Finally seeking help (imaquitter)

imaquitter

Active Member
Hi, I'm a man who have suffered from masturbating and porn for the last 26 years, starting at age 13. The beginning was MO to sattelite TV at vacation, and bikini pictures in magazines I found. Internet came at age 16. High speed internet around age 27.
It can go weeks between relapses and also just hours.

The addiction has almost broken my marriage, as I at a point surfed escort forums too and finally took the step to buy sex.
At last i told my wife and she got heartbroken, but chose to stay.

Then I had some months with no porn at all. We have a perfect relationship in all ways, but she is chronically ill and that sometimes frustrates me to the point that I..., yes you understand.

I'm using porn from one to five times per week, mostly one to two times. Sometimes it can go weeks without.
But now more than ever I'm ready for a change. Have read the book Your Brain on Porn some months ago, but I need a bit of support. I have also had a hard time quitting surfing escort forums. I'm not to into looking at other people having sex, but more images and videos of girls.

Heeelp me. Rebooting today!

And I forgot to say that I'll be completely honest with you. Just saying for my own sake ;)
 

Fappy

Respected Member
You've taken the first step to recovering ! Well done!
This is the cure my friend. If you want to get better you stick with this reboot thing. Trust me it works.
Why are your current symptoms?
What's been the longest time in days that you haven't PMOd?
What are your triggers?
These questions will help us give you some great advice on how to attack your reboot strategy!
All the best,
[deleted bad joke: tidy it up please, Fappy]
 

imaquitter

Active Member
What are your current symptoms?
No ED, not physical symptoms. Only fatigue if i have just PMOd and my wife wants.

What's been the longest time in days that you haven't PMOd?
I guess 5-6 months
I just had a couple of 7 weeks programs, but had a couple of relapses in those, so not a complete reboot. I'm starting now :)

What are your triggers?
  • When I feel ignored by my wife
  • Seeing skin, either at work or printed/electronic
  • Stress
I know that procrastination is the problem - only one time more. Typical addiction behaviour.
 

imaquitter

Active Member
And day one went really well, sitting alone with the computer writing this before going to bed. One trigger but I'm aware of it and know that I'm not falling for it now!

And reading alot of your stories encourages me to keep on. Good night, you can quit too :)
 

Andi

Member
Hey imaquitter,

fitst of all, you should be thankful for not having "real" performance problems. Trust me that sucks. And if you continue like this you eventually will develop ED or a dead libido.

Your problems seem to lay in the relationship. She does not want as you want? She can not as you want? You dont want anymore with her because you are not aroused by her?

Thats all bad stuff, but you can get this EASILY if you start focusing your sexual energy on her. If you love her, she deserves it. If not...maybe it is time to end the relationship (also for her sake).

I know what you are going through with this escort thing man. I was obsessed with that for years. And I can tell you this:

-You will NEVER be satisfied
-It is DANGEROUS. Sleeping with a person thats has slept with thousand of others is fucking dangerous and you dont wanna catch an STD and cry the rest of your life
-Its expensive. If I would have saved all the money I spent on that: I could take my girl on a trip over the world and make her really happy.
-Its abusive. Yes...even if forced prostitution is very rare in my opinion, it is abusive, because young women are forced not by evil man but by the financial situation in their countries
-because of all of this: it is also a danger for your mental health. It might only effect you subconsciously but it will effect you

and once more:

-You will NEVER be satisfied!

Stop that crap and take care of your women and if you dont wanna do that do her and yourself a favor and break up!
 

imaquitter

Active Member
Day two I was so busy I hardly had time to think about anything. No internet on my phone either.

And yes, my boldness when I'm with women has not been affected by PMO, sadly. So another trigger is flirting. I would never go all the way but it can trigger image searcing on the net to find someone who looks alike. Escorts is a closed chapter, many years ago. But part of my history...
 

imaquitter

Active Member
Checking in.
I look at butts. Why do girls use tights. Who said that's ok?
It's difficult to talk about. Everyone says I'm a loving and caring person, I'd like to start caring for my self, not hurting myself or the ones I love anymore.
Good night.
 

imaquitter

Active Member
So just a question.

