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PIED - What Every Reboot Partner Needs to Know

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SO Reboot Partner:
(I wrote this sometimes satirical advice letter to myself. My husband (47) has PIED. We are an ordinary couple (think tall Hobbits) with an increasingly ordinary problem. We've been rebooting and rewiring for almost 9 months. Reading this helps me. I hope someone else can find a nugget or two of comfort as well.)

Hi Reboot Partner!

So you’ve had THE TALK or maybe you’re like me and suffered through years of a sexless marriage due to PIED. I know you’re looking for answers, anything that will make this all stop, to feel “normal” again.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret – You will never be normal again. You will be better.

Accepting “normal” got you here. Expecting an extraordinary life together is your ticket out. It is like getting super powers, only you don’t have to get dressed up or join some vigilante group.

When you make it through this, and you will, you will have a renewed sense of esteem and identity. Your lady-ness and beauty will not be defined by his erection. His identity and manly vigor will not be defined by his erection. You as a couple will stop viewing sex as an entitlement and more as an expression of your bond.

Another life lesson, yippee!  Let’s check our attitudes together.

You. Are. Glorious.

It is a real punch in the gut to know one’s forever-love prefers pixels and his own hand over a loving significant other’s warmth and affections. You might even blame yourself. Stop that noise right now.
Pphffth. Banish those thoughts. (Go ahead, make that “Pphffth” sound.)

Here’s the thing, it isn’t your waist, the size of your chest, your beautiful smile or your beguiling eyes that makes you glorious. You are glorious because you are real. You aren’t just a hole for passions. You live, therefore are more. That should be enough, but you might need some math to prove it out.

Fine. Grab your calculators.

A hand only has five fingers. You most like have twice that many fingers plus, a brain. Also toes, which are probably only fractions and still count. Now compare the total of your digits and toes to the number of fingers on his hand. The correct answer is: HAND<YOU. (That says HAND IS LESS THAN YOU)

Mathemagically you win, because this isn’t golf. In real life, the bigger number wins.

Your body is beautiful because it belongs to you. (As a “truth” it means his body is beautiful because it belongs to him, but we will get to more on that later.)

If you still feel responsible for his PMO, ask yourself this – Did he have a penis before he met you? Chances are probably quite good that he did. You didn’t discover his penis. He did.

Understand that he was best friends with his Willy before he ever met you.

Do all men masturbate? Yes, Virginia, I think they do.

A man and his Lil’ Buddy have been friends for a very long time, probably before you even knew him. They have camped and hiked together, won perfect attendance awards in school and probably got into mischief together.
They are never apart. They’re bro’s, or at least they used to be. This lifetime friendship is under some grievous stress right now.

Unfortunately, Lil’ Buddy has become a thrill-seeking reactionary that doesn’t have a brain, only the ability to register pleasure. Using P-frosted training biscuits of good-feeling  at’a boys, your partner has been led by the nose (maybe lower than that) into some conflicting life decisions. Lil’ Buddy and bad decision making have introduced cognitive dissonance into your relationship.

Your partner has been drawn into a vortex of disconnection and empty handed promises. Partner knows this, but Willy-boy keeps talking to him, saying everything is fine - this next little adventure will be the best one yet.  For a sometimes little guy, Lil’ Buddy is a big ol’ troublemaker. Not giving in to Buddy’s every whim is very difficult for your partner.

Cognitive dissonance is when two conflicting, opposing beliefs or ideas occupy the same brain. It’s like knowing that a real-life partner is better company, yet preferring PMO. For your partner, he might feel like Lil’ Buddy can’t be trusted, but still depends on him. It is a conflict of belief that your partner is dealing with because Lil’ Buddy has no brain to understand cognitive dissonance.

As the SO Reboot Partner you can fall victim to cognitive dissonance too. Upon discovering PMO as the functional/behavioral reason for his ED, I was thrilled! “Yay! He’s a P addict!”  AND I was humiliated. “What fresh hell is this - I’m married to a P addict?” Both conflicting ideas rattled round in my head, fighting for the same space like cats on a couch. There for awhile I felt like a crazy person, still do sometimes.

Make Decisions and Put Lil’ Buddy in the Backseat

The reboot process is a body-hack of the reward system and a way to regain control over that cognitive dissonance. “No More PMO!” Take away the fake junk reward and replace it with nutritious, real-live-lady reboot partner reward. Over time it WILL work.

Lil’ Buddy will not like this. While a penis has no nostrils or lungs, it will and can hold its breath and throw a hissy fit.  Guys on the forums call this “the flatline”. Personally, I know temper tantrums when I see them. Just like a crying toddler, it is difficult for your partner to ignore Lil. Buddy.

