1 year of sobriety

Hello,
A P addict of many years here. I'm rubbish at posting in forums so forgive me if this goes wrong. I want to connect with a few of you and, after a year of sobriety, want to share some stuff I've learned. I'm no sage, I still struggle and have a lot to learn. There's no way i can share all my tools and what I've learned in one post, so I'm going to try and write a bit every day. Perhaps I should have started an online journal or blog? shows how clueless I am. I'll try replying to my own post and see how it goes (if anyone has any advice on that, let me know!)

otherwise, let's get to the important stuff!

2 years ago I said, 'I'm sick of this, I have to stop.' I searched around and found some tools, did a lot of reading, fell down and got up and fell down again many times. I mostly followed the Tony Litster method (more on that in a moment), and a big difference in his method for sobriety is that he doesn't insist you count the days of sobriety. You listen to his audio, and he asks, 'how did you do last week? well, never mind about that now, just let it go.' because it's all about where you are now. I don't want to say that's definitely the way to go, because I know many people live by the ticking off the days method, but it worked for me. You don't beat yourself up over the previous week, you don't go through the guilt and the shame, you just feel calm and determined to do well today. I had good weeks and bad weeks. I had a lot of bad weeks. Then the good weeks started to outnumber the bad weeks. I haven't been looking back, but then I did, and I see, wow, it's been a year of sobriety. a year of sobriety doesn't mean much, because there are hard days ahead and all that matters is how strong I am in that moment. who cares if I fall off the wagon again, but I can say, 'well, I did have that good year.' I just thought it would be a good title for my topic 

my first important tool is a diary. Actually I found a great online resource by 'Fierce gentlemen, quit P in 30 days', but I can't see it online anymore. it was very simple - a word document that said consisted of:

day 1
My Commitment To Myself Today:
If or When Cravings Arise Today, I Will:
Thought Log:

day 2
My Commitment To Myself Today:
If or When Cravings Arise Today, I Will:
Thought Log:

...and so on.

Pretty simple stuff. I made a document for every month, wrote down my hopes, learnings, regrets, triggers and so on. I wrote about the previous day, how i'm feeling now, and my intention for the day ahead, and I do it first thing in the morning. Some would say use a notebook and not your computer for this, which makes sense, but I was too scared of it being found and read, so I did it all on my computer.

The other thing was following the tony litster programme. google 'cure the craving tony litster' to find it. You can also paste that into youtube to hear him doing some talks on what the programme is about. it's free, Tony suffered addiction himself and now simply wants to help others. On his website, go to 'programmes' and you can sign up for the 9 month audio programme, and you can an email with an audio file a couple of times a week for nine months. he gives you ideas to work on slowly, bit by bit, so not to overwhelm you. because it's a marathon, not a sprint.  So as I worked on all these assignments and ideas, all that I was doing and my thoughts went into the journal.

One thing I'll say that was confusing is that he calls his audios 'Calls'. Because you can dial in on your phone to hear the audio. I live in a different time zone and so it made no sense to me. If I didn't 'call' would i not be participating. Other than a couple of question and answer sessions, there is simply an mp3 download in every email where he gives you advice, a pep talk and new NP tools to 'cure the craving'.

Hope this helps and gives some of you hope. A long time ago, I was looking at this forum feeling hopeless, looking for information and help, and I found it. And I'm on the other side, fitter, happier, married. Speak to you soon.

Rainman

Part 2

This bit's about depression. I don't officially have depression and don't see a therapist or anything, but I've had deaths in the family and hard times over the last few years, and of course P addiction makes it 10 times worse. I wonder, what came first? the P addiction or the depression? P always helps when you want short term distraction from real life, but it makes things so much worse when you have to return. So it doesn't matter what came first, I just know these are two things I need to do a lot of work on.

