Journals > Ages 30-39

Age 31 - PIED (I think) - MOing since 7-8 Years old

(1/1)

ROBOT:
Age:
31

Symptom:
ED - Suspect PIED (98% sure)

Doctors? -
Prescribed Cialis daily (for 3 years).  I want to get off of it.  Expensive and I shouldn't need it.
A Urologist took a look and he said everything is fine and dandy. 

Why I am here?
Because I finally found that I'm not the only one with this issue.
I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. 
Now that I know it is my brain, I"m going to work hard at it.

How Did I get here?
I accidentally came upon this website about a week ago.  I"m glad I did. 
I gave up porn/masturbation on my own, not with the intent to cure my PIED.  It was because I really liked a woman I was seeing.
For me giving up masturbation/porn comes naturally when I really like a woman (which hasn't happened in years).

Something very interesting started to happen while we were having sex. 
While having sex I was losing my erection (even on Cialis).  This hadn't really happened to me in the past.  I knew I couldn't get it up without Cialis, but I wasn't really having too many issues in the bedroom.  Until now!  That freaks me right out.  Now I knew something was really wrong.
I had never really thought that PORN was affecting my life as much as it had.  I've always watched porn almost out of bordem or to get off.
I"ve never let it control me at work, in public, exc.  It has always been at home on my own.  2-3 Times per day. 

History:
- Started MO before I knew what I was doing.  I would say around the age of 7 or 8.  Started with the shower head feeling amazing.
- Then found my dads "Playboys" a few years later, then his VHS tapes (soft stuff mostly). 
- Moved on to Hustler
- Had a few girlfriends and we messed around in highschool.  Nothing to crazy.
- I've always masturbated a lot, but it wasn't until the internet came around that things go out of hand.
- Fast forward to college.  The internet has blossomed.  Everything at my finger tips.  Started downloading a lot of porn (good thing I had to wait).
- Started from softcare, to homemade, to squirting, then very hard.
- Within the past 10 years, I went from "hardcore" porn mostly rough sex, to things that weren't even aligning with my sexuality (gay/bi/tranny).
- I used craiglist-backpage and would fantasize about the situations
- I was always scared that my addition would bring me to places I was scared of.  The thing is, that my brain normalized it and made me think it was "normal".  That to me is the scariest thing of all.
- Today I have ED (have had it for years).
- I can't remember a time that I went more than like 3 days without MOing.

Today:
I'm not really sure what day I"m on, some where in the 3-4 week mark.
I haven't stopped fooling around with women.  I have just stopped with porn, fantasy, sexting, and a lot of the internet.
I'm always fairly busy.  Not to worried on that. 

My Fear?
I gave up Cialis today.  I honestly don't think I can get it up at all without it.  I'm scared that my erections won't come back. 
I miss ROCK hard erections.  I miss my libido.  I miss me. 
I don't care how long it takes, or what I have to do.  I just want to know that it will come back.
I have some very supportive women in my life.  I spoke with them all about the situation.  They are on board.
I know every person is different.  I'm going to try what works for me.  I have the knowledge now of what is causing the issue. 

I just needed to ramble and get that off my mind.

alotofhopenow:
Good stuff that you've figured out your issue! Very similar story to me and others. Especially the ramping up with the porn. Start  with softest stuff and the move to more and more extreme to get the brain sending the signals.

Now you can have confidence in your porn abstinence and move forward!

Good job so far and keep it up!

macondo:
Thanks for the great description Robot, it sounds a lot like me actually. I'm 38, had a healthy erection and libido, but PMO'd a ton and had to eventually use Cialis for ED. I've been doing this for about a month and have seen great results, though flatlining is really hard, and that's where I'm at right now. Hopefully it goes away soon tho, many on here have said it's temporary and manageable.

Good luck with your journey, this is the best thing you can do. Take care and good luck.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

Go to full version