Hey guys I'm 21 and today I hit 10 days of NoFap(nothing spectacular but it's a start).Have been PMOing since age 11.Last year during quarantine it certainly became an addiction for me.I mean it was approximately 2-3 times a day binging and edging to porn.Sadly i didn't change much after the quarantine and continued to PMO without ever thinking it might cause any sexual problem.Then 4 months ago I hooked up with such a hot beautiful girl I was in love since high school.I enjoyed every second I spent with her,however in my pants was complete graveyard,0% erection and nothing except me touching it could change the situation down there.I thought it was weird but what the hell it will come up surely when i need it.Finally New Year's Eve we are home alone hopping into bed and 30-45 mins of foreplay and guess what ?My dick was still dead like nothing had happened in last 45 mins.My biggest fear happened and I wanted to kill myself right there.After I finally got it up a little bit I couldn't penetrate.Made up some stupid ass excuse like condom is tightening me too much and I'm drunk... So that day I searched everything possible and finally found yourbrainonporn and Gabe and this site and it cleared my mind I knew what was the cause of ED-those fucking porns.Although as I said only 10 days in but I noticed significant changes-like my ED is fading away,I mean whenever I hangout with my gf and we start kissing and touching eachother it turns me on and I always get a boner,yet only 10 days ago I couldn't get the slightest bit of erection(without touching myself)even though she was there naked in my bed.However,I don't think my erection is 100% maybe around 70% and I feel kinda stressed to call her over again bcs I'm scared that I will fail again.Still haven't experienced any withdrawal symptoms or flatline periods or low libido and I was wondering if it is even possible to recover without going through any of those issues?Have any of you guys been through this with your partner and have you told them about your reboot ?I'm too afraid to do so I need some advice.
Reboot saves lives
- Thread starter Stiffy999
- Start date
It is now day 11:
Yesterday after I posted here I took a nap and for the first time since I started reboot had a dream about watching porn fapping to it-eventually cumming,but in reality I didn't cum so it wasn't a wet dream.After I woke up I wanted to test myself if I could masturbate without porn or fantasies(but I couldn't so I fantasized about my gf) and I was edging but somehow controlled myself not to cum.Then the same dream happened today when I woke up in the morning except that in this second dream i was trying to battle that feeling of horniness(or rather just porn and fap addiction) and didn't masturbate in the dream nor in reality.Is this normal to happen ?Could it be that edging maybe slowed my recovery? I read that I shouldn't count these as a relapse but I'm beginning to be worried...
Yesterday after I posted here I took a nap and for the first time since I started reboot had a dream about watching porn fapping to it-eventually cumming,but in reality I didn't cum so it wasn't a wet dream.After I woke up I wanted to test myself if I could masturbate without porn or fantasies(but I couldn't so I fantasized about my gf) and I was edging but somehow controlled myself not to cum.Then the same dream happened today when I woke up in the morning except that in this second dream i was trying to battle that feeling of horniness(or rather just porn and fap addiction) and didn't masturbate in the dream nor in reality.Is this normal to happen ?Could it be that edging maybe slowed my recovery? I read that I shouldn't count these as a relapse but I'm beginning to be worried...
Day 12
Morning wood since day 4-5 became inevitable(not that I complain
)but it is only about 60-70% and doesn't last long.However it feels awesome bcs it stopped happening like 3-4 yrs ago,believe me I've forgotten about the existence of it hahaha.I guess I'm on a right path to my ultimate goal-90 days of no PMO and that's when I'll see if ED is cured enough for me to have normal PIV sex.
Morning wood since day 4-5 became inevitable(not that I complain
)but it is only about 60-70% and doesn't last long.However it feels awesome bcs it stopped happening like 3-4 yrs ago,believe me I've forgotten about the existence of it hahaha.I guess I'm on a right path to my ultimate goal-90 days of no PMO and that's when I'll see if ED is cured enough for me to have normal PIV sex.Day 14
Still no craving for porn,had an awesome day hanging out with a lot of my high school friends.
When I got home I listed my instagram and stumbled upon some hot girls pics and my dick got pretty hard and I almost relapsed but managed to control myself(if it's not real no deal) but I feel like every new day i'm being one step closer to recovery.
Still no craving for porn,had an awesome day hanging out with a lot of my high school friends.
When I got home I listed my instagram and stumbled upon some hot girls pics and my dick got pretty hard and I almost relapsed but managed to control myself(if it's not real no deal) but I feel like every new day i'm being one step closer to recovery.
Hello Stiffy999, thank you for sharing your story. I have been working on my recovery for close to a year now and hope to offer my strategy in hopes that it could bolster your effort.
