Hi guys
I'm back after a bit of hiatus. My old diary has disappeared which is super annoying because it had a lot of good information on it and I'm currently relapsing hard. But I've decided to start writing a diary here again because I think it was quite helpful to my previous stint of 3 months clean. So I will aim to post here once a day like I did before.
Hopefully it does not disappear again...
Anyway in terms of relapsing I'm struggling. I relapsed last night for 5 hours and just edged and edged until I PMO. Not great. Feeling okay today surprisingly but that is the antidepressants doing their job! Very frustrated at this situation overall. Feel locked into a cycle that I can't get out. That last three months it felt like I had finally come up for air, and now I'm deep in the water drowning again.
I'm trying to hold onto hope. I never really understood why in Hollywood movies they say the word 'hope' so much. And "you can always rely on hope", "never give up hope". I didn't really get it. I think I do now. It basically means, in my interpretation anyway, that you don't know what the future holds. Things could happen in the future that allow you to overcome this problem. You have to hang in there to see if that's the case.
I'm back after a bit of hiatus. My old diary has disappeared which is super annoying because it had a lot of good information on it and I'm currently relapsing hard. But I've decided to start writing a diary here again because I think it was quite helpful to my previous stint of 3 months clean. So I will aim to post here once a day like I did before.
Hopefully it does not disappear again...
Anyway in terms of relapsing I'm struggling. I relapsed last night for 5 hours and just edged and edged until I PMO. Not great. Feeling okay today surprisingly but that is the antidepressants doing their job! Very frustrated at this situation overall. Feel locked into a cycle that I can't get out. That last three months it felt like I had finally come up for air, and now I'm deep in the water drowning again.
I'm trying to hold onto hope. I never really understood why in Hollywood movies they say the word 'hope' so much. And "you can always rely on hope", "never give up hope". I didn't really get it. I think I do now. It basically means, in my interpretation anyway, that you don't know what the future holds. Things could happen in the future that allow you to overcome this problem. You have to hang in there to see if that's the case.