Hi, I'd appreciate it if you'd read my story and HELP ME with some QUESTIONS

NewMan10

Member
Hello everyone. I started with PMO at 10 years or so, I consumed hours and hours of pornography, so I masturbated many times in a single day, now I am 21 and I am trying to stop this addiction that is ruining my brain and my sex life with my partner (premature ejaculation, PIED, insecurity, frustration...).
I've tried to quit addiction many times and I've often relapse. Right now I am around on the day 30th, I have not seen porn or masturbated, but I think I fell because I have seen pictures of women in bikinis and other photos of them without clothes (Google pictures). Is this a relapse or not?

I see myself with my girlfriend every eight days or fifteen days, and when she tells me that she's going to have the house alone, I come in as an anxiety to have a lot of intimacy with her (because I have in my mind that the house will be alone), that is, days before I meet her I just think about having intimacy with her, on her genitals, she naked, having sex (one way or another fantasize about the days before with her , it gives me like an anxiety, and I have little erections because of this). How can I deal with this? Is this kind of fantasistizing a relapse? ?How to solve this?? Is it advisable or not to have intimacy with my girlfriend (touching, kissing, oral sex)?   And another thing, I'd talked to my girlfriend before about my addiction and that I'm trying to complete the 90 days in a difficult way, but I've always fallen into sexual contact with her. Then I don't know if it's convenient just to kiss her and already or do more than that?.

I feel like I have very sensitized pathways in my brain, for example, when I take a shower and wash my penis or shave it, I start to get a little erection. Is it normal to have this or is it because of my addiction?

Even sometimes fantasies arise from my mind related to my girlfriend's mother, and her big breasts operated, that is, imagining that her mother is also naked and that I am having sex with her. When I have these fantasies, I also have little erections. This leads me to think that porn has greatly affected my mind. Is this considered a relapse? How do I fix this? How do I get my mind not to generate those fantasies? ((This same question applies when I fantasize in my mind about my girlfriend))

I really just love my girlfriend, and I only think of her, I never want to be unfaithful to her.

I still have my doubts about the reboot and the difficult way, I would like to know how I should cope with my sex life with my partner so that I do not feed my addiction. if you can answer the questions above and the next questions I would be very grateful to be able to fight right with addiction and heal my brain and my sex life.

It should be clarified that when I have these fantasies, small erections or when I saw the images of women in bikinis and without clothes, I always put my feet and hands cold, is this anxiety?

I'm a virtual college student, so every day I have to be on the computer. I follow RebootNation on YouTube and have watched several videos.
I currently deleted my social networks and have the BlockerX extension for web browser, block several shit pages I visited from the Windows host. If anyone knows that more techniques can be implemented I would thank them.

I hope these questions help more people. I wish everyone can recover from this shit of evil!

Should I start over from day 1?
When do I know I'm satisfactorily recovering?
At what point do I realize I'm really advanced in recovery?

The post above is a little long but I appreciate your help.
 

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
Hi.

I'm going to make a suggestion: worry less about what constitutes a relapse, and on what behaviors are going to lead to a successful recovery.  Fantasizing about your girlfriend's mother isn't going to be a relapse according to most people, but it still isn't something you should be doing.  Really, any obsessive thinking about sex, even if it is real life sex stuff, is your porn brain having a tantrum.  Counters are helpful, but in reality aren't indicative of much.  Just keep getting back on the horse and trust the process.

Regarding the pictures you saw on Google, I'd call it a relapse based on one test: did you do it on purpose?  Someone shoving a nudie magazine in front of you on a bus isn't a relapse.  You looking up a porn site does.  In between is a bunch of other stuff.  If you were looking up something innocuous and stumbled on a bunch of pictures, you're good.  If you were looking up stuff trying to figure out how much you could see before it being considered a relapse, then I'd say you're responsible on that one.  Sometimes we have to ask ourselves that question a few times before the answer is clear.  Porn brains are tricky SOBs. 