I worked remotely one-on-one with a sex therapist when my wife uncovered my addiction, who led me to ybop and places like this forum.I have been working on my recovery on my own and will be honest in saying that i have relapsed to porn and pmo a few times but am using these experiences to inform my strategy.
Today I do not have any arousal when looking at porn, but get a crazy dopamine rush, and I feel this is a result of conditioning my brain to the true effects that porn has had on my sexuality and my overall well-being in life.I still have impulses that drive me to think about using porn, but I have also worked through and eliminated stessors in my life that have caused me to use in the past, which to me is improvement in breaking my porn addiction.
I found the following things to be extremely helpful in conditioning your brain to not crave porn, or to change the way in which you respond to pornography.
1) stop all sexual activity for a number of weeks or month (depending on the severity of your addiction). this means to not engage with any sexualized material to the best of your ability. I stopped having any orgasm for three months (a long and painful three months) but it will help your brain begin to re-condition your body's sexual response. Ask yourself what is a porn craving and what is a normal sex response to a live person-- can you tell the difference?
2) Be brutally honest with yourself. I realized that even sexualized scenes in a tv show would trigger my porn cravings. Find the patterns in your life that are causing you to use porn and change the way you think about them. I still have these responses to sexy women depicted on screen, but i recognize this for what it is and draw my attention elsewhere.
3) Find an outlet to express yourself, be it therapy or exercise or a passion. Use this space to define boundaries for yourself and what you want out of life. I focused on building a better relationship with my wife(who was hurt deeply by my actions surrounding porn and pmo)
I wanted a better relationship to my wife and to repair the damage I caused to her when she uncovered my addiction. I am still working through what is the right path and have found that working through each moment with mindfulness helps and keeping yourself accountable. We both agreed to work through it and we are now 10 months after d-day and we are both more committed partners and better people as a result.
The best and most obvious answer I received from my therapist was "do something else". Recognize that you are in a compromised position as an addict and draw yourself away rather than commit to engage with that material.
The problem is not pornography but rather your relationship to sexualized imagery and fantasies related to this material.
The stress that induces your porn cravings can be addressed in a more healthy manner, what is it? what are you going to do about it?
Best of luck, happy to talk more if you would find it helpful.
I worked remotely one-on-one with a sex therapist when my wife uncovered my addiction, who led me to ybop and places like this forum.I have been working on my recovery on my own and will be honest in saying that i have relapsed to porn and pmo a few times but am using these experiences to inform my strategy.
Today I do not have any arousal when looking at porn, but get a crazy dopamine rush, and I feel this is a result of conditioning my brain to the true effects that porn has had on my sexuality and my overall well-being in life.I still have impulses that drive me to think about using porn, but I have also worked through and eliminated stessors in my life that have caused me to use in the past, which to me is improvement in breaking my porn addiction.
I found the following things to be extremely helpful in conditioning your brain to not crave porn, or to change the way in which you respond to pornography.
1) stop all sexual activity for a number of weeks or month (depending on the severity of your addiction). this means to not engage with any sexualized material to the best of your ability. I stopped having any orgasm for three months (a long and painful three months) but it will help your brain begin to re-condition your body's sexual response. Ask yourself what is a porn craving and what is a normal sex response to a live person-- can you tell the difference?
2) Be brutally honest with yourself. I realized that even sexualized scenes in a tv show would trigger my porn cravings. Find the patterns in your life that are causing you to use porn and change the way you think about them. I still have these responses to sexy women depicted on screen, but i recognize this for what it is and draw my attention elsewhere.
3) Find an outlet to express yourself, be it therapy or exercise or a passion. Use this space to define boundaries for yourself and what you want out of life. I focused on building a better relationship with my wife(who was hurt deeply by my actions surrounding porn and pmo)
I wanted a better relationship to my wife and to repair the damage I caused to her when she uncovered my addiction. I am still working through what is the right path and have found that working through each moment with mindfulness helps and keeping yourself accountable. We both agreed to work through it and we are now 10 months after d-day and we are both more committed partners and better people as a result.
The best and most obvious answer I received from my therapist was "do something else". Recognize that you are in a compromised position as an addict and draw yourself away rather than commit to engage with that material.
The problem is not pornography but rather your relationship to sexualized imagery and fantasies related to this material.
The stress that induces your porn cravings can be addressed in a more healthy manner, what is it? what are you going to do about it?
Best of luck, happy to talk more if you would find it helpful.
