Survivor here.
Thanks to everyone re: your input to my question. I especially want to say thank you to the ladies.
My sex life is not something I have ever discussed before with a woman other than my partner. To begin, I have never had a relationship with a woman that was that intimate, and safe, without it also being sexual. Furthermore, I know that I have a very powerful fear of being judged and labelled as being some sort of pervert if I should ever share my thoughts and feelings regarding my porn issues. However, as a result of your sharing I was presented with the issue from a woman's perspective, which was very illuminating. My wife has said many of the things you ladies said to me. I believe though, due to the personal nature of our relationship, although I mentally agree with what she says, I am too close to the situation. I view it from a subjective (emotional - how is this affecting ME) perspective as opposed to an objective (let's think about this rationally) perspective. That being said, reading your non-subjective comments resonated with me differently than when I hear them from her. Rather than it being HER AGAINST ME so to speak your commentary validated her point of view. In other words, it's not just an issue between her and I, it becomes more of an issue of my attitudes versus how women in general feel about porn.
I must admit to being rather humbled by your comments. But I have always seen humble as a good thing. Humble takes me off my imperious high horse and allows me to relate to the rest of the human race and see things through other people's eyes. I don't feel humiliated. Only I allow myself to see it as humiliation if I choose to take that path.
There is a part of me that wants what I want and does not want to give that up. However, there is another part of me, my conscience, that knows the truth. You ladies got to my conscience and I am grateful for that. Thank you. The challenge for me is to follow my conscience and not let the narcissistic part of myself win out. That has always been the challenge.
I know I want to be a better man, a more evolved human being. I don't like it when my grandchildren look at me with adoring eyes, thinking of me as a paragon of wisdom, when in reality I know that I would not want them doing what I do on the internet, nor would I want them to disrespect women, as my behavior does.
Somebody commented that porn depicting women gagging or being hit is not something that healthy people do to their partners. I agree. The idea disgusts me. Seeing it in a porn clip disgusts me. So... if I know scenes like that will probably come up why do I watch? When I do so I go against my own values. I think that is one of the things that troubles me the most about this stuff. I know I am violating my own values.
Anyway, thanks again to everyone.
Hope you all have a great day.
Cheers!
Thanks to everyone re: your input to my question. I especially want to say thank you to the ladies.
My sex life is not something I have ever discussed before with a woman other than my partner. To begin, I have never had a relationship with a woman that was that intimate, and safe, without it also being sexual. Furthermore, I know that I have a very powerful fear of being judged and labelled as being some sort of pervert if I should ever share my thoughts and feelings regarding my porn issues. However, as a result of your sharing I was presented with the issue from a woman's perspective, which was very illuminating. My wife has said many of the things you ladies said to me. I believe though, due to the personal nature of our relationship, although I mentally agree with what she says, I am too close to the situation. I view it from a subjective (emotional - how is this affecting ME) perspective as opposed to an objective (let's think about this rationally) perspective. That being said, reading your non-subjective comments resonated with me differently than when I hear them from her. Rather than it being HER AGAINST ME so to speak your commentary validated her point of view. In other words, it's not just an issue between her and I, it becomes more of an issue of my attitudes versus how women in general feel about porn.
I must admit to being rather humbled by your comments. But I have always seen humble as a good thing. Humble takes me off my imperious high horse and allows me to relate to the rest of the human race and see things through other people's eyes. I don't feel humiliated. Only I allow myself to see it as humiliation if I choose to take that path.
There is a part of me that wants what I want and does not want to give that up. However, there is another part of me, my conscience, that knows the truth. You ladies got to my conscience and I am grateful for that. Thank you. The challenge for me is to follow my conscience and not let the narcissistic part of myself win out. That has always been the challenge.
I know I want to be a better man, a more evolved human being. I don't like it when my grandchildren look at me with adoring eyes, thinking of me as a paragon of wisdom, when in reality I know that I would not want them doing what I do on the internet, nor would I want them to disrespect women, as my behavior does.
Somebody commented that porn depicting women gagging or being hit is not something that healthy people do to their partners. I agree. The idea disgusts me. Seeing it in a porn clip disgusts me. So... if I know scenes like that will probably come up why do I watch? When I do so I go against my own values. I think that is one of the things that troubles me the most about this stuff. I know I am violating my own values.
Anyway, thanks again to everyone.
Hope you all have a great day.
Cheers!