I'm 35 now. Things got really bad several years ago. I was in my 20s, life was easy, I was living with my gorgeous, very lovely, long term girlfriend. Suddenly tragedy, deaths in the family, and my girlfriend suddenly turns into someone else, she's angry, unsympathetic, and leaves me without saying goodbye after 4 years of living together with no explanation. Lost my home, lost my job, it was all pretty rough. I move into a place with a lot of privacy, get my own laptop; I'd been watching P since I was a teen, but on cable and for me internet P was still quite limited, but this is when I discover it's free and unlimited. Cue several years of depression and T addiction, that vicious cycle of thinking real life is rubbish, and whenever I stopped watching P and went outside, the rainy town where I live (hence 'rainman') seemed to confirm all of it.

for me, a big help fighting depression is the famous book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns. You can skip the first part where he talks about depression and how great his book is. the great stuff are the mental exercises that help you live an active life. Depression stops you wanting to do anything (except maybe watching P). and if you stay home alone in bed, you get more depressed, but when you're depressed, you're cant get motivated to do anything. a vicious cycle! So the exercises include, for example, organising an evening (or week, or a day hour by hour), with activities like meeting a friend for a drink, or going for a run. Rate how high you think the pleasure will be before, and how good it was after. Getting out and living is always so much better than you imagine it will be (when you're at home thinking everything sucks).

Also,

a big breakthrough for me came a year ago when I accepted my sadness. there's a famous saying - don't shoot yourself with the second bullet. Ie, you feel depressed and you cant talk to people properly, and you cancel seeing a friend at late notice because you really can't bear the thought of going out, or - of course - damn, after a week of sobriety, I just spent a whole day watching P. that's the first bullet. The second bullet is thinking, 'I'm crap, i'm not a good friend, I cant function as a person, damn this addiction, depression has a grip on me and i'm wasting my life!'

But one day, I thought, 'all this bad stuff has been happening for the last several years, and I'm allowed to be sad. If I have to cancel a friend at the last minute, I apologise and give my reason. I don't think i'm pathetic because of it.' A massive breakthrough! I have a huge morning ritual I do every morning (which i'll go through soon, it includes reminding myself that watching P will make me feel awful for the rest of the day/ week after a brief period of distraction), and sometimes I thought, 'i'm sick of this, when will I be 'normal', a happy guy who can stay off P, jump out of bed each day and live life to the full without going through a really long self help ritual, arrrgh!' Now I say to myself each morning (part of the ritual actually, because i'm not a morning person, I always wake feeling terrible, and i'm very susceptible to watching P), 'You've been through a lot of shit,  and the P addiction adds to the depression and lack of feeling any satisfaction in anything. so you probably feel unexcited about getting up and going to your job in your rainy town. That's why you need to do all the activities in your morning ritual, and you'll be ready to face the day.' once i'm prepared and use a lot of 'Feeling Good' exercises to tackle all the tasks I need to do, i'm active, and when i'm active, i'm less depressed and in need to lock myself in a room and watch P.

Cheers, have a great weekend everyone, speak to you soon

Rainman

"for me, a big help fighting depression is the famous book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns. You can skip the first part where he talks about depression and how great his book is. the great stuff are the mental exercises that help you live an active life."

Dont really have a problem with watching P anymore since i found out about the consequences it has been easy, nor do i think i am depressed, but there is an emptiness inside...
The hardest part is the motivation and the flatline, as for the flatline there is nothing i can do, i already know that, but I would like to know some of your motivation techniques...
If u could i would like u to describe your method of self motivation.
Meditation and exercise are helping, but i feel i can do more.

Anyways, hope u reply soon cheers...

Hi there AO, I've photographed the pages and uploaded them to a blog.

link here

http://donothingismexercises.blogspot.com

pics 1 -3 explain what exercises are good for what situation

pics 5, 6 and 9 are my favourite exercises

It takes a bit of activity to wake yourself out of the rut, that helps the empty feeling and the lack of motivation, then more activity is easier and it's onwards and upwards. Good luck!

Absolutely amazing!  Half the battle is finding something that works for YOU!!! well done

Cheers Bibbity. Yes, and with all the great suggestions from all these success stories, I think we're all bound to win our individual battles. And this next post is very personal to me, though the suggested exercises are commonly mentioned in the fight for sobriety.