Just wanted to check in... Haven't written anything in long time partly bcs of university exams and partly bcs during that period I relapsed(day 28).I didn't watch any porn just some hot instagram chicks but still a relapse is relapse and I swore to myself that it was last MO until I feel completely cured.It is now day 4 no MO day 32 no PMO
Hey Stiffy,
Sounds like you are on the right path and I look forward to hearing about your progress. I just want to share a few words on relapses/motivation. Something I was taught that I have found useful is to breakdown the relapses into individual factors because unfortunately will-power and momentum are not gonna take you to the finish line. They are powerful tools no doubt but it is in those moments of temptation that the real reboot starts. So, when you have a relapse you need to to write down what happened in detail. You need to outline the situational factors that lead to your slip. You also need to identify emotional factors that were at play and make note as to how you responded to those emotions. Treat each relapse as a learning experience. Once you have a true idea of what went wrong that is when you can adapt. You can adjust your habits so as to avoid your personal triggers. A huge issue that guys like us run into are these twisted rationalizations that take us down some truly bizarre and illogical roads. Upon having a consistent journal patterns are gonna start to appear and that is when you can really make changes in your life. I hope this helps.
Sounds like you are on the right path and I look forward to hearing about your progress. I just want to share a few words on relapses/motivation. Something I was taught that I have found useful is to breakdown the relapses into individual factors because unfortunately will-power and momentum are not gonna take you to the finish line. They are powerful tools no doubt but it is in those moments of temptation that the real reboot starts. So, when you have a relapse you need to to write down what happened in detail. You need to outline the situational factors that lead to your slip. You also need to identify emotional factors that were at play and make note as to how you responded to those emotions. Treat each relapse as a learning experience. Once you have a true idea of what went wrong that is when you can adapt. You can adjust your habits so as to avoid your personal triggers. A huge issue that guys like us run into are these twisted rationalizations that take us down some truly bizarre and illogical roads. Upon having a consistent journal patterns are gonna start to appear and that is when you can really make changes in your life. I hope this helps.
Hey mauseie,
Thank you for your suggestions,can't agree with you more.Willpower is definetely necessary to reboot but you can't rely just on it when your mind is triggered.In order to escape a relapse I've written all of the bad consequences a relapse brings to remind me why I shouldn't do it.
It's now day 9 since i MOed and day 37 since I PMOed last time and although I'm still in flatline I really don't care because i've been feeling great and cheerful this whole week for no particular reason(I guess that's connected to recovering proccess on some subconscious level,who knows? ).Moreover,i realised that some "fetishes" i think i had were 100% porn induced.They completely vanished from my brain so that's a relief.
Thank you for your suggestions,can't agree with you more.Willpower is definetely necessary to reboot but you can't rely just on it when your mind is triggered.In order to escape a relapse I've written all of the bad consequences a relapse brings to remind me why I shouldn't do it.
It's now day 9 since i MOed and day 37 since I PMOed last time and although I'm still in flatline I really don't care because i've been feeling great and cheerful this whole week for no particular reason(I guess that's connected to recovering proccess on some subconscious level,who knows?
).Moreover,i realised that some "fetishes" i think i had were 100% porn induced.They completely vanished from my brain so that's a relief.Day 12 no MO;Day 40 no PMO
I've had my first ever wet dream.I know this might sound a bit crazy but in the dream i was edging and didn't want to ejaculate but eventually did,and it felt like a huge relapse.When I woke up it took me couple of minutes to realise that it was just a dream.The most accurate description of this day must be ABSOLUTE FLATLINE.I've been hanging with gf and I felt 0 arousal 0 libido...if I didn't know about the existence of the flatline I would certainly think that i'm asexual.I hope that I'm on the right path bcs as most rebooters say when you get through your first flatline you can consider yourself cured enough to have PIV sex.
I've had my first ever wet dream.I know this might sound a bit crazy but in the dream i was edging and didn't want to ejaculate but eventually did,and it felt like a huge relapse.When I woke up it took me couple of minutes to realise that it was just a dream.The most accurate description of this day must be ABSOLUTE FLATLINE.I've been hanging with gf and I felt 0 arousal 0 libido...if I didn't know about the existence of the flatline I would certainly think that i'm asexual.I hope that I'm on the right path bcs as most rebooters say when you get through your first flatline you can consider yourself cured enough to have PIV sex.
Right on man. Good work on the list. I know that the lack of a sexual appetite is alarming but to me it just underlines your brains neural plasticity and general ability to adapt. So keep at it bruv. Also, I don't mean to pry but have you spoken about your flatline with your GF? I think you have a unique opportunity to build an understanding with her based primarily on an emotional connection rather than a hyperactive dopamine tract. I am no scientists but I do know that in these times of challenge (such as a reboot) it is the things you don't want to do that are gonna make the difference in creating new thought patterns. Just a thought.
Hey bro,thanks for your suggestions.I know a lot of guys opened up themselves and it only helped them improve the relationship,but in my case it is a bit different.My gf is a virgin,so she doesn't push me to have sex and whenever during conversation my last failure comes up she doesn't make a big deal out of it,I mean she is like "when we get the chance next time we'll do it" and changes the subject.That's why I don't wanna put this filth(my past porn habits) inside of her head until I feel like it is neccessary.
