rolandc244
Member
Hello Everyone,
I'm sure most of you remember that line from the Exorcist movie when the Greek priest's in a pub feeling worn out and is about to give up. That's the line that's been lingering in my mind for the last ten minutes, besides, who needs another subject that reads 'New start', huh? And I chose that line for a good reason because after all, one never wins against addiction, never ever, you just learn to do something else with your life, having first 'de-warped' a few ideas here and there and then get on with it, never turning back.
Before I go deeper into introducing myself and my struggle, I should say I have already been successful quitting (heavy) smoking and as well as drinking back in 2013 using Allen Carr's method, which power I find is underestimated when it comes to sex addiction. By the way, I should start out saying I see myself as an addict, from a genetics point of view at least, a sex addict, meaning not just a porn addict, besides, I never really loved porn as I always got best aroused by material that are erotic in nature or at least it's started that way. I'm sure lots of you will relate to that too.
Now let's take that deep dive into the unknown... I was born and raised in the South-West of France, that nobody cares about I?m sure and I'm currently 45 yo, having tried forever to find freedom from my addiction to sex (hear dopamine and alike), which nowadays largely consists of sitting in front of the internet, engaging in PMO, being caught in an endless relapse cycle, trying to break the shame cycle and everything and well, results aren't as great as I?m expecting, that's why I'm going public, yet anonymously for now. Sometimes you have to open the window and let the smoke dissipate, that's exactly what I am doing here. And I need the support of the good folk here to not close shop and intoxicate myself again.
My addiction story is probably similar to many other that started PMO before high-speed internet began and I'm not looking to reinvent the wheel here, although I should point out it has put me in trouble with the law before and that it's ruined my career too, making me dependent financially again, bringing me back (four years ago) where it had all started, that's at my parent's home. Useless to say, using in my aging parents's home, at my age, has made me feel immensely guilty these last years.
Also, two years ago I was hit by a severe cerebral stroke, caused by excessive blood-pressure, though I suspect my addiction had to play a role in it, and so I'm a stroke survivor and now that I'm supposed to work again, I'm dead scared because I've lost confidence in myself, living in a pressurizing, negative environment that shatters every bit of confidence I have left within myself. And of course, the PMO trap shouts louder and louder in such setting.
Not only have I ruined my professional career, but I have also lost all my friends and destroyed every intimate relationship I had, even if that's another topic in itself while I haven't been indulging in relationships with the most innocent girls anyway. I mean someone has a sex addiction problem is usually someone who has no friends and no life. But then once you have lost everyone and everything, how do you come out of the loop? I once thought about the mortgage technique. That is, you grant yourself the secretion of a few good chemicals in your brain by thinking of the people/situation you're about to meet or encounter soon while rebooting, so that you feel better enough until you get the rest of the chemicals engaging in those 'good' situations you have been visualizing. Somehow, it all boils to down to the fact that visualization techniques are a good way to start making your new life come true, the life you really need, not the one you're leaving behind.
I really feel it's pointless to try and craft a long fit-it-all post where everyone everywhere will know everything about me and my ongoing struggle as indeed this is an ongoing endeavor, where everyone constantly needs the support of others and so every subsequent post I write will contain ideas relevant to my current mood and the state of my progress, you get the drift.
Please do not hate me if I don't always reply as quickly as consistently, I'm an emotional addict too, always was, and I'm looking to find freedom from that too.
I remember having almost relapsed as I was starting this post but I hung well, I haven't relapsed. Last PMO was yesterday morning, Paris time, anyway, we're all in this and I can't thank you enough for the time you've just spent reading this.
Let's make this journey together!
I'm sure most of you remember that line from the Exorcist movie when the Greek priest's in a pub feeling worn out and is about to give up. That's the line that's been lingering in my mind for the last ten minutes, besides, who needs another subject that reads 'New start', huh? And I chose that line for a good reason because after all, one never wins against addiction, never ever, you just learn to do something else with your life, having first 'de-warped' a few ideas here and there and then get on with it, never turning back.
Before I go deeper into introducing myself and my struggle, I should say I have already been successful quitting (heavy) smoking and as well as drinking back in 2013 using Allen Carr's method, which power I find is underestimated when it comes to sex addiction. By the way, I should start out saying I see myself as an addict, from a genetics point of view at least, a sex addict, meaning not just a porn addict, besides, I never really loved porn as I always got best aroused by material that are erotic in nature or at least it's started that way. I'm sure lots of you will relate to that too.
Now let's take that deep dive into the unknown... I was born and raised in the South-West of France, that nobody cares about I?m sure and I'm currently 45 yo, having tried forever to find freedom from my addiction to sex (hear dopamine and alike), which nowadays largely consists of sitting in front of the internet, engaging in PMO, being caught in an endless relapse cycle, trying to break the shame cycle and everything and well, results aren't as great as I?m expecting, that's why I'm going public, yet anonymously for now. Sometimes you have to open the window and let the smoke dissipate, that's exactly what I am doing here. And I need the support of the good folk here to not close shop and intoxicate myself again.
My addiction story is probably similar to many other that started PMO before high-speed internet began and I'm not looking to reinvent the wheel here, although I should point out it has put me in trouble with the law before and that it's ruined my career too, making me dependent financially again, bringing me back (four years ago) where it had all started, that's at my parent's home. Useless to say, using in my aging parents's home, at my age, has made me feel immensely guilty these last years.
Also, two years ago I was hit by a severe cerebral stroke, caused by excessive blood-pressure, though I suspect my addiction had to play a role in it, and so I'm a stroke survivor and now that I'm supposed to work again, I'm dead scared because I've lost confidence in myself, living in a pressurizing, negative environment that shatters every bit of confidence I have left within myself. And of course, the PMO trap shouts louder and louder in such setting.
Not only have I ruined my professional career, but I have also lost all my friends and destroyed every intimate relationship I had, even if that's another topic in itself while I haven't been indulging in relationships with the most innocent girls anyway. I mean someone has a sex addiction problem is usually someone who has no friends and no life. But then once you have lost everyone and everything, how do you come out of the loop? I once thought about the mortgage technique. That is, you grant yourself the secretion of a few good chemicals in your brain by thinking of the people/situation you're about to meet or encounter soon while rebooting, so that you feel better enough until you get the rest of the chemicals engaging in those 'good' situations you have been visualizing. Somehow, it all boils to down to the fact that visualization techniques are a good way to start making your new life come true, the life you really need, not the one you're leaving behind.
I really feel it's pointless to try and craft a long fit-it-all post where everyone everywhere will know everything about me and my ongoing struggle as indeed this is an ongoing endeavor, where everyone constantly needs the support of others and so every subsequent post I write will contain ideas relevant to my current mood and the state of my progress, you get the drift.
Please do not hate me if I don't always reply as quickly as consistently, I'm an emotional addict too, always was, and I'm looking to find freedom from that too.
I remember having almost relapsed as I was starting this post but I hung well, I haven't relapsed. Last PMO was yesterday morning, Paris time, anyway, we're all in this and I can't thank you enough for the time you've just spent reading this.
Let's make this journey together!