Part 3 - stress and anger
The Tony Lister week 5 'Call' (audio download) was one of the best. He asked, 'What are you looking for?' And suggested some possibilities - and pretty much all of them were true for me. I cut and pasted them below:

a.    Are you looking to release pressure pressure?
b.    Are you looking to escape?
c.    Are you seeking excitement?
d.    Are you desiring to do something forbidden?
e.    Are you looking for a sense of fulfillment?
f.    Are you seeking acceptance?
g.    Do you desire to be seen as attractive and lovable?
h.    Do you want to feel valued?
i.    Do you want that rush of adrenaline?
j.    Are you seeking relaxation and calmness?
k.    Do you seek total transparency with another person?
l.    Do you seek a sense of power or domination?

(by the way - the reason he asks the question is so that we can other ways to deal with these issues)

But the last one hit me like a hammer. I realised I was angry. I was angry at my ex girlfriends, I was angry at all the times I get disrespected in a day, I'm angry when I watch the news and see the atrocities that people inflict on other people. Watching P was an outlet for these violent feelings. Grim stuff, I know. It was very surprising to me, as I try to be the nicest guy to everyone out there in the real world. But at home, in my head, there was some nasty stuff going on.

So what do I do with all this stress and anger? the answer is yoga and meditation, and the bigger answer is love. These tips might be common to some of you. But if not, if like me, you heard the word 'yoga' and thought, 'come on, that really isn't for me.' I want to say, I never thought I'd practise yoga (or meditation for that matter).

I started yoga because T Litster repeatedly recommended it. incidentally I've been listening to his audios on a loop. there are 9 months of weekly audios with loads of good tips and exercises. They don't all work and sink in straight away (like the yoga suggestion, which I ignored first time around). I'm continually working on my self and doing healthy habits.

But the big push into yoga was that I'm now in my 30s and my body isn't what it was. I ache simply from waking up the mornings. I get back ache from watching TV, and neck strain from reading. Someone was trying to tell me something.

So (so far) I do all my yoga online. Warning - there are attractive women doing these yoga videos, so maybe it's a no go for you. I started with the '30 day yoga challenge' on youtube - there are a few. they start slow which is great if you're a novice like me, then build up on techniques and practises. the '30 days' is a great challenge and introduction, even though you miss the odd day, the timetable is there for you to come back to. when I feel terrible, or I don't want to do yoga (I try to do it daily unless I exercise that day), I remind myself, 'Yoga shifts your mood.'

meditation
meditation is so necessary in modern life. I live in the city. I go outside, it's raining. I get on a train full of aggressive people who don't want to be going to work so early. I get treated badly by my boss. all day the sound of traffic is deafening. I read the paper and hear about latest local and global atrocities... I could go on.

So every day for at least 10 minutes, I close my eyes and focus on my breath, and become conscious of my body, and what a miracle it is that I exist as a sentient being in this big amazing world. I use the meditation app 'headspace', which I pay for. but I think the first few weeks are free - and I recommend just trying the free bits. because for a meditation newbie to close your eyes and not think about anything is tough work. headspace.com talks you through the process, they start at 5 minutes, then build to longer meditations; if you pay (a small amount) for the app, it talks you through techniques, like the heart series, ie 'meditation and love' - feeling love for those around you. for example, you can sit on a train after a horrible day, and you don't feel like you hate everyone around you because they're pushing you, trying to get home 2 minutes faster.

Once you acquire this calmness and serenity, you'll wonder how you dealt with the stress of the modern world before it.

Also, let go of the past, let go of anger and hate, because it hurts YOU. Anger at being treated badly by an ex-girlfriend is like holding onto a red hot coal - you're just burning the crap out of your hand and hurting yourself. When I think, I'm letting that go, so I feel better, I have to say it makes me feel pretty smug.

The most important healer is love. Once I took care of all the vile in me, I really felt like a different person, and realised there was a new energy I had to feel and put out there if I wasn't going to feel those dark feelings that took me to dark places anymore.

I say the following affirmation to myself every day:
let go of hate, anger, frustration through love. what can you do for other people? Be optimistic and loving through my business (taking an interest in my community and city).

don't let the following be your epitaph - 'He was born, and then everything bothered him, then he died'

remember life is short and unpredictable, we can go anytime, so I make sure my relationships run at a constant level of perfection, I don't quibble or keep score and I give and receive love. I have great friends and family who support me and enrich my life.


