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Messages - MosesY

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: December 09, 2020, 01:55:46 AM »
I am a long time free from pornography now. No porn sites and no cam girls. At one time I did not think that was possible. I am working on my cabinet at work in the mornings before work at the shop I work in, I have about 15-20 minutes every morning. I cut all the boards to length yesterday, today I will rip the boards to width. I found out yesterday that we will have a guaranteed day off on Christmas eve and I have a day of vacation the day before so I will have a 5 day weekend. I hope to have my cabinet done by then and spend a day or so working on reorganizing my lantern bench. These types of distractions really help in avoiding porn.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: December 05, 2020, 03:44:28 AM »
I have been porn free now for 9 months and 26 days. I am thinking about asking a woman out at work. The worst she can do is say no and then I will know. And then she will tell everyone else about it. I am working 21 days straight right now, most days are 10 hour days but on friday saturday and sunday we only work 8 hours. I am designing and building a cabinet to house my lantern parts and tools, I am very excited about it.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Not a Catchy Title ...
« on: November 09, 2020, 03:58:49 AM »
I have watched your struggle for some time now. I identify with it. I come from a similar background, similar feelings about sin and porn. I am divorced basically due to porn but I am also bipolar.

Since you share scriptures and are openly Christian I will go there. I do not believe I can quit porn without God's help. In John 3 Nicodemus asks Jesus "What must I do to go to heaven?" Jesus replies "You must be born again." The question is what does it mean to be born again? For years I asked myself why this was not mentioned in the Old Testament; those people seemed to go to heaven because they lived by the law. I was reading one day and saw the words "I will give them a new heart" in Ezekiel. This is what it means to be "born again", in spirit, being given a new heart. If you go to BibleGateway and do a search for "new heart" you will find a number of scriptures in the Old Testament that refer to this.

One day about a year ago I was setting in front of my Chromebook at the lowest of the low. I had just spent all my money once again on cam girls. I was broke and broken. I bowed my head and came to God honestly and for the first time really meaning it; I asked Him to come into me and give me a new heart. This was the start of a real change in my life; true change, really wanting to quit porn. This is the first time in my life I have really quit porn and I feel unless something happens I have quit porn for good.

I would not say I am perfect, far from it. A while back I looked at some very risque movies and I regret that now; it was a stupid thing to do. Sometimes I am tempted to look at videos of women dancing, but I would say in truth I have not looked at porn for a long time now; God freed me from that.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: November 09, 2020, 03:14:30 AM »
Thank you for the comments; they really encourage me. I have a new phone now, I will have to charge my old phone and get the date off it and restart on my new phone so I don't know how many days of freedom I have had. Actually I might just set it for 9 months and start on the new phone, I know it is over 9 months. I did that just now. I am figuring as of now I am nine months porn free (sober).

I am single now, no woman in my life, had not had an orgasm for over 8 months. No porn, no masturbation, nothing. THe other night I had a dream and woke up with an erection. I was so aroused that I began masturbating. The feelings were more intense than I have ever experienced in my life; the orgasm more intense than any I ever had, including losing my virginity on the day I was married. Afterwards I thought maybe this would trigger me but the opposite is true. I think of the horror I went through to get to where I am today and I never want to go down that path again. I have not done anything since then and maybe won't for another 8 or 9 months before I have that experience again. If I have to wait 9 months to have such an experience again it will be worth it.

I just wonder what that would be like with a real woman.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Peters Journal
« on: November 09, 2020, 02:56:05 AM »
I think it is good to try to quit; it improves a lot of your relationships if you quit. THe book "Your Brain on Porn" did me a lot of good; I read it on my Kindle Fire, it was like 6 bucks or whatever. It changed my life; for the first time I truly understood what porn was doing to my brain.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: November 01, 2020, 02:11:38 AM »
I am Nine months free from the porn addiction now. Thanks for the encouraging comments. I do not believe you can quit pornography without a higher power. Sex is ingrained in our blood. I prayed to God and he changed my heart. I will have a good day today doing some cooking, watching Netflix "Designated Survivor" and drinking some beer.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: October 24, 2020, 02:19:54 AM »
Thank you for the responses. I am 8 months and 23 days free from porn now. I am up early in the mornings. I go to bed around 7 pm and get up around 2 am. The early morning hours is when I used to go to the web sites. This morning I am looking at Facebook, the suicide forum, a lantern forum, and then watching "Designated Survivor". I will go in to work to start at 5:30 am, have one 15 minute break in the middle and get off work at 1:30 pm. I am not tempted to look at porn but YouTube is a different story. It is very tempting to look at suggestive videos. One channel that is posted on Facebook has a guy going around to do different tricks to women to get their phone numbers. It is funny yet at the same time sad. He gets hundreds of girls phone numbers and then never calls them. How does that make them feel?

