Vincent Joy
Member
This is my story.
From the terrible young age of seven I had my first encounter with pornography. I remember sneaking down early in the morning when everyone was still sleeping, to type in exciting things in google and got to click all these different sites which excited me greatly. I discovered masturbation months after I started watching porn. I was never able to experience anything embodied with my sexuality without porn having to do anything with it. My view of sex was set. So to speak I wasn?t rewired, but wired with by the effects of porn.
Years passed by and I would always seek better quality material and extremer scenes. The time I entered middle school, at Age 11, I was greatly addicted. Every year my social withdrawing became worse. I wasn?t able to connect with girls of my age, humans in overall, nature and animals. I Felt the great pain of diminishing myself and self-hate. Numbing out on somewhat every feeling other than the excitement I felt when I opened my computer. My bedroom was a mine field of napkins used to clean my ejaculations. Preformed bad at school. All my energy was spent on this one thing. Everywhere every moment it was on my mind. Which girl, video, category I was going to watch when I got back home. I was totally unaware what porn was doing to my live. I had no idea that on the other side of porn there was a land full of passion and love. I was unconscious about the fact that the world wasn?t going to bring me a great live until I would stand up and take action. I was in great pain.
At the age of 17 at a summer day in 2014 It all changed. I was googling if girls liked men who masturbate a lot. I stumbled on an article about a man who quit porn and excessive masturbation. As a result, he gained all this great sexual experiences himself.
I didn?t want to believe it. I was so scared to call myself a porn addict. Does such a thing even exist? I was trying to forget about it but the thought of it just didn?t go away. Some days later I felt something, something like a call ringing inside my head. I just had to find out more about it!
Some days later I found an internet community of people who were struggling with a porn/excessive masturbation addiction. The more I read the more I could resonate with the stories of this people. I had to find out for myself ?Am I addicted to porn?? Finally, I set myself that relapse day counter with a smiley next to it and I said ?enough is enough.? I didn?t know it back then but it was the beginning of my awakening, my reborn, myself development. The biggest struggle of my life.
I struggled, all the feelings I had numbed out for almost all my life, came raining down on me, well not just rain? a hurricane of shit. I cried, I screamed, felt depressed. I couldn?t run away from all of this anymore. I failed so many times. I was being drawn back again and again to porn. It felt like my live was a vicious cycle of pain and suffering. Am I able to break through this?
The more I failed the more insight and knowledge I got from what had led me to relapse. I knew I had to change my approach. I had to become focused and create inner-strength. I Eventually started learning meditation. I felt optimistic but, I had no idea what I was doing. I closed my eyes. I felt my chest go up and down. I felt my breath enter and exit my body. One second later I was thinking about what I would eat tonight. It was challenging but I kept doing it and I gained more and more awareness and consciousness every week. I began taking ice cold showers to supress extreme horniness. I felt like I would explode. I started to learn myself play guitar. I restarted fitness. I Quit watching TV and stopped playing video games. I felt like a training Spartan.
After 6 months of failing again and again I finally hit the milestone of 20 days. it was a week day night in begin April. I was looking up from my bed. I just couldn?t catch sleep extreme horniness kept me awake and made me curl and twist in my bed. I was on the verge of breaking down again. I was afraid of failing again. I slept three hours that night. I was so tired when I woke, that I could hardly realize that I hadn?t relapsed this time. I awoke with a new power inside of me. I woke a new person.
I felt like my 7-year-old self again. I was happy and alive for the first time in a long time. I felt genuine excitement and love inside of my belly. I knew now that I had the power to break from my chains.
In the middle of May, 2 months later I didn?t stumble into porn since that previous night. I was home alone. I didn?t hear a sound inside the house. Something happened to me that day. I felt anxious, afraid and angry. I laid down on the couch in the living room. I felt the light of my computer screen burn on my face. I got ran into some sexy photo on the net. One hour later I found myself with my own ejaculation on my belly. I had failed at last. I tried to cry but no tears came. I tried to scream but no sound appeared. That day, I died. That day, was the last time I ever watched porn.
Two weeks after this experience I met a girl and we started to date. My life blossomed open into love from this amazingly intimate relationship. It was my first love and I never experienced something like it. Throughout the following 2 years. I struggled with my personality and being myself. anxious feelings remained. I got to deal with live as hard and beautiful as it is. I am happy I went thru this. I am grateful for the amazing discipline I gained. I am happy for having been addicted. If I wasn?t. I wouldn?t be the person I am today.
It has now been over two years since I desperately told myself that this would be the last time, this is the time I would beat my addiction and claim the life I had the right to have. I went on to discover another culture as an exchange student for a year. I have reclaimed and found myself a sensitive, joyful and an aware man. Talked to amazing people who listened to my story and mentored me. Learned myself to play a variety of instruments. Became physically healthy. Gave blankets to homeless people with money I gathered from friends and family, raised a motherless puppy from birth and I got to explore myself and continue till this day, to give my service and gifts to the world.
Offer of help:
I am now active on building a platform to help men and women who are in a similar situation as I was in. On my site I am planning to creating free valuable content that will help you become fully aware of your porn use and lifestyle. I will be starting a podcast called "Awareness 2 Porn". You can always contact me at [email protected]
I will be there to answer all you questions and messages.
