First of all I want to apologize if I get some words wrong because I'm not a native speaker of English.
A while ago I was doing good on my reboot, I tried to quit porn for the last two years but was never really able to do it my longest streak was about 30 days or so. Then at the beginning of this year I met a woman that I really liked and knowing that I really don't want to objectify her I abstained from having sex on our first two dates but on the third date we tried it, but I couldn't get hard, I witnessed PIED for the first time in life and obviously I felt very bad after that but she tried to comfort me by telling that this happens to a lot of guys but in reality I already knew that porn caused this, the lockdown made it really hard for me to abstain from porn use and I did it as much as 2 -3x per day and the lack of contact to real-life women complete fucked up. Before I met her I already developed anxiety and HOCD through my porn and marihuana use.
From that point on I knew that I had to quit porn for good but in retrospect I think I failed to really internalize this thought because I reached the 30 day mark (that I hadn't reached for a long time) but as soon as she went back to her hometown to visit her family and I experienced a little bit of stress I saw a swimsuit add which then led to further escalation and I relapsed.. After that I was depressed but willing to try again because at least my anxiety attacks from the HOCD weren't that bad anymore and I experienced the life more vividly, so I wrote in my journal and got back on the track. And yet, here I am, relapsing from my second streak which only was about 13 days.
I think I was losing my focus and because I'm too involved in my addiction I failed to recognize that I really experienced growth in the time abstaining from porn. I know that I got to get back on the track but first I gotta restore my hope and allow myself to trust the process.
Just as a sidenote I experienced cravings which were much more intense whenever I smoked marihuana so I think I'm gonna have to quit that too to ensure my abstinence, because smoking weed is really not worth the depression you experience after a relapse.
Really hope that you guys (and I myself) can learn something from my relapse.
A while ago I was doing good on my reboot, I tried to quit porn for the last two years but was never really able to do it my longest streak was about 30 days or so. Then at the beginning of this year I met a woman that I really liked and knowing that I really don't want to objectify her I abstained from having sex on our first two dates but on the third date we tried it, but I couldn't get hard, I witnessed PIED for the first time in life and obviously I felt very bad after that but she tried to comfort me by telling that this happens to a lot of guys but in reality I already knew that porn caused this, the lockdown made it really hard for me to abstain from porn use and I did it as much as 2 -3x per day and the lack of contact to real-life women complete fucked up. Before I met her I already developed anxiety and HOCD through my porn and marihuana use.
From that point on I knew that I had to quit porn for good but in retrospect I think I failed to really internalize this thought because I reached the 30 day mark (that I hadn't reached for a long time) but as soon as she went back to her hometown to visit her family and I experienced a little bit of stress I saw a swimsuit add which then led to further escalation and I relapsed.. After that I was depressed but willing to try again because at least my anxiety attacks from the HOCD weren't that bad anymore and I experienced the life more vividly, so I wrote in my journal and got back on the track. And yet, here I am, relapsing from my second streak which only was about 13 days.
I think I was losing my focus and because I'm too involved in my addiction I failed to recognize that I really experienced growth in the time abstaining from porn. I know that I got to get back on the track but first I gotta restore my hope and allow myself to trust the process.
Just as a sidenote I experienced cravings which were much more intense whenever I smoked marihuana so I think I'm gonna have to quit that too to ensure my abstinence, because smoking weed is really not worth the depression you experience after a relapse.
Really hope that you guys (and I myself) can learn something from my relapse.