How many....

marbeck

Member
Ok I am jumping forums just to ask all of you a few questions.  I need to know the answers.  How many of you actually considered your partners feeling in this?  How many of you destroyed good relationships? Do any of you actually feel guilty?  Once you completed this journey are there actual regrets?  I am leaving him but right now I want him to feel the the pain he has left me with.  The pure disgust with myself, the lack of self esteem, lack of self worth, the control he pushed on me just because he knew I loved him?  How many of you have rectified this with your partners? 
 

joepanic

Respected Member
I'm going to start  by saying  I'm sorry your hurt.  No one wishes these feelings on anyone.  But beyond that  I'll give you a short synopsis of my "life".  Im 50 years old  and began looking at porn  as a teenager because I spent many a lonely night as I was never "socially acceptable  to girls  Was not "rebel" enough. Not "bad boy" enough. I fully understand the feelings of destroyed self esteem and self worth.  I can assure you its not the life I wanted and if the resources were out there  30 years ago on the effects of porn addiction I am sure I would not be typing this today.  I eventually married  at age 36  and have been for the almost the last 14 years.  My wife knew I surfed porn before we were married  and could not care less just as long as  it never became  between us.  Again I can assure you it has not.  In a small way it allowed her the freedom to pursue her interests.  We also have a reasonably healthy sex life.  I never chose porn over her  never hid it from her never lied to her about it....  The only thing my wife didn't know was that I was actually "addicted" to it.  As I said she knew I watched it.  I chose not to disclose my addiction so many "partners" here like to think of me as  not putting in 100% into my marriage.  I decided all by myself  to  beat my addiction which I have done.  I now live a 100% porn free life. I gave it up for a great many reasons.  How it made me feel not having control of my life.  I did not want to support an industry of questionable standards.  I want to set a good example  to my kids  and I want to pursue other more constructive  hobbies and interests.  I can assure you every "MAN' here is considering the feelings of the ones he loves or they wouldn't be here.  Every  "MAN" here is trying to overcome an addiction.  Every "MAN" here is trying to be a better man.  Every "MAN"  in this forum is looking for support.  I have generally steered clear of the partners section  unless it was to offer "unconditional" support.  I only wished I could have had that same curtesy in my journal.  It would have made my journey a little easier.  But in the end I prevailed.  So to answer your questions  Yes I  have considered the feelings of my loved ones.  And no not all of us destroyed our relationships.  We were sick and have found ways to heal

      Post often it helps me it helps you
 
I definitely have! Especially if you know if my wife and I?s relationship. Highly sexual and loving. It was her comments that actually made me think it was more than just my age or anxiety or other mental concerns. When she started telling me she thought it was her, that I wasn?t attracted to her, that she thought there was something wrong with her, I knew something needed to change. The question at the time was always, what? I?m lucky enough to have a very understanding partner and coping mechanisms in place for both of us that helped out, but we still weren?t fully ourselves. Since I started my journey and my reboot, we both have recognized major improvements, not only in our sex lives together, but in our marriage.

So to answer your question yea I have considered her feelings, I have many regrets, and I do feel guilty. I assume that I was on the verge of loosing her, but things are looking much better for us now that I finally figured out what my issues were and am working towards healing them.

I?m sorry you are going through what you are experiencing right now. No one deserves that. I don?t know you, him or what your relationship is/was like. What I do know is that besides smoking and drinking, this is probably the most difficult indulgence I have tried to quit. It?s a struggle... every day! Just a little insight I can share into what he may be going through. You need to do what?s best for you though and you are the only one who can make that decision.
 
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