Lil’ Buddy will pretend like he is gone forever and will never return. This really bears on your partner’s mind, because he’s literally attached to the fella.

“Will he die? What if he dies? He can’t DIE! Maybe if I watch a few …” NO! Just like a toddler, Lil’ Buddy will catch his breath and learn he won’t get his way. DON’t Give IN! Sooner or later, he’ll come around and be friendly again. Lil’ Buddy isn’t running this show, you and your partner are.

While all this fit throwing is going on, you are both still probably paying a lot of attention to Lil’ Buddy, especially if one of your problems is ED. ED should stand for “extra dissonance” because everybody looks to the penis for validation. This dependence on Lil’ Buddy’s opinion causes problems.

As a lady, I have accepted the “normal” line that if my partner finds me attractive, he will have an erection. Of course that isn’t true, but it still causes problems. This is a really sneaky form of cognitive dissonance, because I already know for a fact that I am glorious (see step one). What am I doing allowing a delinquent like Lil’ Buddy determine how fabulous I am or how wonderful my partner is?

We don’t need no stinking erection to tell us how wonderful we are as couple! And yet, after years of ED, don’t think SUCCESS isn’t measured by erectile function. Oh Baby it is. We all want happy relationships. Sex isn't just the in-an-out, toe cracking pleasurable thing we do with our bodies or to make babies, it is an expression of a bond we have with each other.

Rebooting allows removes a lot of the noise in the relationship so you as a couple can focus and resolve these conflicts.

And this is where the relationship becomes extraordinary as you reboot. You as a couple start addressing all these conflicting thoughts and ideas about your sexual life together. You and he (and Lil' Buddy) becomes We again. You stop trying to deal with all the cognitive dissonance on your own.

Bibbity:
GENIUS!!! and also hilarious  ;D

SO Reboot Partner:

--- Quote from: Bibbity on May 02, 2014, 12:25:14 PM ---GENIUS!!! and also hilarious  ;D

--- End quote ---

Thank you Bibbity.  I have been conducting experiments on the correlation of weight and PMO use in men.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT?! Weight and "fitness" level have nothing to do with PMO use! This was a single-subject research design, so you know it has a lot of science to it.

My husband has a really large, fat ganglion cyst on one of his fingers. No matter how large this thing has gotten, he still did the PMO until he got the PIED!

If his hand can become so fat and deformed and still be a source of pleasure, then I think this is definitive proof that weight has NO CORRELATION with PMO use.

I rest my case for any other reboot partners out there that think they aren't pretty enough or "too fat" and that drove their husband or bf to PMO. The science is right there that says otherwise.

bzarfas:

--- Quote from: SO Reboot Partner on May 02, 2014, 06:47:00 PM ---
--- Quote from: Bibbity on May 02, 2014, 12:25:14 PM ---GENIUS!!! and also hilarious  ;D

--- End quote ---

Thank you Bibbity.  I have been conducting experiments on the correlation of weight and PMO use in men.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT?! Weight and "fitness" level have nothing to do with PMO use! This was a single-subject research design, so you know it has a lot of science to it.


--- End quote ---
While obesity might have nothing to do with PMO??(looking at porn, masturbating  to orgasm?, yeah fat guys do that too)

obesity has a lot to do with erections, if you don't get morning errections, I'd work on the fitness level/diet, etc  There are at least 2 forums dedicated to men who have ED and many  are obese with low tesostrone/high estradiol. and other issues
I'm not trying to suckthe wind out of your sails, I'm just letting you know the science.

SO Reboot Partner:

--- Quote from: bzarfas on May 17, 2014, 03:10:51 PM ---
--- Quote from: SO Reboot Partner on May 02, 2014, 06:47:00 PM ---
--- Quote from: Bibbity on May 02, 2014, 12:25:14 PM ---GENIUS!!! and also hilarious  ;D

--- End quote ---

Thank you Bibbity.  I have been conducting experiments on the correlation of weight and PMO use in men.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT?! Weight and "fitness" level have nothing to do with PMO use! This was a single-subject research design, so you know it has a lot of science to it.


--- End quote ---
While obesity might have nothing to do with PMO??(looking at porn, masturbating  to orgasm?, yeah fat guys do that too)

obesity has a lot to do with erections, if you don't get morning errections, I'd work on the fitness level/diet, etc  There are at least 2 forums dedicated to men who have ED and many  are obese with low tesostrone/high estradiol. and other issues
I'm not trying to suckthe wind out of your sails, I'm just letting you know the science.

--- End quote ---

Hey Bzarfas,

Maybe it wasn't clear here, but some men will blame their wife/gf fitness on why they can't perform so to speak. That was kinda the point, not his fitness level.

No wind was missed from the sails.

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