Be sure to check out the website.
www.awareness2porn.com
Want to get in contact thru facebook go thru here.
https://www.facebook.com/Awareness-2-Porn-1585719768395821/
With a lot of courage to you
- Vincent Joy
From the terrible young age of seven I had my first encounter with pornography. I remember sneaking down early in the morning when everyone was still sleeping, to type in exciting things in google and got to click all these different sites which excited me greatly. I discovered masturbation months after I started watching porn. I was never able to experience anything embodied with my sexuality without porn having to do anything with it. My view of sex was set. So to speak I wasn?t rewired, but wired with by the effects of porn.
Years passed by and I would always seek better quality material and extremer scenes. The time I entered middle school, at Age 11, I was greatly addicted. Every year my social withdrawing became worse. I wasn?t able to connect with girls of my age, humans in overall, nature and animals. I Felt the great pain of diminishing myself and self-hate. Numbing out on somewhat every feeling other than the excitement I felt when I opened my computer. My bedroom was a mine field of napkins used to clean my ejaculations. Preformed bad at school. All my energy was spent on this one thing. Everywhere every moment it was on my mind. Which girl, video, category I was going to watch when I got back home. I was totally unaware what porn was doing to my live. I had no idea that on the other side of porn there was a land full of passion and love. I was unconscious about the fact that the world wasn?t going to bring me a great live until I would stand up and take action. I was in great pain.
At the age of 17 at a summer day in 2014 It all changed. I was googling if girls liked men who masturbate a lot. I stumbled on an article about a man who quit porn and excessive masturbation. As a result, he gained all this great sexual experiences himself.
I didn?t want to believe it. I was so scared to call myself a porn addict. Does such a thing even exist? I was trying to forget about it but the thought of it just didn?t go away. Some days later I felt something, something like a call ringing inside my head. I just had to find out more about it!
Some days later I found an internet community of people who were struggling with a porn/excessive masturbation addiction. The more I read the more I could resonate with the stories of this people. I had to find out for myself ?Am I addicted to porn?? Finally, I set myself that relapse day counter with a smiley next to it and I said ?enough is enough.? I didn?t know it back then but it was the beginning of my awakening, my reborn, myself development. The biggest struggle of my life.
I struggled, all the feelings I had numbed out for almost all my life, came raining down on me, well not just rain? a hurricane of shit. I cried, I screamed, felt depressed. I couldn?t run away from all of this anymore. I failed so many times. I was being drawn back again and again to porn. It felt like my live was a vicious cycle of pain and suffering. Am I able to break through this?
The more I failed the more insight and knowledge I got from what had led me to relapse. I knew I had to change my approach. I had to become focused and create inner-strength. I Eventually started learning meditation. I felt optimistic but, I had no idea what I was doing. I closed my eyes. I felt my chest go up and down. I felt my breath enter and exit my body. One second later I was thinking about what I would eat tonight. It was challenging but I kept doing it and I gained more and more awareness and consciousness every week. I began taking ice cold showers to supress extreme horniness. I felt like I would explode. I started to learn myself play guitar. I restarted fitness. I Quit watching TV and stopped playing video games. I felt like a training Spartan.
After 6 months of failing again and again I finally hit the milestone of 20 days. it was a week day night in begin April. I was looking up from my bed. I just couldn?t catch sleep extreme horniness kept me awake and made me curl and twist in my bed. I was on the verge of breaking down again. I was afraid of failing again. I slept three hours that night. I was so tired when I woke, that I could hardly realize that I hadn?t relapsed this time. I awoke with a new power inside of me. I woke a new person.
I felt like my 7-year-old self again. I was happy and alive for the first time in a long time. I felt genuine excitement and love inside of my belly. I knew now that I had the power to break from my chains.
In the middle of May, 2 months later I didn?t stumble into porn since that previous night. I was home alone. I didn?t hear a sound inside the house. Something happened to me that day. I felt anxious, afraid and angry. I laid down on the couch in the living room. I felt the light of my computer screen burn on my face. I got ran into some sexy photo on the net. One hour later I found myself with my own ejaculation on my belly. I had failed at last. I tried to cry but no tears came. I tried to scream but no sound appeared. That day, I died. That day, was the last time I ever watched porn.
Two weeks after this experience I met a girl and we started to date. My life blossomed open into love from this amazingly intimate relationship. It was my first love and I never experienced something like it. Throughout the following 2 years. I struggled with my personality and being myself. anxious feelings remained. I got to deal with live as hard and beautiful as it is. I am happy I went thru this. I am grateful for the amazing discipline I gained. I am happy for having been addicted. If I wasn?t. I wouldn?t be the person I am today.
It has now been over two years since I desperately told myself that this would be the last time, this is the time I would beat my addiction and claim the life I had the right to have. I went on to discover another culture as an exchange student for a year. I have reclaimed and found myself a sensitive, joyful and an aware man. Talked to amazing people who listened to my story and mentored me. Learned myself to play a variety of instruments. Became physically healthy. Gave blankets to homeless people with money I gathered from friends and family, raised a motherless puppy from birth and I got to explore myself and continue till this day, to give my service and gifts to the world.
Offer of help:
I am now active on building a platform to help men and women who are in a similar situation as I was in. On my site I am planning to creating free valuable content that will help you become fully aware of your porn use and lifestyle. I will be starting a podcast called "Awareness 2 Porn". You can always contact me at [email protected]
I will be there to answer all you questions and messages.
Be sure to check out the website.
www.awareness2porn.com
Want to get in contact thru facebook go thru here.
https://www.facebook.com/Awareness-2-Porn-1585719768395821/
With a lot of courage to you
- Vincent Joy
