Please tell me this concept is legitimate

Over the past 15 years my ED has become worse and worse, while my porn use remained unchanged. My sex life with my wife disappeared and so did all of my desire. I want so much to fix this problem. I am a recovering alcoholic with 22 years. I understand addictive behavior and feel confident I will be able to quit porn use, masturbation, objectifying women.  I miss erections terribly and I miss intimacy with my wife a thousand times more. Please tell me there is hope?  Thank you

Wanttobebetter..my friend,I am in the same boat as you.You will find so many people out there that are like us..more then people who are normal. Unfortunately,since our addiction is one of the worst out there,you are going to have to make the decision that you are going to have to abstain from all MO/PMO for sometime until your mind reboots itself to just desire that intimacy.Sure,MOing takes the edge off and relaxes you,but how do you feel the next day is the real question..like crap..right? I'm right now 14 days no MO and over 30 days no PMO..it sucks to say the least.In my mind I am say "what frig am I doing this for",but the rational side says,"well,your not having sex with your wife,and you MO everyday...does that answer your question".This is a great place to be.All the people on here are reaching out to each other for support and are clearly going through what we are,and some are several months,even years in remission who give great insight and hope to a much better life.Hang in there my brother,you will once again be intimate and love your wife the way you want her to be loved..be well.

To Grappler88, thank you so much for your reply. I've spent years looking for answers. Your encouragement means everything and for me, today is now "Day 1"

Wanttobebetter..my pleasure.You have to be fully commited to this...no joke.This is not a one week fixer upper.This is long battle,that you are going to have to muster every once of willpower in your mind to overcome.I may sound rough about it,but there is no other way around this.It's gonna be brutal the first couple of weeks,but one thing you can do if you feel like your gonna fall off the PO/PMO wagon is come on here and vent. Everyone is non judgmental and you suprisingly find people who really understand what your going through.I know for me,that when I was on another board LTE( who happens to be a moderator on here) wrote some super kind words of encouragement to me and is one of the reasons I jumped ship on another forum and came here.Be well.

Dear wanttobebetter,

Amazing changes can occur when we commit to leave porn and masturbation behind. But, it is no magic pill. It takes time and is at times rough and sometimes even has some painful moments.

Time and commitment are required always. Don't take your mind of your goal of reconnecting with your wife! Keep that goal at the forefront especially if and when urges creep in.

I am 52 and married, I have enjoyed 3 long streaks of sobriety and my commitment has never been higher than it is right now. My connection and relationship with my wife are stronger than in our 31 years of marriage.

Keep posting here and try offering comments on others journals that really helps the process.

This is a process of progress not perfection, be patient!

I have felt so alone and inadequate. It was the complete fantasy world of porn itself that led me to question whether this site was even real. I know my struggle will be one day at a time, but I feel blessed that all of you and Reboot Nation are there. I am not alone. My problems are not unique. You have taught me that already. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

Wanttobebetter said:

I have felt so alone and inadequate. It was the complete fantasy world of porn itself that led me to question whether this site was even real. I know my struggle will be one day at a time, but I feel blessed that all of you and Reboot Nation are there. I am not alone. My problems are not unique. You have taught me that already. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

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I am a wife. This works. Stick with it. Don't lie to yourself, because when it gets tough you will want to believe lies. It does work.

Hi wanttobebetter, I am also a newcomer, but it seems to me if you have 22 of recovery from alcohol, you have a good understanding of the effort that it will take to beat this addiction.  I have been so encouraged by the reading other people's forums, it is kind of like finding a meeting that works.  Hang tough brother

What are your thoughts on confessing to my wife? Should I? Shouldn't I? Is there a definitive answer or is it case by case?

Wanttobebetter...is your wife a very understanding person? If she is not,you may not want to enrage her.Porn is a completely different animal then alcohol. She can definitely understand your "love" for the bottle because there is no emotional attachment ,but she might feel betrayed or even feel inadequate because you find porn more desirable.Even if you justify to her that it has now become an addiction,and it's not even about sexual desire,as opposed to pushing your mind for more dopamine hits.Remember,you already put her through alcohol recovery,she may say"oh man..what else is this husband of mine putting me through now..I didn't sign up for this".You know your wife better then we all do.Think this out..very carefully.If you feel comfortable with telling her,pour your emotions out to her,because nobody else will stand by you.We as members here can give you support for things you may not want discuss with her,but the core problem,if it bothers you,you have to speak to her from the heart and tell her why you are telling her.The guilt,when released may make your relationship with her,and your recovery that more manageable.I will stress,that you think out all scenarios before spilling the beans.One last thing..get a therapist.They will make you accountable..and make sure you grill the hell out of them to what type of "sex addiction" therapist they really are.You don't want to walk in there and tell them your story and they look at you like a deer in head lights.Be well my friend,you will find this recovery great,bad,terrible,and great...good luck.

My wife is caring, open minded, intelligent, but also sensitive. So I think for now at least, I will work the program alone. As time passes and I begin to gain control of my urges and addictions I will revisit the pros and cons of telling her about the lonely and destructive life I've been leading. Glad to be here among you. Thank you for opening your arms and your minds and your hearts for me.

Dammit, it's amazing. Two days so far and this morning all the triggers are firing. Just found out it even has a name...Chaser Effect! One doesn't find out how badly they're stricken until they stop. What man or woman even has a clue when they enter the porn world how powerful and life changing it may be for them? I thought porn was a "...convenient alternative." I though it was harmless enough and offered a quick opportunity for stress relief and a little imagination time. What a reality check this endeavor will be. I know my separation from alcohol years ago involved recognizing the triggers. Same principal here. I'm going to shower and get the heck out of here. My brain on porn was destroying my life. Right now my brain is telling me it wants some. No! I'll be okay, I want to be better, I'll be okay, I want to be better. I'll make another day thanks to all of you. I love all of you.

Wanttobebetter said:

My wife is caring, open minded, intelligent, but also sensitive. So I think for now at least, I will work the program alone. As time passes and I begin to gain control of my urges and addictions I will revisit the pros and cons of telling her about the lonely and destructive life I've been leading. Glad to be here among you. Thank you for opening your arms and your minds and your hearts for me.

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As a wife that knows and found out - this is a wise course of action.

I realize now looking back just a couple days, how lost and desperate I was. After around 12 years of masturbating to porn online, it was only in the last couple weeks that I found myself using live sex cam chat sites. Suddenly I had spent hundreds of dollars watching women do things I asked and paid them to do, while masturbating my flaccid penis. I felt pretty pathetic and despicable. It was only then that I began to see the control porn had on me. I also began to realize how completely false porn is. That was when I began searching for help and discovered yourmindonporn.com and rebootnation.org. I was so distrustful I made my first post title "Please tell me this concept is legitimate"
I thought it could possibly be one of the sites that professes to be friendly but only drags a person deeper into porn despair. God, I was scared and lost.
But that was then and this is now and tomorrow will be day 3.
Thank you all. You instruct to keep a journal, so I am and this is it.
Porn is heinous. Porn kills. Porn is not a joke or a pastime. I learned that from you.

About to reach 5 days. It's been a tough go, but I know it is worth it. One day at a time. I want to be better

It is legit' and it works. It's much like overcoming alcohol addiction and you have our support so it's like an AA meeting, without everyone ducking out for a smoke during the breaks.