Journals > Ages 20-29

Let It Go

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Keyblade Keeper:
Yes, I went there (Frozen reference). I don't care, I connected with the movie.

I'm gonna direct you guys to my YourBrainRebalanced original post because typing everything up will give me the cramps. So here.

So...where am I currently?

I'm using a spreadsheet to track my progress, which you can see here.

I'm currently on a streak of 81 days of no P, but with regular MO. I've been trying to gradually cut back the MO, but I'm fed up with it and decided to go cold turkey again. This is my third reboot attempt.

I am questioning my sexuality, but I may or may not have HOCD. If I end up in a bad place, please tell me to snap out of it.

So...yeah. Hope you guys will read about my journey. ;D

VforVictory:
I'm also quitting just P like you are, except I'm way behind you.
I MO about every other day and I'm beginning to suspect that I'm addicted to masturbation as well,
so right now I'm doing this thing where I lay it off for 5 days as an experiment.

Looking at your spreadsheet (nice spreadsheet btw), I never thought quitting M would be that difficult
even though you are 80+ days into no P.

When you MO, how far do you fantasize?
I read that if you fantasize about what you see in porn,
than it's going to drastically slow down your progress.

Keyblade Keeper:
Yeah, the no MO is even more difficult, imo, than quitting P. It took a lot less energy to tell myself I can "still get off" without looking at videos, but my mood hasn't really stabilized. I  basically started this because I knew I had to focus on other things and I really didn't want hardcore withdrawal symptoms this semester, but now I'm trying to add in the no MO though. The reason why I didn't stop the MO at first was because in the past, I thought of it as all-or-none. If I MO'd, even without P, I would consider it a failure and then the P would shortly follow. But now I've differentiated the two in my mind, finally, and can say that even if I MO by mistake, I won't rush off to PMO.

Fantasizing...well I try not to. Occasionally a thought creeps into my head when I'm trying to get off quickly or my mental strength is down. I never close my eyes though because I don't want a strong picture of the fantasy in my mind. Usually it's like a ten second piece and then I would shake myself out of it.

Marnia from reuniting.com suggested that I lay off the masturbating for a few months to "restart" my sexuality and allow me to figure out what exactly my orientation is. Then, I think I'll try to MO no more than once every 15 days to keep myself from experiencing the negative emotions felt from satiating myself to masturbation...

shake19:
Keyblade Keeper, you broke free with P for > 80 days so you can do with M. You should definitely stop M because it is ruining your true sexuality - no mammal masturbate so shouldn't we. Stop M for all and not let yourself to do it every 15 days - as you said: all-or-none. You can do it! It will dispell all doubts. I wish you all the best.

Keyblade Keeper:
shake19 - Thanks for the motivational support! I agree with you, and I think I need to stop worrying about the future and take it one day at a time. It's the only way I'll surpass how I did in the past, and abstinence is the only way I'll get my sexual urges back.

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