I was watching. It was at that point when I realized that PMO was having a deeply negative psychological effect on me. I had always been a quiet and awkward kid so I wrote that part off as just my personality and in no way related to PMO, but as time went by I realized it was causing my view of life to be very negative and I became depressed in 12th grade (age 17).
I found faith for the first time near the end of that school year and that helped (and continues to help me) a lot. This was probably my first time trying no PMO consciously. However, it came back after a couple weeks and I went right back into typical habits. That was around age 18. From then until now, my time between each PMO has slowly but surely decreased down to once a week. I do feel like I have healed a lot and am a much more confident man. I've been constantly trying to stop this whole time, and was recently married a few months ago. I was under the impression that my P use would be a challenging talk with my wife but that would be the only negative aspect of dealing with my past. However, on my wedding night, while I was aroused I couldn't stay hard which was awful. I ended up needing to O in the bathroom by myself. It was still a very enjoyable experience but it scared me and I wrote it off as performance anxiety. However, it kept happening throughout my honeymoon. That was when I realized something else was going on, and I found out about PIED. Since then, I still haven't finished through sexual intercourse, only through her helping me O with her hand.
Because I was so stressed about PIED I went back to PMO and have continued to struggle with it since. I've talked about it with my wife some, and it hurts her (as you'd expect) but she's been more understanding as time has gone by. I have been improving, making it a 12-14 days multiple times, but I want to be free from it for good. The benefits in the bed with my wife, the newfound motivation and confidence to work harder and hopefully start my own business, and just being able to enjoy life more thoroughly all drive me to share this with you all. 8 days in, and I haven't looked at anything sexual or MO at all. I have fun with my wife and let her help me O, but still not staying hard for longer than a few minutes and sometimes use mental fantasy to get me there. Very excited to get started and to hear all of your stories!