Journals > Ages 20-29

Reboot saves lives

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Hey guys I'm 21 and today I hit 10 days of NoFap(nothing spectacular but it's a start).Have been PMOing since age 11.Last year during quarantine it certainly became an addiction for me.I mean it was approximately 2-3 times a day binging and edging to porn.Sadly i didn't change much after the quarantine and continued to PMO without ever thinking it might cause any sexual problem.Then 4 months ago I hooked up with such a hot beautiful girl I was in love since high school.I enjoyed every second I spent with her,however in my pants was complete graveyard,0% erection and nothing except me touching it could change the situation down there.I thought it was weird but what the hell it will come up surely when i need it.Finally New Year's Eve we are home alone hopping into bed and 30-45 mins of foreplay and guess what ?My dick was still dead like nothing had happened in last 45 mins.My biggest fear happened and I wanted to kill myself right there.After I finally got it up a little bit I couldn't penetrate.Made up some stupid ass excuse like condom is tightening me too much and I'm drunk... So that day I searched everything possible and finally found yourbrainonporn and Gabe and this site and it cleared my mind I knew what was the cause of ED-those fucking porns.Although as I said only 10 days in but I noticed significant changes-like my ED is fading away,I mean whenever I hangout with my gf and we start kissing and touching eachother it turns me on and I always get a boner,yet only 10 days ago I couldn't get the slightest bit of erection(without touching myself)even though she was there naked in my bed.However,I don't think my erection is 100% maybe around 70% and I feel kinda stressed to call her over again bcs I'm scared that I will fail again.Still haven't experienced any withdrawal symptoms or flatline periods or low libido and I was wondering if it is even possible to recover without going through any of those issues?Have any of you guys been through this with your partner and have you told them about your reboot ?I'm too afraid to do so I need some advice.

It is now day 11:
Yesterday after I posted here I took a nap and for the first time since I started reboot had a dream about watching porn fapping to it-eventually cumming,but in reality I didn't cum so it wasn't a wet dream.After I woke up I wanted to test myself if I could masturbate without porn or fantasies(but I couldn't so I fantasized about my gf) and I was edging but somehow controlled myself not to cum.Then the same dream happened today when I woke up in the morning except that in this second dream i was trying to battle that feeling of horniness(or rather just porn and fap addiction) and didn't masturbate in the dream nor in reality.Is this normal to happen ?Could it be that edging maybe slowed my recovery? I read that I shouldn't count these as a relapse but I'm beginning to be worried...

Day 12
Morning wood since day 4-5 became inevitable(not that I complain  :D )but it is only about 60-70% and doesn't last long.However it feels awesome bcs it stopped happening like 3-4 yrs ago,believe me I've forgotten about the existence of it hahaha.I guess I'm on a right path to my ultimate goal-90 days of no PMO and that's when I'll see if ED is cured enough for me to have normal PIV sex.

Day 14
Still no craving for porn,had an awesome day hanging out with a lot of my high school friends.
When I got home I listed my instagram and stumbled upon some hot girls pics and my dick got pretty hard and I almost relapsed but managed to control myself(if it's not real no deal) but I feel like every new day i'm being one step closer to recovery.

Day 17
Yesterday I MOed without any fantasies just by sensation of the touch and it felt amazing,no chaser effect and my dick feels good.


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