Also,it's Day 13 no MO ; Day 41 no PMO;Day 5 severe flatline-0 libido 0 erections 0 morning wood,it seems like a long way ahead of me.However, it's objectively positive thing to be flatlining in day 40+(and I know a lot of guys experience it much later) bcs it means that i will recover sooner maybe even before day 90.Believe it or not I managed to get out of friendzone so i guess flatline is also copeable.
Also,it's Day 13 no MO ; Day 41 no PMO;Day 5 severe flatline-0 libido 0 erections 0 morning wood,it seems like a long way ahead of me.However, it's objectively positive thing to be flatlining in day 40+(and I know a lot of guys experience it much later) bcs it means that i will recover sooner maybe even before day 90.Believe it or not I managed to get out of friendzone so i guess flatline is also copeable.
Ah, I understand. In that case just keep doing what you are doing. Each day makes you a better man.
Congratulations on the progress, keep me updated. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but I have heard of multiple flatlines or multiple low periods ie peaks and valleys. I know its hard and I am guilty of it too, but try not to get too ahead of yourself. Besides that......ride the flatline into some heavy streaks ma dude (also you are the people's champ for getting out of the friendzone...well done lad)
Congratulations on the progress, keep me updated. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but I have heard of multiple flatlines or multiple low periods ie peaks and valleys. I know its hard and I am guilty of it too, but try not to get too ahead of yourself. Besides that......ride the flatline into some heavy streaks ma dude (also you are the people's champ for getting out of the friendzone...well done lad)
Day 19 no MO Day 47 no PMO
I didn't think i'd write anything today but some important things happened so i guess i should update my journal.Last night my gf came over to hangout at my place.We were laying in bed kissing,foreplaying to some extent but i knew i wasn't phyiscally able to perform.So i made up my mind that it is completly neccessary to break the ice,get over the shame and tell her what's going on in my brain.I was amazed at her reaction,she was so positive about it.I mean she was kinda shocked initially but then she started mocking me and making fun of my situation(i totally deserved that) and asking me why i didn't speak up earlier.She even told me she was worried i might be homosexual hahahaha.All in all she was positive and supportive and it felt like i dropped huge burden of my back.After that conversation we continued where we left off and i finally felt some libido comming back!After some long asexual days of flaccid dick i finally felt some arousal down there and got hard!!!Still however,i don't think it could stay that way long enough for sex but it is a progress...it's only day 47 so i'll give it time.I know i will have no trouble reaching day 90 and around that period i will try to redeem myself for last failure and if i fail again won't make a big deal out of it-instead i will give my brain more time to recover and regain sensitivity to real pleasure.
I didn't think i'd write anything today but some important things happened so i guess i should update my journal.Last night my gf came over to hangout at my place.We were laying in bed kissing,foreplaying to some extent but i knew i wasn't phyiscally able to perform.So i made up my mind that it is completly neccessary to break the ice,get over the shame and tell her what's going on in my brain.I was amazed at her reaction,she was so positive about it.I mean she was kinda shocked initially but then she started mocking me and making fun of my situation(i totally deserved that) and asking me why i didn't speak up earlier.She even told me she was worried i might be homosexual hahahaha.All in all she was positive and supportive and it felt like i dropped huge burden of my back.After that conversation we continued where we left off and i finally felt some libido comming back!After some long asexual days of flaccid dick i finally felt some arousal down there and got hard!!!Still however,i don't think it could stay that way long enough for sex but it is a progress...it's only day 47 so i'll give it time.I know i will have no trouble reaching day 90 and around that period i will try to redeem myself for last failure and if i fail again won't make a big deal out of it-instead i will give my brain more time to recover and regain sensitivity to real pleasure.
Day 28 no MO;Day 56 no PMO
I think I'm still flatlining but there are couple of things suggesting I'm not,so it is a bit confusing.Firstly,morning wood is slowly and weakly(20-30%) returning,but more important thing is that I get boner(70-80%) that doesn't last long while hanging with gf.The rest of the day is completely asexual,0 libido 0 sexual thoughts and that's why i think I'm not out of the flatline yet.It has been only 2.5-3 weeks so i guess it is more time that i need.
I think I'm still flatlining but there are couple of things suggesting I'm not,so it is a bit confusing.Firstly,morning wood is slowly and weakly(20-30%) returning,but more important thing is that I get boner(70-80%) that doesn't last long while hanging with gf.The rest of the day is completely asexual,0 libido 0 sexual thoughts and that's why i think I'm not out of the flatline yet.It has been only 2.5-3 weeks so i guess it is more time that i need.