Cut Out P - Time To Cut Out MO and P fantasy

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Hey guys, really haven't been on here as much for awhile. I have made progress in some ways, but the consistency and sticking with it is what I want. I had a few months where I was mostly good other then a bit of P fantasy and did some dating and had some successful intimacy ( though with room for improvement.

It's been a long time since I looked at P while mo'ing ( though I would "cheat" quite a bit, looking at P and mo'ing after), but gratefully I believe I am done with P, fully at this point. I basically said to myself, no more of that, 2020 will be the last year I look at P and I am really not finding it all that hard.

HOWEVER, for me MO - does not have a place in my life. Simply because I did it for years compulsively in a very harmful to my life way. Each time I have MO'd even while trying to be "present" or to "healthy" ( not thinking of p induced fetishes and other nonsense) very quickly ( days) my habits would go way out of wack, I'd be fantasizing about nonsense and I absolutely see the negative effect in my life. I get irritable, less energy, DO NOT GET ERECTIONS WITH WOMEN, mood drop. All kinds of bad stuff.


One issue is, as I have made progress in these addiction issues, it becomes easier to rationalize that it is okay. When I MO to P fantasy
, sometimes I don't start to have big issues for a few days. I can even sometimes get ( crappy) morning wood, the next day. My erections when MO'ing are not terrible, like they were when I did a lot of porn, in short it is progress and it is easy to rationalize as being okay, but it's NOT.

For the simple reason - 1) Being able to get a 70% erection may seem okay compared to trying to mo with a semi flacid penis - but in the real world , of me wanting intimacy with women it is SHIT - it's very likely to go soft inside  a woman within a minute, would make penetration difficult, doesn't exactly lead to confidence in my sexuality.
2) The mood problems are real - the P fantasies I think of BOTHER ME. It throws my brain off - it makes me impulsive, like I behave oddly with women *secretly hoping and obsessing, that a woman will be into these bizarre p induced fetishes. I have had times of being rewired, it's a lot more rewarding to actually enjoy a connection with a woman.
2B) It also becomes more difficult to focus, be motivated and all that good stuff.
3) Cruising for a bruising - addiction can't really be half gone. Fantasizing about P, mo'ing etc is simply playing with fire.


Anyways, been awhile since I journaled here and I believe, my perhaps best time in beating this stuff have been when I was journaling, so here is my journal with the explicit goal of eliminating MO and P fantasy.


I am 28 going on 29 - I noticed I have nearly aged out of the 20s section lol. So man it's about time to get this together!

Last night I MO'd to intense p fetish fantasy, woke up feeling like absolute shit. I believe I MO'd to fetish fantasy like 3 of the last 4 days, most of the multiple times. Drank a bit of caffeine ( which I'd aimed to cut out) but I do feel a bit more focused).


I generally didn't like setting day goals, BUT I could use a change as during 2021 though I've cut out of P - my mo habits to fantasy has been quite off - so sure let's set a goal.


GOAL 1 : 3 DAYS NO P no P fet fantasy.
    ( Support goal - do not fantasize about sex at all while in bed for these three days )
Today is Day 1
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Having some slight/ moderate urges.

So, I had a date last week. The woman is a cool person - but I am not all that interested in having healthy sex with her, but some aspects of her I find very triggering. I notice there seems to be a difference between women who I find a healthy sexual attraction to and women who I ONLY insert into p fetish fantasy.

Simply all those lapses MO'ing in the last days I was fantasizing about that woman.... even though I have met other women. I don't want to be triggering so won't go in to details but a few things this woman said, and a few things about her demeanor make me think she may be interested in some of the P induced fetishes, and I don't find her too appealing as  a healthy sex partner ( I am not actually attracted t o her physically)

She seems like a smart/ cool person - but I think that is kind of rationalizing, spending time with her isn't healthy for my recovery so I won't ask her out on another date... 

I feel guilt, but that is not really helpful or rational. I tend to be OVER nice with women and then OVER ANGRY. I.E I feel guilty to not contact a woman for a second date ( or honestly even block her) but then I get super angry when women flake on me. Better to be more rational - I don't know her that well, we went on one date and women who flake on me don't know me that well.... it's okay to simply do what is best for your life. Going to block this woman now, delete her number texts etc. simply for my recovery and to aide me in ACHIEVING my 3 day goal.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Had a mild urge this morning.

Very glad I blocked that triggering woman.... I had the urge and thought "hey I blocked that woman, so I know this is important to me". There is something interesting about psychology.... taking an action increases the commitment in the mind.


My days have been really structed for the past week or so , yesterday I did not totally follow my schedule and also had some caffeine ( the crashes are bad, and overall it's no good for me). Anyway, I had planned to try and meet girls, do some studying, do some stretching in the evening, but instead, ended up just hanging out with people.

I want to be annoyed at myself, I wrote down commitments to do these things every day. But I think this is a good opportunity to not be ALL OR NOTHING. I took one day off, genuinely had an extremely fun time. I don't have tons of fun times in groups of people and it is very healthy for me. Perhaps I can let myself be happy about the fun I had? AND make the adjustment.....