Recovery is more gradual than people want it to be and there are only significant markers if you WANT there to be significant markers.  The good news is that you keep getting small successes and improvements along the way, so you always have some reward.  Think of it as someone working to get in shape and lose weight.  They might have a target weight or a favorite pair of jeans to fit into, but the weight loss is gradual, but there is never a single moment when their breathing gets better walking up a flight of stairs or anything.  You started young so you might be in for a longer recovery, but stick with it and trust the process and you'll get there.  Lots of your questions will be answered in time.  The spontaneous washing erections are likely because your fella is more attuned to responding to your hand than anything else, but maybe not. 

Regarding your girlfriend, it seems from my experience on these sites that rebooting is a bit easier with total abstinence because you aren't trying to separate out "real" stimulus from the "fake" stuff.  With total abstinence you can empty the bucket of the dirty water and fill it again with clean water after instead of trying to clean the water while in the bucket.  I see a lot of guys run into a lot of pitfalls with this (asking the GF to indulge in some of their fetish play or something), and being single makes it less complicated.  That said, I would never advise someone to sabotage an otherwise perfectly good relationship just to get an edge trying to quit porn.  Use your best judgment.  If you get the sense she isn't into the sex as much anyway (or some of the stuff you do), maybe taking a break could be a good idea.  Maybe she'd like "netflix & chill" to actually be about netflix some night.  You both win - you get a little bump in rewiring, she gets quality time that she wants.  I'm shooting in the dark though, so it could be good to talk to HER about it.  If you've already talked to her about quitting porn, then you've got a very good friend and ally there, so sharing those concerns could be very good.

Not sure on the cold hands thing.  It could be anxiety or some other edgy anticipatory emotion.  Some people just get cold hands and feet, too.
 

NewMan10

Member
DoneAtLast said:
Hi.

I'm going to make a suggestion: worry less about what constitutes a relapse, and on what behaviors are going to lead to a successful recovery.  Fantasizing about your girlfriend's mother isn't going to be a relapse according to most people, but it still isn't something you should be doing.  Really, any obsessive thinking about sex, even if it is real life sex stuff, is your porn brain having a tantrum.  Counters are helpful, but in reality aren't indicative of much.  Just keep getting back on the horse and trust the process.

Regarding the pictures you saw on Google, I'd call it a relapse based on one test: did you do it on purpose?  Someone shoving a nudie magazine in front of you on a bus isn't a relapse.  You looking up a porn site does.  In between is a bunch of other stuff.  If you were looking up something innocuous and stumbled on a bunch of pictures, you're good.  If you were looking up stuff trying to figure out how much you could see before it being considered a relapse, then I'd say you're responsible on that one.  Sometimes we have to ask ourselves that question a few times before the answer is clear.  Porn brains are tricky SOBs. 

Recovery is more gradual than people want it to be and there are only significant markers if you WANT there to be significant markers.  The good news is that you keep getting small successes and improvements along the way, so you always have some reward.  Think of it as someone working to get in shape and lose weight.  They might have a target weight or a favorite pair of jeans to fit into, but the weight loss is gradual, but there is never a single moment when their breathing gets better walking up a flight of stairs or anything.  You started young so you might be in for a longer recovery, but stick with it and trust the process and you'll get there.  Lots of your questions will be answered in time.  The spontaneous washing erections are likely because your fella is more attuned to responding to your hand than anything else, but maybe not. 

Regarding your girlfriend, it seems from my experience on these sites that rebooting is a bit easier with total abstinence because you aren't trying to separate out "real" stimulus from the "fake" stuff.  With total abstinence you can empty the bucket of the dirty water and fill it again with clean water after instead of trying to clean the water while in the bucket.  I see a lot of guys run into a lot of pitfalls with this (asking the GF to indulge in some of their fetish play or something), and being single makes it less complicated.  That said, I would never advise someone to sabotage an otherwise perfectly good relationship just to get an edge trying to quit porn.  Use your best judgment.  If you get the sense she isn't into the sex as much anyway (or some of the stuff you do), maybe taking a break could be a good idea.  Maybe she'd like "netflix & chill" to actually be about netflix some night.  You both win - you get a little bump in rewiring, she gets quality time that she wants.  I'm shooting in the dark though, so it could be good to talk to HER about it.  If you've already talked to her about quitting porn, then you've got a very good friend and ally there, so sharing those concerns could be very good.

