I think I?ve ruined my entire life. Please help

pleasehelp452

New Member
I don?t know how I got here but I think I?ve fucked up my entire life. I?m 24 and I started masturbating in high school, used porn, and then alternated between porn and attractive Instagram pictures of people I know. It ended up progressing to masturbating daily starting when I was 21 after quitting on a couple different occasions, and it didn?t even feel like an urge by the time I quit a few weeks ago. It was more just a habit. This was all to deal with depression and somehow became normalized in my brain. I didn?t really have sex regularly until dating my current girlfriend, and we?ve been going out for 4 months. In my mind I always liked the sex with her, but didn?t feel the buzz other people describe. Reading this now I realize I?m a monster based on all of this. I would have to imagine having sex with other people to finish sometimes. I stopped masturbating a few weeks ago (end of Jan) and have flatlined, but I?m worried it?s not a flatline and I?ve just extinguished my sexuality and my libido for good, because it was definitely lower to begin with. Because I masturbated and fantasized to pictures of people I know I?m worried that in order to reset I need to completely pack up my life and move to a new place with no one I know, because otherwise isn?t seeing people I know count as a relapse if pictures and thoughts of them were my sexual content? I have an amazing girlfriend that I now understand I certainly don?t deserve and that I?ve completely betrayed, even though this was an issue long before then. I hate myself and am probably going to be borderline suicidal soon because of everyone I now realize I?ve hurt and disrespected. I don?t know where to even start and doubt I?ll ever be able to lead a normal life based on how I?ve fucked up my brain with all of this. I doubt I?ll ever get a boner again because of the memories of the people I have masturbated to being real people in my mind and forming all the connections in the sexual part of my brain. Please if anyone can help or has been through a similar situation and came out of flatline please help.
 

worth_it

Active Member
There is hope, friend. You have not destroyed your life, you're just feeling some negative effects. The negative effects suck, no doubt, but if you're committed, you can and will heal. The flatline will end, it just takes time. Look up recovery stories and you'll see plenty of flatlines that people made it out of.

Hang in there!
 
This year I am turning 35. I have been addicted to porn since I was 12 years old. That means my porn addiction is almost as old as you. I would KILL to have had the resources available to help porn addicts now when I was 24. I used to have the same thoughts that you did, that I had ruined my life, and wasted all the best years of my life (my teens and 20) on pornography. But I realise now that that isn't true ? my best years are still ahead of me, in all the porn-free years of my life that are still to come. The same is true, even more so, for you. Yes, you messed up. But, you have recognised now that you have a problem (which puts you in a better place than 99.9% of porn users today) and you're working to fix it. and you CAN fix it.

My advice is to take an hour out of your day to watch this video about the science of porn addictions, the problems that it causes (depression, low libido etc) and how they get better over time once porn is removed (ie. what you are describing is NOT permanent!), and also the science behind why it's so hard (not impossible) to quit. When I first watched this video, it blew my mind, made me realise just how much porn had screwed up my life, but also helped me to understand (scientifically) everything that was going on in my brain and gave me a path forward to victory over this addiction. Here is a different video specifically about porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) that you might also find helpful.

Seems like your life has more or less bottomed out right now, that means the only path forward is up. Keep pressing on, don't go back to porn for any reason and your life WILL get better, I promise you.
 
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escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Yo, man, I know how it feels, I know that I feels as if everything is completely ruined but it's not. You are only 24 and have all the time ahead. Being here is the first step towards freedom because everything starts with the first step. Get educated about porn. Read and watch everything you can. Avoid interacting with the "porn from your head" or flashbacks as people call them. Avoid watching any form of porn and any form of porn substitutes. Think about what something physical you could do to eliminate the accumulating urges that will eventually come. Exercise helps with eliminating those hard urges that make you feel like you are going to explode. Avoid ogling on the streets. And like this, you have a good start.
 
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