IMHO everyone seems to look at porn. Is it so that everyone gets addicted like with drugs and nicotine or are some of us inclined to be addicts? Just curious.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Well smoke enough cigarettes and it's becomes a habit and you get addicted to it. Look at enough porn, and your brain will become wired to that release of dopamine you get from it.
 
H

HumbleRich

Guest
Hey IAm,

A lot of good questions there.  I too get tired of seeing  what women wear out and about.  And I am an atheist.  Stopped believing in God when I was like nine or ten.  Not rubbing that in or anything, I am just saying that I have  no religious agenda or anything.  My perspective is simply that sexuality should be something that is shared between two adults.  It isn't something you should show off.  To me that tells me that a woman is looking for attention from men.  That is not a good characteristic to have, in my opinion, for relationships. 

You also have to realize, though, that women are constantly receiving these messages from society to be sexy, to show off their bodies.  That is a big reason why I feel that feminism  is not a useful word to use anymore.  I do not e to or support many of the sexual messages feminksts support.  I mostly call myself a supporter of women, rather than a feminist or ally.  I have  really started babling now.

Just focus on your reboot, focus on improving yoirself.  You will start thinking about these things and they will annoy you.  Why do women feel they need to show off their bodies?  Why do they think it is acceptable?  You will start asking these questions.  To me, this is a sign that you are healing.

When you start thinking for yourself it gets uncomfortable.  When you turn your back on society and its messages and say, "no, I don't agree", that is you taking ownership of yourself and taking control of yoir life.

All great stuff.  Keep up the good work.

Rich 
 

imaquitter

Active Member
Thank you Reformed and Rich.
I really want to rewire. Will tell about all the triggers.

I have never been to deep as edging has not been a goal. Just a quick session and then feeling empty afterwards. Two times in one day at most. But as I mentioned earlier, it could go weeks without.

But I'm starting to see the consequences now. I know that I have not reached my full potential in life. I used to think that I was unaffected by PMO but I'm not. It's clearly visible when I try to quit. (And the fact that I bought sex)

Thanks for your support!
 

imaquitter

Active Member
Such a perfect day :)

Sunny, saw a few butts but did not care, no sad feelings, no urge to watch porn and I got a nice massage from my wife with no extras ;)
Will sleep well tonight.

I used to sneak away after she fell asleep. I want to stop that!
 

imaquitter

Active Member
And I will try hardmode, except when my wife wants.
No PMO, even M with fantasy. Only the real thing, only with my W :)
 

bob

Respected Member
imaquitter said:
And I will try hardmode, except when my wife wants.
No PMO, even M with fantasy. Only the real thing, only with my W :)

This is the tough road but well worth the effort. Need to find what  you can do to take your mind in another direction. But, I will not sugar coat it. It is really hard sometimes. Helps me if I realize it is my brain talking. Other times it is just hard to do. Even tried EFT (tapping) once. I felt like it really helped. Might be mumbo jumbo but it seemed to help me.

Here is a Wikipedia link though I found some of the youtube videos most helpful.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_Freedom_Techniques

Peace
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Sounds good, keep going and be on the lookout for triggers. Something else to keep in mind, the mind may also subconciously seek after triggers, I know, fucked up right? The brain is pretty sneaky when it comes to getting what it wants, even if its bad for us
 

Andi

Member
And I will try hardmode, except when my wife wants.
No PMO, even M with fantasy. Only the real thing, only with my W


Thats is a good idea. THats what I am doing. But I think you should not only wait for her. You should also force yourself to be active. Yes I know, "force" is not a good word. But in my case some slight force from her side helped me a lot. I had to learn that I am not like ""bam" I want sex now" anymore but need a bit of cuddling/kissing. And when you know that you dont HAVE to have sex, the pressure is going, it works out better.

I am relearning now, like a school boy, to have real sex. After being an egoistic fucked up creep for 25 years, I am learning to have pleasurable sex again and to take care of the needs of my gf. Not only, but also. Years back I was just all about my stuff.

So...I think only orgasm with the partner is great, because it is natural and it will help you definetly. But I think you have to relearn how to do it, talk a lot, take away the pressure on yourself. And if there is a fetish or something that you might think is inappropriate for your relationship and that might be a trigger....try to talk to her. Maybe she is open. (I am not referring specifically to you as I dont know enough about your case. Just want to say, that one has to take a lot of the sex that is in our heads over to the "real world").
 
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