Not sure on the cold hands thing.  It could be anxiety or some other edgy anticipatory emotion.  Some people just get cold hands and feet, too.

Thank you very much for those wise advice.
With regard to Google images, I initially didn't look for them on purpose, they just appeared on a page and that made me want to look for the girl but without clothes, at the moment I closed the browser and knew that what I did was wrong.

I understand what you're up to and I think it's very good, I just have one doubt left, Does applying total abstinence also mean no more kisses on the mouth?

Thank you for those words of motivation you gave me, I learn more and more what can be a trigger, we should never let our guard down and throw away all that porn shit that's hurting so many lives.
 

Gambitchco

Active Member
DoneAtLast said:
Hi.

I'm going to make a suggestion: worry less about what constitutes a relapse, and on what behaviors are going to lead to a successful recovery.  Fantasizing about your girlfriend's mother isn't going to be a relapse according to most people, but it still isn't something you should be doing.  Really, any obsessive thinking about sex, even if it is real life sex stuff, is your porn brain having a tantrum.  Counters are helpful, but in reality aren't indicative of much.  Just keep getting back on the horse and trust the process.

Regarding the pictures you saw on Google, I'd call it a relapse based on one test: did you do it on purpose?  Someone shoving a nudie magazine in front of you on a bus isn't a relapse.  You looking up a porn site does.  In between is a bunch of other stuff.  If you were looking up something innocuous and stumbled on a bunch of pictures, you're good.  If you were looking up stuff trying to figure out how much you could see before it being considered a relapse, then I'd say you're responsible on that one.  Sometimes we have to ask ourselves that question a few times before the answer is clear.  Porn brains are tricky SOBs. 

Recovery is more gradual than people want it to be and there are only significant markers if you WANT there to be significant markers.  The good news is that you keep getting small successes and improvements along the way, so you always have some reward.  Think of it as someone working to get in shape and lose weight.  They might have a target weight or a favorite pair of jeans to fit into, but the weight loss is gradual, but there is never a single moment when their breathing gets better walking up a flight of stairs or anything.  You started young so you might be in for a longer recovery, but stick with it and trust the process and you'll get there.  Lots of your questions will be answered in time.  The spontaneous washing erections are likely because your fella is more attuned to responding to your hand than anything else, but maybe not. 

Regarding your girlfriend, it seems from my experience on these sites that rebooting is a bit easier with total abstinence because you aren't trying to separate out "real" stimulus from the "fake" stuff.  With total abstinence you can empty the bucket of the dirty water and fill it again with clean water after instead of trying to clean the water while in the bucket.  I see a lot of guys run into a lot of pitfalls with this (asking the GF to indulge in some of their fetish play or something), and being single makes it less complicated.  That said, I would never advise someone to sabotage an otherwise perfectly good relationship just to get an edge trying to quit porn.  Use your best judgment.  If you get the sense she isn't into the sex as much anyway (or some of the stuff you do), maybe taking a break could be a good idea.  Maybe she'd like "netflix & chill" to actually be about netflix some night.  You both win - you get a little bump in rewiring, she gets quality time that she wants.  I'm shooting in the dark though, so it could be good to talk to HER about it.  If you've already talked to her about quitting porn, then you've got a very good friend and ally there, so sharing those concerns could be very good.

