Project King

Not really sure how to begin, but ill just start by telling my story. 

As of 2/1/21, I admitted to myself that I had PIED (Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction).

I guess the first time that I was exposed to pornography was around the age of 6 or 7 years old.  The screen was hypnotizing and I couldn't look away even though I had no idea what they were doing at the time.  It didn't do anything to me sexually but it was fascinating to watch and to see how two people interact with each other.  About 6 years later (age 12), I discovered masturbation.  One day I was alone at home and was looking for answers for homework on the internet, until a switch flipped and my focus for homework veered towards curiosity of googling definition of words, such as, dick, pussy, sex, cock, etc....the list goes on.  Surfing the internet led me to advertisements of the "Fleshlight" and that was when I had my first instructional video of masturbating.  So that night as I was in the shower, it happened.  I had my first orgasm.  Going forward, I would masturbate once a week to porn while I was home alone.  I would find every opportunity to stay home alone just to masturbate.  It went from once a week to twice a week and on and on, the amount of sessions increased.  Sometimes I would masturbate to porn and orgasm 5 times in one day.  I didn't think anything of it because it felt so good.  I didn't know it would lead me to a path of darkness.

At the age of 17 is when I lost my virginity.  The very first session for sex, I did not get Hard.  I was obviously nervous, for it being my first time.  We brushed it off and tried it the next weekend.  For this next session, I was Hard as a rock and it was amazing.  We would have sex about once a week but that didn't stop me from masturbating to porn the other 6 days.  I ended up getting into a relationship with my partner and the first 2 years everything was great, sex was good, but still masturbating to porn from time to time.  At about the 3rd year of our relationship, I noticed, I wouldn't get hard.  We brushed it off thinking it was stress with school and work.  But I was still masturbating about every other day, if not more.  We somehow ended up with an "Open relationship."  The excitement, of seeing others got me very turned on.  But when it was time to perform with another person, I could not get erect.  It was the same thing, over and over, with different partners for many years.  I would be able to perform with my partner in my current relationship, but not all the time.  But with other sexual partners, getting erect was not going to happen. 

I am now 25 and on 2/1/21, I just bought a new car.  I was excited to show it off.  I hit up one of my Fuck Buddy to show off the car.  I drive over there from the dealership, knowing I wouldn't be showing off just my car.  Keep in mind, I've had a few sexual encounters with this person and every single time, NO ERECTION.  I get there and we give each other long hugs, for I have not seen my fuck buddy in over a year.  We go for a drive, chit chat, and catch up.  We get back to the apartment and immediately started kissing and taking our clothes off.  Got in bed and.....well you guess it, Nothing happened.  I was frustrated and didn't know what was wrong with me.  I did some searching and came across the Reboot Nation on Youtube.  I took the test the Gabe suggested.  I would watch porn and had been able to get an erection immediately.  But then, when I tried masturbating without any visual stimulus, nothing happened, not even a semi-erection. 

This is when I started watching all the educational videos I could get my hands on and figure out what was wrong with me.  Today Is 2/4/21 and I am on day 3 of NOFAP. 



Journal Log 2/4/21
-I am on day 3 of Reboot.  Last night I had a dream that I was jerking off to porn.  It felt so real.  I didn't have a wet dream, but I woke up with a morning wood (The past week I didn't get any morning wood).  I got scared I was going to relapse and started to be more serious about my PIED.  I signed up for Reboot Nation to start a journal. 
-I deleted any temptations I would have on my phone (tumblr, twitter, cleared my porn history, etc...)
-I'm trying to figure out what I could possibly do for a hobby to distract me from my urges. 
-My partner does not know about my problem.  I plan on letting it all out tonight. 

 
Journal Log 2/5/21
- I told my partner last night and everything went well. 
- Sex happened but I didn't get hard or cum.
- Woke up feeling well rested. No Morning wood
- I did have thoughts of watching porn, but stopped myself to go write in my journal.
- I sleep nude, but tonight, I will wear underwear to sleep.  Hope this will help me from touching myself at night. 
 
Journal Log 2/7/21
-I missed yesterday's journal log due to a powerlifting competition that I was participating in and it took all day
-I dreamt of porn again the urges are getting stronger.
-I was able to fantasize about a real person and felt sensations going to my penis but still didn't get hard...a good start?
 
Journal Log 2/8/21
-I dreamt about porn again and the urges just keeps getting stronger...I am staying stronger.
-I have been having trouble sleeping and staying asleep
-I made it passed a week.
 
Journal Log 2/9/21
-no dream of porn
-had better sleep last night
-ive noticed that im a little bit more talkative than usual.
 
Journal Log 2/10/21
-i have thoughts of porn but will brush it off and distract myself YouTube videos
-im fantasizing of a real person and started to get semi hard
-my energy level feels low
-forcing myself to go to the gym. 
-definitely my hardest day yet... :'(
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Hey man, I want to congratulate you on figuring this out. I'm even more proud of you, you were able to tell your girl and come out with it. That's a great step. Just keep working on yourself in abstaining from porn. You are not alone. There are many people on this forum that have come back from having PIED to having great sex.

I'd be following you up from now. Keep pushing back
Chris
 
First off, thanks Chris for for the kind words. Means a lot to hear from others in the forum.  Just gotta take it one day at a time! 

Journal Log 2/11/21
-ive noticed im having better conversations with people when normally, I would quickly want to leave the conversation.
-I dont really feel all that motivated to do anything, but will at least try to be productive. Maybe this is a good time to pick up MEDITATION
-If anyone has tips on meditation, that'll be a great help.

