Journals > Ages 40 and up

Hand required to O?

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Mikerp:
I am 53, suffering with ED for 7 or so years now. I started masturbating at 15 and never stopped. Maybe 2 or more times a week. Always to images in magazines or videos or internet. A couple of years ago I would M for hours in front of PC maybe couple of times a week, I was thinking I better O all I can now cause my ED would worsen. My ED has worsened since then. I stopped that now, porn just does not excite me like it used to. I still M to porn but I need the visual to O. I"m married almost 25 years now, sex with my wife was mostly always good, recently really great because of ED pills I can please her for quite a while, but I can't O in her. For the last 15-20 years I would only O with her hand or mine instead of birth control. Now I can not O with a BJ or intercourse for quite a while, can't even get close to it. The feeling is just not there.
I take ED pills and now penile injections to get hard with some success. But to O takes A LOT of hand stimulation. I can not get myself hard to M without ED pills either, porn or no porn. My urologist diagnosed me with poor blood flow in my penis, but where is the sensitivity I once had? If I stop all hand/penis contact will I get back the sensitivity I once had? Maybe better erections without pills?
I have been to a sex therapist, who said something is wrong in my head, I do sense that something shut down in my brain. I used to really appreciate a beautiful women on the street, not so much any more. Just like porn used to excite me, not now. Recently I have been to nude resorts and other sexually charged activities, not much visual excitement there either. Recently have danced with other women, grinding and other genital contact does nothing for me physically and mentally?
Also Inoften watch porn with my wife while having sex to help with the excitement, seems to excite me a little. I can get off with her hand without it but it adds something.
Recently my wife and I have started swinging with other couples. I was hoping that the excitement would help, it does not. I would think the excitement of a new woman would work, still having ED problem even with the pills then, I end up going home with my wife so she can finish me off with her hand or mine.
Has anyone here had a similar problem with the constant hand jobs? I've read it will de-sensitize the penis. I am hoping that if I have no hand jobs for a while the sensitivity will come back, maybe even better erections too? Also I am wondering if my years of M to porn and images, even if not always excessive is my ED issue? Now I'm thinking it may be.

fcjl8:
Swinging with others? Man, if I could not enjoy intimacy with my wife with a nice erection, I would never expect the pressures of having sex with strangers to help things? I just imagine that being intimate with strangers to be very stressful?? I can't see that helping a limp penis!

If you don't mind me asking even the fear of disease would be enough to keep me limp!! That is okay with you?

fcjl8:
Sorry, don't want to come across as judging you. I just can't hep but put your account into my personal perspective...

I had some pretty wild fantasies while immersed in my porn use but never acted out on them. Maybe time away from pornland will help stabilize your sexual exploration.

Viper:
Welcome.
That's an awful lot to process there.
I'm not gonna judge you, whatever arrangement you and your wife have is your business.
It does blow my mind that you still get blow jobs though, just saying.

But I would start out by reading a lot of the journals posted on here.
Granted, I haven't read any lifestyles quite like yours but the very
basic foundation is ridding yourself of any external source that triggers
lust that isn't your SO (significant other). That's if she's the only one
you desire and want to please. Again, not judging.
Now I too have spent a great deal of time in the night club scene and
lets face it, I do like dancing and getting turned on by the grinding,
the touch, and the smell of a woman I'm attracted to. Haven't done it in a while
because I have an SO that isn't into that sort of thing. But even so, I
had to stop going simply because I have E.D. issues and there are to
many triggers in that environment that is detrimental to my progress.

Think about this for a moment, you just listed one source after another that
worked, stopped working, then you moved onto another.
Wasn't that the same with porn?
YOu probably had a few girls you would watch in certain scenes.
You spanked the monkey so much to them that you moved on to other
girls. Different types and probably even escalated to the kind of sex you're
not particularly into but you see, you wore out the stuff you were turned
on by to the point that there is no sensitivity downstairs.
So when a real vagina is starring you in the face, you're at a lost.
Same goes for all those 'quick fix' things you tried. Worked for a little,
then you got nothing.
So the answer in my amateur opinion is to
make a commitment to reboot. It's gonna take some sacrifices but how bad do you
want to reverse this?

Mikerp:
  Thanks for the feedback.  Guess I should point out that sex with my wife has been great the last couple of years with ED pills. But I do need pills for it. Inconvenient sometimes.
  The swinging escalated form viewing porn with my wife, it was my idea I'm sure, and we both thought we only live once, so why not act on fantasy?  Instead getting old and looking back and saying we should have, also we do practice safe sex with others. We've been together for 30 years, and both view sex with others as just sex and a fun time.
  I am still wondering that since a penile dopler test showed that I have poor blood flow, if it is really worth abstaining from O for a while. I can definitely stopped masturbating, I think? 4 days now, and I have no desire to after reading here, but to have no release at all with my wife? It would be worth no O if I do improve, for sure. But I am not sure that I have multiple problems. But I am going to change something for a while.
   From what I gather here, is it bad to even get a glimpse of porn? And would porn be just sexual acts or even a scantily clothed real women? I do realize my brain seems dead to seeing porn and pics now. I think that shows that I've seen too much? But it seems like real women can be OK? And any artificial images can be bad.
  I have another question, in recent years when I've become aroused, instead of getting hard (totally limp) I will get precum seepage? Without having any physical contact in my pants.  Any indication with that? I have not been able to find any info on that matter.
  Any further input would be appreciated

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