The adjustment is not to never have fun or not socialize it is simply to continue to be disciplined and plan..... I could have gotten that stuff done early in the day but didn't "feel" like it.

Discipline is what I have been working on, so instead of not getting a few things done one day and being like " to hell with it" , it's likely better to keep my commitments today as best as I can ( I woke up a little late) focus on what I want in the future ( some of what I do is not enjoyable, but pays off in the long term) and move on, and actually be greatful that I had such a fun time and look forward to the next time
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Having some urges and lower motivation. Frustrated.

I gotta remind myself of the long game. Not feeling good today, but if I keep plugging awah I'll get what I want.

What do I want?

Lots of confidence, a great dating life with women I like my own business. Fulfilment
 

Dantes

Active Member
Hi dude, I think you are in a good place to find success. Meaning that you seem to have learned lots of things about yourself and your mind. The trick now is simply to outsmart yourself. As your goal is so short, more short-term tricks like distracting yourself will go a long way. Sometimes, if you feel like MOing, just try to add something between this moment and MO. Maybe clean this room and then fap. Maybe go for a simple walk and then see if you still want to fap. The reasoning behind this is that moving and doing activates your brain in different ways than resting. Sometimes if you just walking your brains seem to operate on different level and some of your problems start sloving themselves. And if you haven't already, try meditation. Nowadays it should be clear that it's not a tool for spiritual purposes, but to learn your mind. And when you learn more about but your mind, you learn to control it. For me, at least, the problem with PMO is my mind arriving into the conclusion that right now it is okay to fap. When I can recognize this thought pattern forming, I can stop it by distracting my mind elsewhere. And recognizing thought patterns is what meditation is the best tool for.

Those were some suggestions, but obviously you have to find your own way to do this. Best of luck to your no-MO journey.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Thanks man much appreciated. Definitely good tips to use in the future.


So I ended up lapsing fairly bad. I was feeling some shame that I have been dealing with this issue for so long, some lack of confidence etc. It is what it is.

 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Quick little update : I set a goal for myself to achieve yesterday and stayed up late to achieve it. Wow that felt really good. I had thoughts like "oh I need to go to bed" but I didn't it was still before my bed time. I can handle working on a very important rewarding project at night during my free quiet time - it's one of the better more rewarding ways to spend my time.

On that note - I found the largest threat to my abstinence is laying in bed while not tired, especially while not doing anything.

The solution is simple : Read in the living room until 1:00 am for a week or so, ( or perhaps this is far too short a time?) then in the future only go in bed when tired. THEN - once in bed, do as I did last night. Read some more until I start dropping the book - it's a lovely way to end the day. I have a nice fiction book now and find fiction is hugely important - a way to replace the losing myself feeling that the awful mo and p fantasy gave me - now in a healthy form. I even have audio books, I can play the last few minutes as I fall asleep to keep my mind occupied.

And of course, no matter the time I will refrain from getting in bed with even slight urges or sexual thoughts - handling them first then going to bed.


The key mental shift for all this stuff is - Accepting I can stay up late, get up early and be just fine. Me, my father and my mother all don't need that much sleep. But I get brainwashed into thinking I need more. It's genetic. Most of the time my body wants 6 hours or so of sleep maybe a tad more. I haven't an issue with insomnia in the slightest, but genetically I am a 6, max 7 hour per a night sleeper. If I am not having an urge, I can fall asleep in minutes - so it's just a matter of ENJOYING the quiet night time reading in the living room until I am actually ready to sleep 
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Doing pretty well.

Key for me is simply read in the living room until I am very tired and now I realize even more important - once in bed read until I actually start drifting off, dropping the book once or twice mid reading lol. Then turn the lamp off and go right to sleep.

I didn't stay up quite as late last night as I was exhausted ( was aiming to stay up late to force myself to be tired). Though I am very glad I did, who would of thought sleeping less would be so helpful in fighting this?

Woke up tired, but now reading an awesome book and really enjoying it, I may just read for a few hours this am. Great for the mind and emotions
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Gearing up for tonight - I get the feeling I'll go to sleep quite late.
( To wait out urges, be sure I fall right asleep)

This is just fine, I have been sleeping quite a lot the last few days, a bit too much if anything. It was also rainy and I was tired and listless like all day, didn't expend much energy ( though I did get done my workout and cardio as well - so giving myself props for that)

So, I'll just enjoy this time, hanging out in my living room. Maybe I'll watch a full on movie. I see kong vs godzilla is available on hbo max - seems like not something I'd be into lol - but what the hell I may give it a try. Overall, I am just going to enjoy the night and indulge myself in healthy ways, with books, movies/tv shows, perhaps thinking or planning some goals if the mood strikes me.

 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Well I followed the plan. I ended up watching 3 hours of a very long movie! Then a tiny bit of cartoons in bed and, then fell asleep. I believe a couple of sexual thoughts here and there were popping up - then I redirected my attention to thinking about how good my workout was and imagining my muscles growing - I enjoyed that thought and must of been asleep in a minute or two.