-

 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
For me, meditation is all about connecting with God as my maker and laying my heart bare, since I'm a Christian. Reading, the Bible, praying and connecting with others Christians helps me feel hopeful and alive in some way.

I also use music to calm my mind. Soft music that speak about things I'm passionate about.

Lastly, I watch some really Motivational movies and videos to align my mind on positive things, this is one of the most powerful ones for me.

Other times, I get energized just staying in the shower, thinking about my day, my future while being naked as water trickles down on me. It usually ends up with me saying a little prayer.

Some people like to take a walk in a park or connect with nature. I think that's great too.

Some read books, I do so too. But it boils down to what kind of genre I'm reading.

Lastly some have reported doing breathing exercises, but I've not tried it much, so I can't say how helpful it is

So take your pick out of these and see what works for you

Wishing you good luck
Chris
 
Thanks for the advice Chris. I've been doing some research into meditation and am still trying to figure out what works best for me. Being that I like going to the gym a lot (4-5x a week) that is a form of meditation for me. But would like to learn to just relax and be conscious and in the moment. I heard this would help with sex and performance anxiety issues.

Journal Log 2/12/21
-my partner and I discussed more about the issue im going with and it helps to know I am being supported
-we started to have sex and I became hard but could not maintain it. Ill take this as a win.
-im not sure if/when ill get a flatline, but im not looking forward to it.
-constantly reminding myself to take it one day at a time.
 
Journal Log 2/13/21
-woke up to some spontaneous morning sex.  I was very hard and was easy to maintain. I prevented myself from Cumming
-things are looking positive almost 2 weeks in.
-im still thinking about porn and reaching for my phone to watching porn but always stopping myself.
-im trying to connect my sexual desires to a person instead of a screen
 
Journal Log 2/15/21
-I made it passed 2 weeks
-sexual energy feels high.
-woke up in the middle of the night and had sex.  This was the closest I've came to ejaculateing, but didn't.
-i want to make it to the 30 day mark before i orgasm
-i started meditating and I feel like my mind wonders too often, even to porn.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Congrats on two weeks. I see you're already seeing the benefits of abstainance.  And give meditation a chance, with time it will feel more natural I think. Meditation is about centering yourself. And there are many different ways people look at this.

I believe it comes down to reflecting on your values.
 
Thanks Chris. Almost at the first mile mark.

Journal Log 2/16/21
-not much sexual energy going on right now.  Probably due to working a lot the past 2 days.
-motivation for the gym is at an all time low too but I go anyways
-i definitely don't care about porn anymore, but it still pops in my head from time to time.
-Im curious as to if I will get erections with my fuck buddies.  I won't cross that line yet...
 
Journal Log 2/17/21
-I had a a sex dream and caught myself humping the bed when I woke up.
-Im having highs and lows of libido. 
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Sorry about this man. Sex dreams can be thorough.

Try to calm your mind and body before sleep by taking a cold shower just before you get into bed. Then use a soothing sound to end the night. I use an app, sleep sounds by leap fitness group. Lastly make sure you try to sleep on time.

Hope this helps
 
Nothing to be sorry for.  Kinda glad it happened. I'm letting my body figure itself out. Not trying to restrict my sensation. Only trying to reset my brain from porn. Dreams about sex, I'm ok with. But dreams about the use of porn is not. Haven't had a dream about porn since I logged about it in my journal.  I think some guys on here resist what their body is telling them and are not accepting of what they are feeling which is why some fail at rebooting. Its not all black and white, there are some wiggle room. I figured out what works best for me. 

Journal Log 2/18/21
-it gets easier to not think about porn as my journey continues.  Maybe because I've been working for over a week straight and haven't had the time to think about it. A blessing in disguise?
-im actually having more sex more often now but, I intend not to orgasm.
-erections are staying harder than ever.
-cant wait until the 30 day mark to release some tension.
-almost there, a day at a time.
 
Journal Log 2/19/21
-I was short tempered and frustrated for no reason when I got home from work. I realized this and stopped the irrationality.
-sleep hasn't improved, but I am waking up with morning wood from time to time.
-hoping my days off after this weekend will help improve my mood.
 

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
AXELLENT819 said:
-im actually having more sex more often now but, I intend not to orgasm.
-erections are staying harder than ever.
-cant wait until the 30 day mark to release some tension.
-almost there, a day at a time.

How do you not orgasm....that's seems a little hard to do, especially when you an in the moment. That's like for me, miserable sex. Like you've had a great run a but close to the finish line, you just turn and go back to the start. Show does that feel?, What's the logic? And more importantly, how do you do it?
 
Its different for everyone. I gave myself of a goal of not orgasming for 30 days. Its easier to commit 100% of your effort and will power to what you are doing than only committing 99%.  Trust me when I say it sucks not to cum.  When im having sex, I just want to feel good and enjoy the sensations, making it last as long as I can.  You can say, "im practicing sex".  Im trying to rewire my brain to prefer sex with an actual human than porn on a screen.  But for me personally, I've always find more pleasure when I focus on the other person instead of myself. Ive been in my relationship for almost 8 years and we both have no expectations of the other person Cumming. Makes for a good relationship. But when it does happen, its amazing. I'm just different that way...after the 30 day mark I will be able to orgasm but will never PMO ever again. I know I can get an erection with just me and my partner. The real test is when I have sex with someone else.
 
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