Journals > Ages 20-29

25yo male w/ social anxiety, eye contact, shyness issues

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Thedrummer:
Okay so I'm going to get straight to the point. I'm 25. Have been addicted to porm for 12 years and since 2015 I've had really really really bad symptoms up until now. Struggled insanely with social anxiety I never really had. Past few years been in my first relationship with a girl and still with her. Had lots of sex out first 2 years and after those 2 years our sex life was pretty shitty because of me. Major pied. No stamina. Having to fantasize. Or even smoke weed to get aroused. She is very sexy. But my porn addiction fucked me up. But yesterday for the 1st time in a long long time. We had amazing sex. Long foreplay before actually fucking. I was so into it. She was super hot to me. Didn't touch my junk as much and was still hard as rock. Anyway, she absolutely loved it and I think she was surprised. I haven't really gone in a long streak before, 2020 I tried my best to recover but relapsed few times. I also relapsed once a week ago but that's it. This year I have big goals for myself to rewire my brain. I've struggled a lot and depressed a lot and very sad of my life. Porn destroyed pretty much everything in my life. My way of thinking, my jobs, my relationships, family, friends, made me very jealous and insecure, brain fog, memory, constantly down, constantly thinking in the past and future, my lack of social skills kills me, I'm afraid to make friends, to laugh, I'm afraid and nervous to do simple things. But anyway, maybe it's because we were drunk and high and having a good time. But I've been drunk and high before and my sex wasn't like that. I wasn't fantasizing at all. I was enjoying our sex. Anybody want to let me know whu this may have happened?

Jeks:
Hey man, i have got no idea, why this happened to you. A lot of factors play a role in having great sex, not just PIED and porn. But trying to stay away from it as much as possible should definitely help.

Just an advice: If you write in a journal, i think it would be much easier for others to follow your story and comment on what is happening in your life. I think that would be much better, than just always writing a new post in a new journal every single time, because it is so much happening here in this forum right now, that it is hard to keep up with all. Even if you are only posting every months or so, i think you would do yourself a favour by posting it in a single journal, so people have easier access to your previous posts.

Good luck in quitting this shit man.

Thedrummer:
Yeah I see what you mean, no wonder. Thanks brother. You too

Thedrummer:
I had a wet dream last night but I don't remember anything sexual with a girl. Just orgasmed. Usually this happens to me when I go like 2 or 3 weeks without PMO. And never really lasted after that. Never even lasted a full 30 days. But since the start of this year, I only relapsed 1 time. And moved on. Had sex recently with my gf. I do feel a little lazy and whatever because of the wet dream but it's not that bad.

Thedrummer:
I noticed I've been having some intense random dreams being off PMO. The past week I've had weird and just crazy dreams. Most of my dreams i can say i was emotional or mad or scared about something or just showing anger. Hitting a woman I know. Twice. Shoving one of them as well. And crying afterwards because I love those women in my life. Yelling. It's just crazy. My last dream was pretty embarrassing. I felt shame. It had nothing to do with porn. But my family was around me and I felt immediate shame and I was scared of their reaction.

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