I woke up with my alarm, felt very tired - set a timer for 15 minutes. Then just woke up maybe an hour and 40 minutes later.... that through me off a bit and I found it a little triggering. Something about sleeping in throws me off a bit sometimes and this was the first time I slept in in weeks (  I slept through the timer I guess). But now that I am up writing, I want to give myself some perspective.....

I was zero'ing in on sleeping in, worrying I'd throw off my whole day but.... what is more important is I got the huge win yesterday by beating the urges - now that I am up I actually feel a decent amount of energy AND I absolutely can make today a productive, progressing and enjoyable day. It'll likely just be a simple matter of juggling around my morning routines a bit.

In order to sleep, I took some melatonin - which is a nice tool imo. It was quite powerful ( I may take less in the future) and next time also, I'd probably take it a bit sooner, say mid movie. If urges are still there and not tired after, no problem - keep waching the movie, if not it'd just help me sleep faster.....

^^^However, I immediately see a problem with this .... as what allowed me to be successful last night was just recognizing the feeling of urges of the sort that I knew take a long time to pass and are very dangerous to take to bed..... and simply accepting and deciding that I was going to stay up late. Wherea's planning to sleep earlier I can already see that creeping feeling of I MUST get to sleep earlier, which leads to danger ( laying in bed with an urge )

Anyway, food for thought - I'll err on the side of safety and perhaps the even more important part is to read/watch something in bed until I start dropping it so I konk out nearly immedieatly - another wrinkle I can keep in mind, that worked last night, is to have ideas of pleasant things I can enjoyably think about as I drift off.

Well, I feel good now - one day at a time vigiliant and detail oriented
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Day went well. I was tired but pushed through had a great workout and went for a nice walk and feel good now.

A very attractive girl I met a few days ago texted me back - I notice a feeling like I want to fantasize about her - so keeping an eye on that. Better to enjoy my evening, enjoy my life and work on myself. I tend to build girls up too much too fast. And the fantasy is dangerous
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
So last night and this morning I was fantasizing, it was pretty vanilla non porn fantasy - but I did a good bit of it and it was a real time waster. I also slept in.

Things overall are going quite well I think part of what triggered the fantasy was feeling good and the fact that I met some attractive women recently.... my focus was moving a bit too much toward women.

I have a sort of internship opportunity that could move into a good job - it's in a field women find cool and I was kind of focusing on how great that is - but I think more important and better will be to throw myself into, and ENJOY the work. Really work hard and improve, get better at this.

It's something I am good at, so why not put in the effort?

I really enjoy tools from SMART recovery, I have their work book. So since things have been going well but now I hit a slight snag, what will work is adding in a few new things to what I am doing.

So today I'll work on that work book a bit and do some of the exercises ( there are written exercises for motivation, ideas for handling urges etc. good stuff). So that way I'll be adding something more to what I am doing, building on what is working.

Additionally when tempted to fantasize I'll distract myself, as I don't want it getting out of hand - I did waste a decent bit of time this morning doing so.

I want to balance my view - I think that was an error ( the fantasizing to excess) but overall I am on the right path and I have total control of adjusting my actions and recovery program to be a bit more solid.

I've not been doing what I know works! ( complacency)
- Stay out of bed until half asleep ( late at night)
- Get out of bed in the morning right away.

Time to get my schedule back on track. Thinking in the coming days a focus on discipline could be very helpful
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
I had a nice victory... I sometimes get this odd irritated feeling, where I feel like I want to isolate myself. It often is connected to eventual lapses of porn or fantasy.

I felt this coming on, I just felt irritated one friend was texting me and I was annoyed and I saw another had called me and felt like "eww I don't want to talk now, It's the last thing I want" ( while feeling a impulse to go lie in bed - a danger zone for sure).

Anyways - I was aware of this and instead forced myself to call my friend - we had a decent chat and that irritable isolate self feeling has passed
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Yesterday was good - I displayed a lot of discipline and toughness.

Having a bit of trouble getting going today ( or I feel that way) . I have some vague ideas of what I want to get done though. So I'd like to organize my day.


1) It's Saturday, I haven't much to do. I feel ready for some dates and I'd like some women in my life. So I'd like to go out and work on talking to girls and in the process meet some!

2) I want to do some journaling.

3) Perhaps clean my closet

4) Shop

As of now I am really tired. Maybe I can take a simple short nap or meditate or something similiar to charge up. Get groceries, eat, go chat with girls come back rest more then go out and enjoy the day/ chat with more girls haha
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Hey guys it's been a minute. At some point I had lapsed with MO - but lately I have been doing well lately.

I do MUCH better not counting anything but it's cool that 2021 is my first year totally P free I believe

A big key for me is positive thinking - consciously controlling my thoughts and having a winning mentality.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Doing real well. Got second vaccine dose today but no side effects which is great.

Basically a week and a half ago I analyzed my life - looked at times when things went the best and found that when I am thinking positively is when things tend to go the best. SO been just putting positive thoughts into my mind conciously and it is great, and if an urge pops up it's soo freaking mild and I immediately drown it out with repeated positive thoughts " I am re wiring - soon I will be dating girls - things are going to go well" etc - feels great and works.

Had a (crappy) date today but it was a great experience for when I have a date with a girl I like - built my confidence as the girl was quite into me and I was smooth
 
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