Cheers

rainman

Part 4
I'll (hopefully) add some extra tips and tweaks after this, but this sums up the big part of the rest of my tools.
morning ritual and daily affirmations
I say morning ritual, but bits might have to wait until other parts of the day. ideally, it's a morning ritual.

morning ritual
I read a few things, including daily affirmations (I use the free evernote app for this, so I can have them on my phone, easy at hand)

I look at a few pictures (also on the evernote app) of my loved ones, of my travels, of times in my life I've been happy when I wasn't addicted to P

I meditate for 20 minutes. I'm sure 5 would be enough, but I listen to a guided meditation on the headspace app.

I go for a walk (as I work at home) - really important, gets the circulation going and try not to listen to music or a podcast, gets you out of yourself.

I spend a moment writing in my notebook - about how the previous day has gone, and my intentions for the day ahead

A run, workout or a yoga practise (this might have to wait for later in the day)

Daily affirmations - Relapsing results in shame and thinking you're a piece of crap, so I say a lot of positive things, and after a while you believe them... apparently. You can even think up something you don't like about yourself, and the complete opposite statement can be your affirmation (eg 'I'm not addicted to P, I'm giving up bad habits and am enjoying new healthy ways to spend my time). They sound like the following

I?m grateful for each day, and the challenge and pleasure that each day brings along

I embrace each day with hope, passion and enthusiasm

Energy surges through me

Those are more general, then there are a few focused on P, eg - I work hard to resist cravings (eg get up and walk), because I've been down for so long, keep up bad habits and it'll always be this way.

Of the other inspiring things I read, here is a quote by Oliver Sacks on learning he had terminal cancer.

It is the fate of every human being to be a unique individual, to find his own path, to live his own life, to die his own death.

I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved; I have been given much and I have given something in return; I have read and traveled and thought and written. I have had an intercourse with the world, the special intercourse of writers and readers.

Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.

Just to remind myself every day how finite life is.; about what's important, about the miracle of life, about what I want to look back on at the end of my life, and how it would be pretty lame to spend my day having a wank behind a closed door.

Cheers, and all the best to you all!

Rainman

Thanks for posting this. I need the encouragement just now. Relapsed, feel very guilty, and stupid.

Hey Guy 5. Hope you can use some of the tools

Remember, you're on the road to recovery, and relapse is part of that road
The only way you stop being on the road to recovery is by giving up, by restating your intention for sobriety, you're still on the road
Don't look back, no shame, no guilt, go easy on yourself. be kind to yourself
use the relapse to explore how it's made you feel. don't hold onto any of those feelings, but remember them for next time the urges come along
and keep on reading all these awesome success stories! they're a big inspiration to me when the urges hit!

Part 5
This tool may seem obvious, so obvious I didn't think to mention it til now - it's website blocks/ filters.
You may think, well duh; or you may think - is that real sobriety if you've just taken away the temptation? well, it's like an alcoholic not keeping booze in the house!

Tony Litster says sobriety is about the front line and the back line (sports analogy). back line is: living well, good diet, keeping fit, reminding yourself why sobriety is important and so on. front line is when the urge hits, that moment when you have to be strong and have will power and focus your mind elsewhere, and resist the urge. I tried for a about a year only working hard on the back line, but never got very far with the front line without these blocks.

k9 protection
the first one is an awesome no nonsense P block. k9 protection. I use this to block straight P websites. You install it, and it gives you some options of what you want to block. of course, you tick the P box! Now, there is an option to stop the block at anytime, all you need to do is sign in with your password and stop the block. or you can ask them to send you an email saying you've 'forgotten' your password in case you ever try to 'lose' it. I created a nonsense email with a nonsense password. signed up for k9, used a nonsense password i'd never remember (by hitting the keys randomly on a word document), then cutting it and pasting it in the relevant places, then deleting it when I was done with it. You don't have to do the random password trick straight away, you can test how things go to make sure it's functioning well, because once the block is on and you don't have the password, there's no going back! I've been doing this for years, first thing I do when I get a new lap top - it takes care of 99% of P websites, and P'graphic and dodgy pop ups get blocked too - so it's also very healthy for your computer! it doesn't harm your computer in anyway, and it's never blocked anything it isn't supposed too in all my years of using it.