Not sure on the cold hands thing.  It could be anxiety or some other edgy anticipatory emotion.  Some people just get cold hands and feet, too.
This comment is very useful. Try to follow this. I wish you well, good luck!
 

doneatlast

Well-Known Member
Regarding the kissing, that isn't for me to answer.  That is for you and your girlfriend.  I'll say again that you shouldn't feel like you should have to sacrifice a perfectly good relationship in order to quit porn.  Sure, if you were FWB, hook up buddies or something then that should probably get tossed aside in the process as that could indicate the inklings of a sex addiction, but if it is a real relationship that should grow. 

I see two scenarios:

- One, your desire for physical affection greatly exceeds your girlfriend's, and she goes along with it because she likes you and wants to make you happy.  Women are more naturally inclined to be people-pleasers in scenarios like that.  Cutting back can be a good opportunity for rewiring, but also to readjust how you express yourself.  Ever hear of the "five love languages"?  Pop psych stuff that is kinda silly, but worth checking out.  It puts expression of love into five categories, physical touch being one of them.  Maybe the two of you can look that up together, maybe take some of the cheesy tests and talk about it.

- The second scenario is if physical touch IS your girlfriend's primary love language.  While men are typically more aggressive in physical affection, it doesn't mean that they necessarily rely on it more.  Plenty of women feel a strong need for it.  (A bit of a tangent, but I think this is why pets have become incredibly popular, especially among women, as isolation becomes more and more common.  Snuggling with a big dopey dog on the couch fills a need.)  In which case she might see you quitting porn as something that makes you weird, distant and cold because of all of the restrictions you're putting on yourself.  It can be a good exercise to think: if I touch her in a certain way, how can I please HER the most, and not just myself?  It is definitely going to be a much lower bar to make her happy than it would be to satisfy any porn fantasies, that's for sure.  Plus, if you dive in just to please yourself... well, that's kinda like masturbation, isn't it?
 

NewMan10

Member
DoneAtLast said:
Regarding the kissing, that isn't for me to answer.  That is for you and your girlfriend.  I'll say again that you shouldn't feel like you should have to sacrifice a perfectly good relationship in order to quit porn.  Sure, if you were FWB, hook up buddies or something then that should probably get tossed aside in the process as that could indicate the inklings of a sex addiction, but if it is a real relationship that should grow. 

I see two scenarios:

- One, your desire for physical affection greatly exceeds your girlfriend's, and she goes along with it because she likes you and wants to make you happy.  Women are more naturally inclined to be people-pleasers in scenarios like that.  Cutting back can be a good opportunity for rewiring, but also to readjust how you express yourself.  Ever hear of the "five love languages"?  Pop psych stuff that is kinda silly, but worth checking out.  It puts expression of love into five categories, physical touch being one of them.  Maybe the two of you can look that up together, maybe take some of the cheesy tests and talk about it.

- The second scenario is if physical touch IS your girlfriend's primary love language.  While men are typically more aggressive in physical affection, it doesn't mean that they necessarily rely on it more.  Plenty of women feel a strong need for it.  (A bit of a tangent, but I think this is why pets have become incredibly popular, especially among women, as isolation becomes more and more common.  Snuggling with a big dopey dog on the couch fills a need.)  In which case she might see you quitting porn as something that makes you weird, distant and cold because of all of the restrictions you're putting on yourself.  It can be a good exercise to think: if I touch her in a certain way, how can I please HER the most, and not just myself?  It is definitely going to be a much lower bar to make her happy than it would be to satisfy any porn fantasies, that's for sure.  Plus, if you dive in just to please yourself... well, that's kinda like masturbation, isn't it?

Thank you very much, I have things much clearer.
 

olafthewise

Active Member
Hello everyone. I started with PMO at 10 years or so, I consumed hours and hours of pornography, so I masturbated many times in a single day, now I am 21 and I am trying to stop this addiction that is ruining my brain and my sex life with my partner (premature ejaculation, PIED, insecurity, frustration...).
I've tried to quit addiction many times and I've often relapse. Right now I am around on the day 30th, I have not seen porn or masturbated, but I think I fell because I have seen pictures of women in bikinis and other photos of them without clothes (Google pictures). Is this a relapse or not?