I like beautiful women. I find it disturbing that women go out in very tight yoga pants, tight T-shirts, knowing what they are doing to men. I guess I have learned to look them in the eyes, quitting pornography has freed me from being chained to my lust. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: October 09, 2020, 08:01:11 PM »
I am 8 months and 8 days free from porn now. I had a day off today to work on my car, I figured out a solution and will finish it in the morning. I drove some today, noticing the brilliant fall colors, the beautiful clouds and feeling the sunshine on my face.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: October 05, 2020, 02:14:10 AM »
I am 8 months and 4 days free from porn. I had a lot of free time this weekend and am not tempted to look at porn. It is like I live in a different world than I have the past 30 years. I made an apple pie on Saturday to take in to work today and share with my team. I care more about other people, my heart is getting softer. I have a doctor appointment in a few weeks to get a physical and have my prostate checked. I have not had an orgasm now for over 8 months and don't miss it.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Not a Catchy Title ...
« on: September 26, 2020, 03:04:27 AM »
I went through this struggle for years, many long years, 25 years. The New Testament talks about being born again, having the Holy Spirit come into your heart. When the Holy Spirit first came into the congregation there were flames of fire on the Christian's head. I was finally divorced, porn had cracked the foundation of my marriage and the house just fell around it. I was totally free for the first time in my life to do whatever I wanted. I went crazy. I went through phases of interacting with women online and ended up with cam girls. I spent thousands of dollars. It wasn't long before I was wasted, totally empty, no meaning in life. I was suicidal. I was watching some cam girls one night, spending money, and I just cried out to God to come into my heart. I was totally desperate at that point, had given all of my life to God to do with as He wished. It was a few days after that when I found Reboot Nation and somebody recommended the book "Your Brain on Porn." THat changed my life. I really believe God changed my heart, and He can do that.

I say all of this to say that I followed your journal and the one thing is you never give up. Just don't ever give up.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 26, 2020, 02:16:51 AM »
I am better now. 7 months and 25 days free from porn. I am going to a friends house this morning, leaving at 7, and if this drawer slide works he needs 4 more new slides. I am just going to tell him I will pay for the slides rather than him telling me to order the slides and he will pay me for them then never paying. I am setting up some of my Coleman stoves today to make a video of me making breakfast on Sunday morning. I find my Coleman hobby takes off the stress that I used to relieve with porn.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Time for a change
« on: September 21, 2020, 02:49:07 AM »
The book "Your Brain on Porn" will explain why it is so hard to quit porn. You have to deny it for months before the temptation goes away. The good thing is that the longer you don't use it the easier it become. A week or two weeks of no porn becomes the biggest temptation as your brain withdraws from regular dopamine injections. After that it was a little easier for me every week. Another problem you run into is triggers. You have a very hard day at work or you have a fight with your wife or an argument with someone it is so easy to turn to the cam sites. I was addicted to cam sites as well. One time I spent $600 in one night and woke up to go get groceries. When I went to pay for my groceries my debit card was denied. I had a little room on one credit card and bought $18 worth of frozen dinners to eat that week; otherwise I would not have had food to eat. I am 7 months and some days free from porn now. You can do this. One day at a time, the days will pile up. THe advantage you have that I did not is a wife to help you. You have to keep in mind that even though you look at porn once in a while you are still not looking at it as much as you did so you will gradually get better, longer times in between your failure. I would suggest putting a day counnter app on your phone, keep track of how long you are clean and then never give up; if you fail simply get up, start the day counter over. I would suggest a goal of 90 days; once you hit that goal set a goal for 6 months. I hope things go well with you, I am cheering you on.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 20, 2020, 03:36:35 AM »
Good morning @Emanresu. Cam sites are such addictive porn; to give a girl money and shhe will do what you ask. To give them lots of money they will notice you, pay attention to you. It is flattering. The thing I knew in my heart all along was that they were just doing it for the money. They don't really care about me. These women are someone's daughters. THey have dipped so low they are willing to sell their bodies for money. I found that after a while of not using them I feel sorry for them. I will never again support them.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 19, 2020, 12:17:10 AM »
I am clean now for 7 moths and 18 days. I am tempted to look at porn because of the lack of support here. People just love to condemn you. The only support you get is when you fail and look at porn. That is what Reboot Nation is all about; failure. They do not care about success. I notice that the posts on failure get lots of attention; the posts on success do not.

Porn Addiction / Re: Recovery stats?
« on: September 13, 2020, 01:35:47 PM »
The only stat that matters is yours.

Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: How do you “define” porn?
« on: September 13, 2020, 01:33:04 PM »
I am 53 years old, have been porn free over 7 months now. I read the book "Your Brain on Porn" and it made me see how it was affecting my relationships, it ruined my marriage, etc. I think the term "porn" in a committed relationship limits the context of what needs to be avoided. Any sexual stimulus outside of your partner needs to be avoided. There are a lot of things besides porn to stimulate you sexually.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 12, 2020, 12:09:44 AM »
I have been clean now for 7 months and 11 days. No urge to look at porn; I hate the stuff. I hate what it does to relationships. I hate what it does to me. I am doing some cabinet work for a friend today and having lunch there. Later I am going to Texas Roadhouse with a friend. My friend is addicted to porn and doesn't care. It is hard for him to read, he does not comprehend what he is reading. Thinking about this I think it is mostly my spiritual world that rejects porn; if I was not spiritual I might think that porn is okay.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 05, 2020, 03:47:00 AM »
I am 7 months and 4 days free from porn now. The movie "50 Shades of Grey" i knew would draw a response. Pornography is designed to arouse sexual feelings in people. The movie explores sexuality. I find it interesting but not provocative. The two main actors are perfect for the role they play. It is like the ancient art where a woman is painted with bare breasts or a man is carved out of marble totally naked, his penis hanging out. It is not meant as pornography, to arouse sexual tastes, but to explore the beauty of the human body and mind.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: September 04, 2020, 01:43:24 AM »
I am clean now for 7 months and 3 days. I am looking forward to a clean year. I have not had an orgasm during that time. I heard a lot about the book "Fifty Shades of Grey" and decided to watch the movie. I think it is R rated. It showed some boobs and butts but I found the movie artistic, not pornographic. THe photography was excellent and the characters portrayed very well. It was an exploration of the femme/dom world, a comment on emotions, and began an exploration into why people are oriented sexually as they are. I will probably try to find the other two movies in the series and watch them.

This weekend we have monday off for Labor Day. Saturday I am doing my chores and getting a haircut (it is nice to be spoiled by a lovely woman for 20 minutes) and then doing some cabinet work at a friends house. Sunday I have some sausages, bacon, pepper and onions to sautee, scrambled eggs, and plan on cooking them on my camp stoves in the garage.

Women / Re: Surprise
« on: September 04, 2020, 01:28:32 AM »
I am sorry you are going through a tough time. Maybe not tough now, the last time you posted was in May.

So far as men sticking with women and women sticking with men, there is a book written about that called "His Needs, Her Needs". Men's needs are very different from women's. Of course this is generalized but I found it true on a lot of levels. The number one need of most women is security. A stable man, strong, hard working, ethical, a provider for the family. Most women will give up romance and other needs to keep their security. This is why women will stick by a man. The number one need for most men, believe it or not, is sex. The second most common need is respect. I believe that if a woman allows sex with her husband he feels respected; it is a two prong need. If a man is no longer getting sex, his number one need, he often turns to other ways to find release. Whether that is a mistress or porn or whatever. This is a generalization but often times a stable and successful man whose wife is sick finds a woman at work who shows him respect, casts her snare on him, and he falls in love with her. He is not getting sex at home and his brain tells him to go where the sex is.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: August 23, 2020, 01:28:35 AM »
I am clean now for 204 days, over 6 months. This morning I am making a pasta salad, have to wash some dishes first. I am going to work on my car today, the tail lights are not working. All the other lights work. I hate working on my car.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: August 21, 2020, 02:53:49 AM »
I am clean now for 202 days. I have had perfect attendance at work now for almost 25 days. I feel pretty good, feel very good about quitting porn, feel good about myself, and am able to reach out to people and help them. If only I had done this while I was married. On the other hand circumstances make me the person that I am. I am about to go to work; Fridays are just 8 hour days. I will recieve a big check today, 12 hours overtime last week and 6 months ago I would have been looking forward to Friday night with cam girls and wasted half that money. Now I can spend on things that have value.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: August 18, 2020, 07:51:40 PM »
Thank you so much for the responses. I am clean now for 6 months and 17 days. I am no longer tempted to look at porn sites, they hold no interest for me. I am planning on going to Chili's with a friend on Saturday, really looking forward to a good drink and a good steak with french fries. This is my world now; working on lanterns, spending time with friends, good eating and good drinks.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: August 13, 2020, 01:27:20 AM »
I have been clean now for 6 months and 12 days. Thank you for the encouraging comments. I have not overdrafted my bank account since I began this journey. This means I have money for lanterns. I remember those nights laying awake stressed. One time I got drunk and went on a cam girl site and overdrafted my bank account by $600. I had no money to buy food for two weeks. I bought frozen dinners with a credit card. Those were some really bad days. I don't know what I was thinking. Last weekend I went to Wings Etc. with a friend. It was so nice to have the money to do that. It was fun, a Jack & Coke, chicken wings and fries, very tasty. My life now is entirely different (much better) than it was when I was addicted to porn. I enjoy simple pleasures so much more. I have not had an orgasm now for months and really don't miss it.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Exodus
« on: August 09, 2020, 06:38:34 AM »
I have been clean now for 6 months and 8 days. It is a great feeling. Zero urges to look at pornography. I am working on a lantern this morning, had a very hard time getting the valve out of the fount but it is loose now. I am waiting for it to cool before taking it all the way out and cleaning it.

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