years ago I found K9 and it helped with my sobriety. for a while. thing was, I had the front line covered, but not the back line, so the urges came on so strong, that I started searching and searching until I found the 1% internet loophole and I could get round k9. phew!

so now I use www.freedom.to as well. say I want to block youtube when i'm home alone because it contains triggers, but i'm happy to have youtube on when i'm not home alone. it costs me a couple of bucks a month, but I can schedule when the block is on (only for certain websites, as I need the internet to do my work). so I wake up in the morning, and that's when I have no will power, but the freedom blocks for certain websites are on.
this is where it gets interesting.
So unlike K9 (which takes care of nearly all other internet P), with www.freedom.to I'm in control. I can't log in and stop the block while it's on, but nothing's stopping me cancelling the scheduling so that I can watch P tomorrow. That's why it's so perfect for someone who wants to stop P addiction.
we want to stop our P addiction, for our future, for the days and the years ahead, so we don't have to deal with all the darkness that comes along with it and so we can build a rewarding happy life. but when the urges hit, I would say, screw it, i'll have to work on sobriety in the future. the part of us that wants the P wants it now! but if you say, you can't have it now, but you can have it tomorrow, you don't want it tomorrow, because that's the future you, and you don't like the idea of a future you still addicted to P. The urges are all about now.

I've used it for about a year, I get frustrated in the moment when I can't watch P, but it passes. And whenever I have the opportunity to close the blocks down for tomorrow, I don't take it, because I never have an urge to watch P 24-hours from now.

when the back line and the front line are going well, you get distance from your P addiction, and then you start taking an interest in other things, and you can focus on your less dark interests like good music, getting outside, being with people, and you replace the nasty habits with good, fun, rewarding habits (very important). the urges hit, but there's nothing you can do about it in the moment, and it passes, and it gets easier.

Part 6

A little extra note on writing out and repeating daily Affirmations. I mentioned in the last posts I wrote some notes on EVERNOTE, on my phone, that I read every morning, and evening before bed. Some are me-affirming and life-affirming, ?you feel healthy, strong, and you?ll do some good work today, you?ll be positive, patient, persistent with whatever you have to do, you?re good at working through obstacles?? and so on.

And some remind me not to relapse. ?Don?t give in to urges, be free of P today, because you?ve had years of darkness and depression in the past, and you know what?s down that path. Stay on the path of light.?

I wanted to say a little extra word on affirmations because I chatted with someone on this forum, who said they are in recovery, and a big part of that is not feeling like a failure and achieving something and succeeding at something.

But

The affirmations aren?t to remind you that you have to get out there and work and deal with obstacles, they are to tell you that you?re great without having to do anything. (once you feel good about yourself, that?s when you?re in shape to get out there and do some positive work, and come up with some activities that will take place of P, which has been serving a purpose in your life ? perhaps to feel good, perhaps to deal with social anxiety worries, morning headaches?)

It?s a bit cheesy, I know. ?I am great. I am great! I am so great! No, really, I am great!!? But it works. Say it every morning until you believe it. After a month or so, it rewires the brain until you're beliefs subconsciously change. If you don?t feel seedy and like a piece of sht, you?re less likely to indulge. If you indulge and then feel seedy and like a piece of sht, that?s especially the time to read your affirmations. Guilt and shame won?t help you on the road to sobriety, it seems like they should, but ? believe me ? positivity is the way. Get out of the shame cycle and you?ll get out of the P cycle!


The other part of the affirmations is: reasons not to indulge in P. This was the argument I have with myself: ?Think of consequences of watching P, but it?s great, but I?ll feel like sht, but think of that awesome thing you can see, and that thing? ?and then I?d indulge and I?d feel like sht. The shift is subtle, cos I?ve spent eons writing out the negatives of the addiction hoping it would help me and I?d remember them for the next time I had an urge: ?Don?t do it! You?ll feel awful afterwards! You?ll ruin your whole day and won?t build any positive foundations you can continue with tomorrow? When the urge came though, the short term satisfaction was all I cared about.

