Starting Reboot.

Vardan

Active Member
Hi everyone,

I start this journal mainly because I realize that I can t deal with this alone.
I am 30, single, and addicted to the porn already for more than half of my life.
it IS an addiction and this is the hardest part for me to accept,but the symtoms are exactly the same as with any other type of addiction
the problem with PMO is that it is easy to hide, unlike the other typesof addictions,such as drugs or alcohol
it kind of destroys you from inside

for a long time I thought that I will quit when I want,(another typical addicted response) but this is not true,
I simply cant just quit it and it is important to accept.
Another thing, I  am a christian, so I thought  that this is a spiritual question and  "should be solved" between me and God, but now I dont think it is a solely spiritual question.

so I will keep diary here,will start reboot and will share what is going on
 

PE30

Well-Known Member
Well done!

Proverb 27:17 says "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another". We weren't meant to live our Christian lives alone, and the enemy would rather your PMO addiction stayed in the darkness. By opening up to this forum, you've taken an amazing first step. Well done!

Do you have anyone in real life you feel you can share this with? Believe me, you're not alone in this.
 

Vardan

Active Member
hey thanks a lot for encouragement,

at the moment I don t feel ready to speak about this in real life,
I feel more secure here,

though I do think its important!
 

Virus01

Active Member
Brave of you to start your reboot, looking forward to being your AP along the way. Day by day progress, and I hope your journal helps you learn to witness your emotions yet them them flow through you instead of control you. I didn't realize the level of addiction I was under either, but no better time than now to take back your life.
 

Vardan

Active Member
hey man,
great, than lets get on the road!
:)
I am quite positiv at the moment, hope it stays along the way...
today I had a busy day with applying for jobs, getting some phone calls, now I will be visiting a concert.!
 

Vardan

Active Member
ok, so far I am in the second day.
iI feel alright, thought about PMO only twice yesterday,
both times after I was either frustraited or bored...

today seems normal, just routine things to do.
a bit sad with some family issues.

in the evening will be out with friends-dont  want to stay at home alone.

 

Virus01

Active Member
Glad to hear the day looks promising. When you know there are some empty spaces in your schedule, try to fill them with meaningful tasks. Could be reading more forum things, working out, playing music, etc. Point is to keep yourself busy with positive things early on. Through time you'll need to learn how to not act when you are alone, and it can help by starting positive routines now. I've added YBOP Research to my list of things, to replace my old habits. Hope this helps, one more day down!
 

Vardan

Active Member
day 3,

went shopping, did some work at home,
good advice virus01 to get busy with positiv staff
will be playing some music, in the evening will go out again with friends,  might go to gym as well.
don t want to stay at home.

I need to start my daily meditations/prayers
will be do that as well - right now.

generally feeling a bit down and confused, in the mornings it is kind of difficult.
 

Virus01

Active Member
I think the "down feeling" you're experiencing is the lack of dopamine you were used to getting from P. I've felt the same, but I'm realizing I can overcome it without P. Remember, your brain has been wired with over 20 years ofP, it will take time to reboot it. Your life is full of things that can bring the same and even more joy.
 

Vardan

Active Member
I watched the presentation on the channel yourbrainonporn
that was how they explained it as well - dopamine deficiency.

yesterday was pretty much the same feeling during the whole day
today in the morning I felt much better in terms of mood - but I don t get too excited about it
just do my staff for today...thats it.

I got a message automaticaly sent (by the admins of the site I guess,)
it was though really helpful I read it through twice.
so day 4 is on.
 

Virus01

Active Member
Funny, I think we were typing our posts at the same time, hahaha! That video was eye-opening for me too. Dopamine addiction and reward circuitry. It will take time for us to rewire those parts of us, but I honestly think we will emerge as even better versions of ourselves.

Do you have any existing hobbies that can get more attention? For me, I have art and photography. I've been a comic book fan since I was a kid, and I go through waves of inspiration to use my camera. I don't think getting into photography will make me want to turn to P again, but we'll see.

I received the same intro message, gonna read through it now.
 

Vardan

Active Member
:D thats funny indeed.

I play music instruments, love to do fitness and I swimm,

Well maybe you start to take photos of nature? that sound pretty safe environment for not turning t P.
I saw lately the whole photo exhibition about different types of frogs - was very funny
 

Loving_Mary

Active Member
today I went in a second hand store and I saw a really cheap camara.

Photography is something I used to do, but left it many years ago.

Plus now is much cheaper than before, because you don't have to develop them :)))

Defenitely will do it again!

Thanks for the idea
 

Vardan

Active Member
ok, 5th day is on.
did what I suppose to - without special excitement
apathy feeling.

yesterday heard an interview on youtube of a guy who overcame PMO addiction
will be reading some more materials later today.

try to stay positive and be busy with good staff,



 

Virus01

Active Member
Be wary of the passive feelings. I'm getting them too, I think it's the first signs of withdrawals. At points you at feel trying to stay positive can get exhausting. That's where you should try to find peace instead. I'm working on it too!
 

Vardan

Active Member
ok, have a  headache today during the whole day
seems like its a withdrawal symptom

emotionally neither feels better nor worse.
had some P urges today, but not for a long time.
now trying to plan my evening
mornings are still the most challenging time of the day.

one thing I have noticed: though emotionally I don t feel good plus have  a headache today, but somehow it feels alright.
mainly because I was informed about the withdrawal symptoms and was prepared.
 

Virus01

Active Member
My morning time were the worst too. Don't be afraid of them, you're stronger than that. Right now is when I read/post here, so fill negative time frames with positive habits! You've got this
 

Vardan

Active Member
So the day was quite good and relaxed
Had not many urges today
Was busy with work and work related staff
Headache is gone, felt a bit sick in the morning but that's gone as well.

Overall feeling a bit strange like something lacks but not even sure what exactly
I do desperately need relationship which looks quite complicated at the.moment
Once I will write in more details about that part of my life too

And Virous01 thanks so much for your encouragements I appreciate that a lot!!
Ok now will meet friends and have some fun 8)

 

Virus01

Active Member
The "lacking" feeling is probably a dopamine shortage. I have it too. But I'm staying focused on the goal and reminding myself I'm going to emerge a better man because of these trials. Stay true!
 
Top