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Topics - tom46017

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Ages 40 and up / It's never too late
« on: July 17, 2014, 07:44:29 PM »
I am 71 years old . . . feel about 30 . . . look about 55-60.  I have a bachelor's degree, master's degree, and have done post graduate work.  Semi retired . . . work 20 hours per week in a large church accounting and finance department.  Married, two great kids, four grandchildren.  Raised as a Protestant Christian from birth and still active in my church . . . a somewhat conservative denomination even though I am pretty liberal.  If my denomination had excommunication privileges, I would have been gone long ago!

I have been addicted to internet porn for at least 10 years.  Before that, I frequented adult books stores when I was out of town on business.  I started with pretty "normal" porn . . . clean cut male/female couples.  As time went on, even though I did not realize it, I was progressing into more and more of the bazaar. Now it is gang bang, circle jerk, bisexual male/male/female, even on rare occasions, bestiality.

I started having ED about 6 to 8 years ago.  I have gone to urologist to have my testosterone checked . . . it is ok.  I have used samples of all the ED meds.  They help some but never have gotten me rock hard like before ED.  I am on several medications because of sleep disorders and depression.  I have some prostate issues so there is a med for that.  I have some cholesterol problems . . . both good and bad . . . and I am on meds for that.  I have hypothyroidism . . .med for that!  Old age sucks but it is better than the alternative!

I cannot cum unless I watch porn.  Even then cumming does not always happen.  Since I cannot get hard, intercourse is out.  On the rare occasions when my wife and I have sex, I can satisfy her orally.  I like doing that and she likes it but it does not give me a hard on.

I feel ashamed that I watch porn because I know it would disappoint my family and friends if they knew if was getting with porn.  My wife does know.  I have told her.  She feels that is a form of cheating but she stands by me and encourages me to stop and does not "blast" me when she finds out I have relapsed.

I came in to watch porn on June 25.  For some reason, rather than search for some porn, I did a search for porn addiction.  I have no idea why I did that! But . . . what I found was incredible.  One of my favorite sites was on You Tube.  The guy's name is Sean Stewart.  He has a lot of videos and I have watched them all.  I am using a lot of his techniques and the success if unbelievable.  My mind set is beginning to change from thinking about sex every 10 seconds to being happier, feeling more in control, being more positive, being more confident.  All of this in just three weeks.

Yesterday, July 16, I did have some free time at home and my wife was gone.  I was horny and decided I would see if I could jerk off and cum without the porn.  I used several toys including a pump device that my urologist prescribed.  Also a vibrator and dildo.  It all felt great but I could not maintain a hard on and I could not cum.  I resorted to watching 10 minutes of porn and busted very quickly.  Go figure!

Still, I do not think I have this strong desire to start watching porn again.  Watching porn just does not seem so attractive as a way to get aroused.  My sex drive seems to have diminished some and for me that is a good thing since sex is usually on my mine almost every 10 seconds.

I am going to add more later.  Right now I am going to attend a live discussion of step two of the 12 step addiction process with Sean Stewart. 

Later.

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Porn Addiction / What does PMO stand for?
« on: July 16, 2014, 07:20:36 PM »
I am new to RebootNation.  I see PMO used a lot.  I must be dense!  What does it stand for?

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Porn Addiction / How do I get an accountability partner
« on: July 16, 2014, 07:06:48 PM »
I want to get an accountability partner.  Can anyone share with me how this works?

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Porn Addiction / Married but bisexual
« on: July 16, 2014, 06:58:27 PM »
I am happily married but my wife and I rarely have sex.  I have been addicted to porn for several years.  I first started watching male/female couples in adult bookstores.  I did not like watching male/male couples.  However, over the years I have progressed to the bazaar since porn is so accessible on the internet.  I watch good looking guys gang bang a female, I watch young male athletes and young college guys jack off.  I watch circle jerks.  I watch web cam guys jacking off.  The only way I can get hard enough to cum is to watch clean cut, young males jack off.  I do not care for the male/male videos. 

I am on depression/anxiety medication. 

I have been 19 days without porn.  I have been watching you tube (Sean Stewart). and that has helped a lot.  I am doing meditation, exercise, and mind exercises to try to help my self esteem and confidence and would like to get to the point where I can at least decrease the dosage of my medication.

I am also a serial adulterer.  I have been free from that for about 21 days. 

I would like to have an accountability partner.  Let me know if you are interested.

[email protected] 

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Porn Addiction / Accountability partner
« on: July 15, 2014, 06:38:56 PM »
Just became a member.  I am married but have been addicted to porn for several years.  Sex with my wife if very, very, seldom.  I came in to watch porn on Thursday night, June 26.  For some reason I went to You Tube and searched porn addiction.  I found Sean Stewart who had been addicted to porn for 14 years starting at age 16.  He has several videos on You Tube that have really changed my life.  I have been porn free for 19 days and really do not feel any need to go to it.  Sean has given me many tips on how to change my thought process, how to think positive, how to stop being depressed, how to block feelings of sexual desire, and on and on.

Today, I came upon videos by Gabe.  I am so grateful for his honesty and his freedom to discuss porn and sex in the terms most of us men think of it.  Common language such as whacking off and jerking off help to make me feel very comfortable with Gabe.  Sean Stewart also talks in terms most of us men can understand!

I really thought I was the only upstanding, clean cut, hard working man that was hooked to such trash.

I am impotent but watching porn was the only way I could get off . . . but even that was a 50/50 chance.  I have ED but that could be because of age.  I am not a virile 25-30 year old any more even though my sex drive is as strong now as it was back in those days.

Would like to hear from others who are recovering from addiction.  Let me know your story.  I would like to find an accountability partner

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