After indulging just once, I can be sitting down, feeling so numb, empty and spaced out, I can hardly form a coherent thought, I don?t want to do a thing, and if I have social plans, I?ll probably cancel them, and any other activity in the world seems unsatisfying and pointless. This is the most powerful weapon for me, I don?t know why I suffered it for years before I used it as my best armor against addiction. Perhaps it?s not as bad as for some of you, or maybe it?s ED that?s your reason for being on this forum. But anyway, the reason you?re here, that?s your best weapon.

How is this a powerful weapon? ?because it?s a reply to the urges. The thought of me sitting down hardly able to do anything, cos I?ve short circuited some reward and motivation cell in my brain. P would be fine if it wasn?t for that (I know that statement is false, but for me it?s become such a simplistic argument ? if P was great, and I felt great after, and it didn?t affect me and my life, I probably wouldn?t be on this forum. In fact, it was incorporated in my life for a long time, and I didn?t realise I could live life in such a state of less depression, and having more time and energy. But there came a point when the pain and the darkness outweighed the enjoyment so much I ended up looking at forums like this).

Anyway, bit of a tangent there. Thing is, I realised, once I understood what was happening and read an affirmation saying: ''If you indulge, you'll be sitting on a sofa hours from now feeling comatose and depressed,' then the following argument took place whenever I had an urge.

How about that for a hot image in your memory, remember? P is awesome!

Sure it is, but I?ll be sitting down in an hour staring into space feeling like sht

Why all this going against the urge? It?s raining, working sucks, the people in your life have let you down, and you were disrespected by someone earlier today, why not check out from reality and indulge. Those chemicals will feel good!

Sure they will, for a short amount of time, then I?ll be sitting down in an hour staring into space feeling like sht. I won?t feel any better than I do now. The only difference will be that every other activity will feel so much less rewarding, and everything around me will feel so much more sht, and I?ll probably go into the addiction cycle until the end of the day, and then I?ll feel 100 times worse.

But P is awesome, think of all those images in your head. Awesome!

Sure it is! but I?ll be sitting down in an hour staring into space feeling like sht. It can be as awesome as it wants. Thing is, it isn?t awesome, because the consequence is me? sitting down in an hour staring into space feeling like sht





There was once a time that the thought of acting out was like a ray of sunlight, a chemical rush and chance to get away from grey raining reality. Now with this argument/affirmation firmly in my mind (perhaps because I remind myself of it every day in my affirmations) it has a more dark, gloomy, addiction feel about it. You could live your life and get on with real life things, or do that dark, seedy, unrewarding, exploitative, unawesome thing that?ll make you feel worse.


Also, a little add on. Despite all this, I nearly acted out the other morning. I made an excuse I used to make so often in the past: it?s morning, I feel like crap, I?ll just start up my system by acting out and getting some adrenaline going. After acting out, I?ll feel good, and I?ll get on with all the other things I want to do, and I?ll carry on on the road to sobriety, because acting out outside of this one relapse is probably bad for me. I?d forgotten that I had set up a block on my device, and I wasn?t even really disappointed, more like, ah, the block, oh well, better splash water on my face and wake up the normal way. After I?d woken up and felt better, I had to laugh. Really? after the 100s of times I?ve had that thought, and it always resulted in a whole day of relapsing, that probably led to days and weeks and months of relapsing, I suddenly thought it would be different this morning?? Just a few minutes, then I?ll feel great, leave it alone and get on with other things?? Really? Just thought it was amazing how ready I was to go down the road of relapse. And I didn?t even really want to; as I said, when I remembered the internet block, I wasn?t even really disappointed.

So? affirmations for long term, positive life change. Blocks for keeping yourself on the right road and in the good life!

Hi Rainman

Thank you very much for sharing your story and the tips. It was a very interesting read. I also tried affirmations, but i think i just stopped too early,
because i just couldnt believe that "i am worthy etc..". Im gonna give it another try. So thanks for that. Im also gonna check out the book you mentioned.

