Please,please help..about to give up on this

I have been PMO free for 44 days and 10 days on my no MO.  I am so irritable and short with people it is driving me crazy.I look at women and have no feeling towards them,and am now visualizing sexual things with men to get me aroused.Is this me coming out of the closet,or my mind torturing me.I have OCD,had it my whole life ( if that has any merit). My conversations are quick and to be honest short tempered and cavalier. My mind is so blank and turned off by porn and it is killing me that I have thought of several hundreds of women when I masturbated,never looked or lusted after male school mates in high school,and now I look at women with a blank slate.What is going on with me??? Please help

I dunno buddy.... but I think you need to give this more time before jumping to any conclusions. I mean you are married to a woman, I assume you used to enjoy an intimate relationship as you have kids? You watched hetero porn?

The constant viewing of men and women in coitus and other activities can really mess up a man's wiring. As we watch couples,... er coupling of course we are watching male genitalia and such even if we are hetero... so a guy can get confused... I guess?

I like women, always have and do even more now. But, I remember thinking that watching guys and gals was pretty confusing at times!

Patience Grappler this is a big brain change!

fcjl8..Ive watched so much hetero porn in my life,I couldn't even count how many scenes I have seen.You sound a little skeptical..lol. I saw some images of a guy who was a straight porn star,who I never knew did gay porn too,and the images are just sticking in my mind.I almost scared to say they are there so much that I am worried that I am finding them appealing.I don't know what to do.I remember being so torked up when I was in my teens and 20's when I saw retro named women..couldn't control myself.Then the availability of the internet porn has now got me looking at men that way.It has caused my such grief in my mind that I have to work so hard at my day job to get these thought sunder control.It is almost feels like I am doing this for nothing.My therapist said that men who have HOCD drive themselves so nutts with this that they end up getting in to relationships with other men..is this even possible?? I have 4 kids and sex has always been struggle for me with my wife ( I hadn't been in a intimate relationship for almost 13 years before I met her) and basically all I had was MO and PMO.MY mind is really f'ing with me.If you asked me 25 years ago if I prefered women over men I would have looked at you like you had three heads

Grappler, this is me speculating, but if you check out the information on YBOP, it looks like too much of one thing makes the brain look for something new to get the dopamine rush.  I think that if you give your brain time to reboot it will settle back to where your real desires are, and not just look for the next thing that will increase your dopamine release.

Don't panic.

The reboot works for porn induced HOCD as well. But a reboot isn't over in one or two months. This is not just about abstaining from porn, but also living life without porn and stabilizing the positive effects.

Your brain has been sensitized to porn and in your case homosexual thoughts. That is what fires the synapses right now and they have to cool down - and that takes times, since the sensitization is very strong.

The important thing is to stay away from porn as much as you can, cold turkey is the best actually.

Don't worry about not feeling aroused by women - porn has suppressed lots of guys natural libido (it's de-sensitization, the other wonderful thing porn gives you). That ALSO takes quite some time to come back after you stopped porn.

My advise for you would be: make your timeframe longer. Expect good and stable progress in maybe half a year or even one year, meaning, give it as much time as it needs. The first months are a rollercoaster ride.