I see myself with my girlfriend every eight days or fifteen days, and when she tells me that she's going to have the house alone, I come in as an anxiety to have a lot of intimacy with her (because I have in my mind that the house will be alone), that is, days before I meet her I just think about having intimacy with her, on her genitals, she naked, having sex (one way or another fantasize about the days before with her , it gives me like an anxiety, and I have little erections because of this). How can I deal with this? Is this kind of fantasistizing a relapse? ?How to solve this?? Is it advisable or not to have intimacy with my girlfriend (touching, kissing, oral sex)? And another thing, I'd talked to my girlfriend before about my addiction and that I'm trying to complete the 90 days in a difficult way, but I've always fallen into sexual contact with her. Then I don't know if it's convenient just to kiss her and already or do more than that?.

I feel like I have very sensitized pathways in my brain, for example, when I take a shower and wash my penis or shave it, I start to get a little erection. Is it normal to have this or is it because of my addiction?

Even sometimes fantasies arise from my mind related to my girlfriend's mother, and her big breasts operated, that is, imagining that her mother is also naked and that I am having sex with her. When I have these fantasies, I also have little erections. This leads me to think that porn has greatly affected my mind. Is this considered a relapse? How do I fix this? How do I get my mind not to generate those fantasies? ((This same question applies when I fantasize in my mind about my girlfriend))

I really just love my girlfriend, and I only think of her, I never want to be unfaithful to her.

I still have my doubts about the reboot and the difficult way, I would like to know how I should cope with my sex life with my partner so that I do not feed my addiction. if you can answer the questions above and the next questions I would be very grateful to be able to fight right with addiction and heal my brain and my sex life.

It should be clarified that when I have these fantasies, small erections or when I saw the images of women in bikinis and without clothes, I always put my feet and hands cold, is this anxiety?

I'm a virtual college student, so every day I have to be on the computer. I follow RebootNation on YouTube and have watched several videos.
I currently deleted my social networks and have the BlockerX extension for web browser, block several shit pages I visited from the Windows host. If anyone knows that more techniques can be implemented I would thank them.

I hope these questions help more people. I wish everyone can recover from this shit of evil!

Should I start over from day 1?
When do I know I'm satisfactorily recovering?
At what point do I realize I'm really advanced in recovery?


The post above is a little long but I appreciate your help.
 

olafthewise

Active Member
First of all, if you are young, your sexuality will be huge. Its perfectly normal to jack that thing, however...
the girlfriend needs to work with you AND...you need to do other things with her in public like, visiting a museum, go to a car show, go out to eat in either a fast food place or a formal restaurant, or go with her to her parents place, your parents place or friends places or functions. Take her to the hardware store to get small things. Just do non-sexual stuff. request certain not-so-sexy clothing for her in an attempt to see her in her cuteness that is non sexual. You will feel a sexual feeling with her regardless of your attempts to just do normal around-town stuff. Perfectly normal.
Example: how do people spend time at a nude beach knowing the men will get an erection? A: they get comfy being nude. The erections simply become less frequent and you just concentrate on your tanning.
Take her out to do errands with the goal of just enjoying each other. I guarantee that if you marry her, this constant sexual desire for her will decrease with age and/or children.
Also, playing with your dick in frequent circumstances is one that will fix itself. Too much rubbing will injure your parts. keep this in mind.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Olaf the wise, youre back! Good to see you again buddy. Hope youre doing well.
As for the OPs concerns, what constitutes a relapse is intent. If you intended to look at those images to jerk off too, that is a relapse. If you stumbled upon them in your wandering around the internet and didnt act on it, then its not a relapse as there was no intent.
The random erections is also something that you cant really control, you mentioned when you were in the shower? I dont see a real big problem with that.
It’s normal to fantasize about being with your partner, the anticipation can be overwhelming, but dont obsess over it. Those urges can leak over into an urgent to PMO.
 
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