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Topics - Rex

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Ages 40 and up / Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
« on: December 06, 2018, 01:44:42 PM »
It's been a very long time, over 4 years since I have last posted on this board. I have so many things I would like to say but I just can't get the millions of thoughts that are emanating from my mind, onto this board, but I will try my best. Here's my old journal (for a reference):

Let me start with the victory, today I am 75 days free from PMO (Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm), the longest streak since the mid-1990s (which was before I had found Internet porn). My previous longest streak was in January 2017 when I went 28 days free from PMO. I have no desire to go back to PMO, the urges are still there from time-to-time but they have weakened over time and I see them for what they are. My withdrawl symptoms (which I will list below) have been so bad I have no desire to ever revert back to my previous PMO addiction.

The last time I attempted to PMO, I had a massive panic attack and my heart rate went to 192 bpm and I stopped in the middle of the act and feverish prayed for deliverance. For me that was the last straw and an answer to my prayers. It was a massive wake-up call and an answer to my many prayers to be free from the PMO addiction. After quitting PMO the panic attacks intensified, the anxiety was so bad I couldn't work somedays (I work from home) or even lay down on my bed. I had a lot of sleepless nights. I was barely surviving. Some nights I would get hypnic jerks where my legs would kick while asleep or trying to sleep along with bad body jerks, I even woke up one night and I jumped out of bed and had a panic attack and felt like I had a stroke. After suffering for 4 weeks from crippling anxiety, dizziness, brain fog, absolutely no energy, very tight muscles, and terrible panic attacks, I started to feel a little bit better, I have gradually improved but I still suffer. My anxiety has improved but there are still some days that I battle with it. I have been to a few doctors and still haven't exactly figured out what's causing the problem. I believe that the cause of my problem is the three decades of excessive masturbation and porn addiction which have destroyed my brain. My adrenaline glands too easily cause adrenaline rush, just a little stress or just doing a little yard work causes them to start pumping out a lot of adrenaline leading to anxiety and other side effects. I am not taking any medication for the anxiety and won't because this medication in my opinion messes with dopamine levels which PMO messed up. I have read others battle with this, eventually the dopamine normalizes by itself (as part of the reboot process) the longer one stays away from PMO.

I could go on, but the main thing is three decades of PMO addiction have severely messed up my brain and body. The good news is that slowly and gradually I am feeling better. I have not had a full blown panic attack with a racing heart rate for 4 weeks. I still suffer from anxiety but it's not as intense and my energy which was around 10-20% at its worst is now back to about 50-60%. I have a ways to go and have learned to leave my healing to God and Jesus. Some days I prayed so hard when the suffering was so bad I would cry out to God and Jesus to heal me, I felt those prayers being answered and I would feel some relief.

My addiction has also caused untold amount of suffering and stress on my family.  I told them of my addiction a couple of years ago and they have been supportive and have driven me to doctors appointments and been there for me through this terrible period of my life as I recover.

I wish I could go back to the mid-1990s when I looked at my first Internet porn picture, I would have never done it. PMO destroyed my life and gradually dropped me into the abyss. I started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks in 2011.  I would lay off from porn for a few days and the anxiety and panic would go away. Then when I returned to PMO after a few days free, then anxiety  would come back, after playing this game for 7 years I hit the brick wall at 100 mph. As bad as it has been with suffering I never imagined, it was what I needed, the wake-up call that PMO was going to eventually destroy me for good not just my body but my immortal soul.

The good news is thanks to God, I am seeing victory in my life everyday.  No matter how bad things have been for me the last 75 days, I have been PMO free.  My body and brain are slowly healing, and with God's healing I will be back to 100%. 

I want to take this time to thank God for deliverance from the the wretched PMO addiction and for my continued healing every day from the effects of this terrible addiction.

May God Bless You,


Ages 40 and up / Rex's Journal
« on: March 07, 2014, 11:50:37 PM »

I am a 30 year porn addict, who was hopelessly addicted to porn especially in the last 15 years.  I discovered YBOP and watched Gabe's video, seeing and hearing Gabe's story gave me the first hope I had in a long time that I could break free.  I had just finished a PMO binge and was in total despair.  After watching Gabe's video for the first time on February 17, 2014, I went over to the YBR site and setup a journal and poured my heart and soul into this endeavor of getting myself clean once and for all from PMO, MO, and M.  I made a concerted effort to stay away from the triggers and stimuli that led to my falling into a PMO.  And I made a concerted effort to fight the temptations and urges every time they hit. 

It was through the grace of God and all the great forum board members at YBR that I finally felt for the first time I wasn't alone in this battle.  I had the support, advice, and friendship of other PMO addicts who were on the same journey as me, no longer was I battling this fight alone.  Well, my story of despair has turned to one of victory. This once daily PMO addict has been clean for 18 days since seeing Gabe's video and joining YBR.  This has been the longest period I have been free from PMO since 1999.  You can read more details on my story and my struggles and victories of the last 18 days free from PMO at YBR:

It has been a tough journey however the chains of this addiction have broken, and I am seeing the benefits every day I continue on this journey and each progressive day my life feels more complete.  I'd be a fool to think it will be smooth sailing from now, because there will still be temptations and urges but I am much better equipped to fight them now.  And the once almost unstoppable allure of these urges and temptations has turned into only just a nuisance.  I look forward to sharing on this board, my insights and struggles in this journey to free myself from PMO forever.

And if a hopeless PMO addict like myself can break free so can you, please don't give up hope and never give up this fight.  You can do it, you can beat this addiction.


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