Two weeks in trying to reverse a lifetime habit.

harry_c2021

New Member
Yesterday marked 2 weeks of watching no porn.
I'm 31 and I haven't managed 2 weeks without porn since I was about 16.
My compulsive and addictive porn use meant I was wasting hours, sometimes everyday, wanking into oblivion, at the detriment of experiencing a real life.
It affected my social life, my relationship (we're still together), my interests and hobbies. It drained me of energy and I just ended up getting nothing done.
But I never realised I had a problem.
That was until it started escalating, into more and more risky porn as I became more desensitized to normal porn. Since about the age of 25 I was finding that sometimes (but not always), normal porn wouldn't do it for me like it used to. I occasionally escalated to extreme porn, and, rarely, to illegal porn. Not because I enjoyed it or associated an attraction with the people depicted, but because I had become so utterly desensitized to normal porn, the chemicals in my brain were telling me they were sometimes bored of the normal stuff.

I'm doing relatively ok in professional life. It's luck that I am. But I know I'd be doing a lot better if it wasn't for the porn addiction. I have a fiancee and a nice house together.
I don't experience ED, but I do suffer social anxiety, irritability, shame and procrastination issues. I don't socialize like I used to and I shun real life events for time alone bingeing on porn. It's like I just need a bit. The desire is stronger than the climax.

Anyway, recently my life crashed down in January when the police visited my house, to take my phone and to 'voluntarily" interview me about my illegal porn addiction.
This has the potential to end my relationship, lose my job and lose my house.
It's extremely important to note that I am only attracted to adult females. But unfortunately, the porn world saw me infrequently accessing extreme material (and even more infrequently accessing illegal material) to get my "high".

My point is, I'm 2 weeks in so far. My partner knows everything and is sticking by me so far, but who knows whether she could stick it if I ended up in a newspaper or something?
I've done 2 weeks with no porn and no masturbation but have allowed limited sexual contact with my partner (about once every 5 days). She wasn't the problem. My physical relationship with her is one of the things I'd like to fix, so I don't see the problem with it.
The problem was obsessively bingeing on porn for a couple hours a day and masturbating to it until I was empty and full of shame at the opportunities I'd squandered. It's this that I'd like to get over.

Results so far are obviously limited but I already feel more motivated and more alive, if only in a small way. I'm excited about the potential long term effects and the opportunities this may bring to potentially turn my life around.

I'm so glad I discovered these groups as I truly didn't realize I had a porn addiction. It was something that just crept up on me over the years.

Don't let it get as bad as it did for me. Take control before it's too late.
 
Well, it looks like your life can only go up from this point. I don't say that to be snide, it's a genuine compliment?porn has brought you to the lowest depths, once you get off it and stay off it you won't even know yourself 6 months from now. Good luck.

Btw, escalation to extreme or shocking material that you once found disgusting is a typical symptom of porn addiction (drug addicts need more, porn addicts need more extreme). Your desires will return to normal after a few months of abstinence from artificial sexual stimulation.
 

TrueBlue

Member
Hey Harry, thank you for sharing your story. At first, it made me cringe a little when you mentioned ilegal porn but at the end porn is porn no matter what. Somebody taking advantage over somebody else (economically, physically or emotionally). I have been through a recovery for about two years. For me, the time when I thought I had reached bottom line was when I was looking online for escorts and prostitutes while in vacations with my wife.

It is a good start Harry, what you did in the past is already in the past, but you can change your future today. Hope you keep your strike going.

Stay clean!
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
I do understand your addiction and I'm in the same boat in a lot of ways, but I'm in my fifties so I have more years on you. I have made sure not to ever venture into any illegal porn, but I have gotten into a lot of extreme porn, things I never thought I would watch and the stuff I used to be able to masturbate to just don't do anything for me anymore. I've tried to quit before. Even made it about 6 months but I always get drawn back in. I'm hoping to do better this time. I no longer enjoy it, I feel embarrassed by it and ashamed. I don't think there is anything wrong at all about masturbating, but the constant need for porn is just awful.

Good luck with your recovery. I hope your legal troubles don't make it harder. I guess keep coming here, keep posting and keep focusing. That's what my plan is.
 
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