Emerald Blue said:
Whilst I?m glad that the partner?s section is helpful to recovering addicts, particularly those in long term committed relationships, I feel that I?ve been quoted just a little bit out of context and I?d like to clarify things.
Fair enough, but now that I put some more thought into it perhaps "raping by proxy" isn't a particularly inspirational line to begin with, If the standard for being a proxy "insert whatever here" is being a passive consumer of "insert whatever here", then the bar is set pretty low as far as humanity is concerned. Most of us porn addicts don't actively seek out abusive content either, and we often don't know when something is abusive because there is never any way to be certain. Some decidedly non abusive categories of porn (e.g bdsm) draw an increasingly fuzzy line between what consenting adults enjoy doing to each other vs actual abuse. All in all not the best line for me to have quoted, so disregard that.
The quotations were lifted from the thread on the recent Weinstein allegations which, as you will no doubt be aware, has led to the #MeToo phenomenon where women from all parts of the globe and from all walks of life have shared their own experiences of sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape. Many women on the Partner?s section have shared experiences from their own past before and after #MeToo. That?s the thread you?re quoting from.
Yup, certainly worth a read: http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=14387.0
Many women who have experienced sexual trauma will pick up on certain signs that become apparent when they look at porn. For example, I see disassociation in the eyes, I see physical pain in the facial expression. It?s also obvious that female sexual pleasure is impossible in just about every porn scene, and there?s often an element of humiliation or subjugation which the woman is paid to pretend to enjoy. The accounts of Weinstein?s behaviour, specifically the accounts of the rapes, described the very same elements as we recognise in porn AND what we remember from our own experiences.
Yeah, I've picked up on those facial expressions too, it's quite a turn off to see someone suffering... Honestly though in most of the porn I've watched people are just giggling/screwing around/enjoying themselves. Perhaps we have different experiences as a porn addict, vs a somewhat removed observer. In other words I've seen first hand what 99% of porn looks like, whereas you've likely formed an opinion from an initial anti porn stance (as a result of it negatively impacting your life/marriage to such a degree) and you've likely limited your search to information that will support that opinion/stance.
Of course I was very much pro porn in all it's forms for the longest time, and cheerily ignorant of the abuses that do go on. In my firsthand experience though, it would be dishonest for me to say that suffering is the majority experience, or that female pleasure is impossible, or that plenty of people male and female don't get enjoyment just from the mere act of playing a submissive role in sex.
Most of the time, from what I've seen firsthand, and read from any unbiased third party investigations, the porn industry is just another job, highly lucrative for those unashamed of partaking in sexual behavior on camera. Unless of course you're referring to abhorrent and illegal practices like revenge porn, and others that I'd rather not refer to in polite company, but they are very much discouraged to the point that the porn industry certainly wouldn't openly endorse such practices.
We?ve known for a long time that the entertainment industry is rife with the sexual abuse of young women, so why would the porn industry be exempt from the same abuse? It?s not. It?s an even nastier and more ruthless business if the truth be told. Porn contains stark reminders of sexual abuse for many women. Accounts of Weinstein?s behaviour re activate memories of sexual abuse for many women. Don?t forget, you?re quoting from a thread for partners of porn addicts specifically about how the Weinstein case has affected them.
Have we? Can you put a number on rife, are we talking 5%, 10%? In my mind rife conjures up a number closer to 90%, and if I really believed that 90% of the porn industry was corrupt and abusive, it would have been much easier to stop a long time ago. Unfortunately the verifiable evidence that I have access to paints a much less bleak picture of the porn industry, and it takes a lot longer for me to get on board with ditching an entire industry to prevent a minority of abuses. Call me whatever you like for that mindset, but I'd say that's representative of the mindset of the vast majority of people on this planet. I mean how many vegetarians do you know, even though we know that abuse occurs in the meat industry far more frequently, and it's literally destroying the earth's climate... People don't like significant change even when the impact will be significant, let alone preventing a minority of abuses in the porn industry that laws are already meant to account for.
The second quote is again somewhat out of context. I was referring specifically to the activity of clicking on specific categories of porn videos in order to generate obscenely small amounts of money ? a micro fraction of a micro fraction of one cent for every video viewed ? to be donated to an unspecified breast cancer charity. In reality, the site hosting the videos actually stood to gain more money for itself if more people clicked. It was this laundering of reputation and image of porn as some sort of ?force for good? that was under the spotlight here. And rather than clicking on videos to make more money for the content owners in the belief that they were supporting a good cause ie breast cancer, it would be far more helpful to donate money directly to breast cancer charities. And preferably not supporting the porn industry point blank for the benefit of all women. That is the context of my quote.
Yup, fair enough, it would be a lot more helpful, if all you wanted to do was support the fight against one specific form of cancer. It would be far more helpful to donate to a generalized cancer research center. Problem is some of these big cancer charities do little more to actually solve the problem than Pornhub did with their "charity".