Wish you all the best

superpipe

Hi rainman seen that you've been doing well im a new member but not so new to the porn. Ive been
Addicted to porn since i was 12 im 46 now and it's breaking up my marriage to a beautiful, kind person and i need to get it under control any advice or help would be much appreciated.

nice post

Thanks SP, Bear and Mero

Concerning the affirmations, I should say, some are recorded. So I listen to 3mins of affirmations in my head phones on the way to work. No effort, and it doesn?t matter if I don?t believe them or feel like it. I listened to them every morning on my way to a new job all this year. Was great, cos I was nervous a lot of the time, and all this ?believe in yourself? stuff in my ear was a great way to start each challenging day.

Just can?t recommend the (free) Litster audio course enough. Link here www.curethecraving.com/the-solution (he tells you how to write your own positive affirmations on the course)

Recovery consists of three things. The back line, the front line, and not giving up.

Back line: a bigger thing you might have to change about your life (eg new fulfilling hobbies, being a creator, healthier lifestyle which might mean gym membership or playing in a sports team instead of watching TV boxsets)? Focus on the mind, body, spirit, stress management, relationships.

The front line: despite having all this positivity in your life, the urges will still hit. And it?s good to have an internet block (eg Freedom, which you can turn on for an hour, then you have no option to act out for an hour, and delayed gratification can be very effective in surfing the urge).

Another example about dealing with the front line. Yesterday I had cravings. My wife was home so I had to deal with them, then focus on being normal and acting like a human being (pretty difficult when images starting racing through my head and I could feel my heart rate getting excited). I used a tool I learned on the Tony Litster audio, which he talks about on week 10 of his course (don?t worry if that seems like a long time away, cos the addiction isn?t going anywhere ? and he teaches something interesting every week) EFT tapping ? and here is a youtube video if you want to give that a try for urges. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qwFE70bO5k ? ?Using EFT for a P Craving?. Simple and effective.

After 5 mins of EFT, I stopped feeling like a randy dog, and my rational mind was back, and I have all these other things on my mind that I want to do and achieve, so a few minutes of the tapping and I came back to myself. I?m a man who?s got all this other, important stuff going on that I want to work on, not someone who can?t concentrate on anything because my urges are too strong. So because the back line was strong, it didn't take a huge amount of will power to come to my senses again.

The 3rd thing is: don?t give up. ?The definition of success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.? You?ll hear this a lot on this forum, because it's the truest truth. You can't fail if you don't give up. So you've already succeeded! Just know you're saving yourself a lot of pain by not beating yourself up too hard. I decided I wanted to give up P. that?s the first step. I kept relapsing (that's the second step, and the third...), because we?ve had this addiction for years. It?s a simple part of the equation. Sometimes I felt hopeless, ?I relapsed again, I can never change.? But I felt so bad, what choice did I have? The brain fog was so bad, all I could do was recommit to sobriety. Write in a daily-journal, today I recommit to being free of PMO. If you?re not hard on yourself, and you recommit to sobriety every time, you're pulling yourself out of the P cycle and the relapses become less and less. It?s still a struggle, because you forget how powerful the urges can be. So every day I write down my commitment, do my morning ritual, and keep exercising my front and back line.

One more method that I found very effective:

people who grit their teeth in determination to try to give up an addiction fail a lot of the time, whether it be P or smoking...

This relaxation method is the complete opposite and is much more successful.

When you're in bed, or if you just fancy escaping reality and doing a little visualisation in your head: Relax and imagine yourself in a place you love to be (maybe a lovely beach, the waves lapping, and the sun beating down). And you are free of P. It is something in past. enjoy the fantasy that you have become that person, how good it feels that you've beaten the cravings, that you are a person who's no longer effected by them. imagine thinking back to where you are now, and the steps you made to becoming that happy dude on the beach. deciding you didn't want P in your life anymore, getting on the reboot forum, doing more healthy habits. just rest and imagine yourself all smug on that beach for as long as you like, whenever you like...

Good luck guys, this is another step along the way to being the person you want to be, the most awesome journey there is.