raven song
Active Member
Okay, my partner and I went to an EFT therapist for the first time to try it out and it was bizarre. This is about the therapist - not EFT - I'm sure.
Bizarre Boundary setting experience with an EFT therapist
- Thread starter raven song
- Start date
GOOD FOR YOU for putting an end to therapy with her. You should NEVER feel rushed to go faster than you are comfortable with. And "side conversations?" you said that right in front of her and you were being courteous to allow your SO to talk first, so I don't know what her issue with that was.
DO NOT PAY HER. She can't enforce the cancellation policy when she rushed you into setting an appointment that was less than 48 hours away.
If she tries to bill you for it, contact your state/territory/province licensing board that she got her license from and report what happened. Guaranteed you won't have to pay and her practices will be reviewed.
You were NOT dealing with a life-threatening situation, there was no reason to force three appointments in one week. ANY good therapist knows that you need enough time in between each session to allow for things to sink in and new habits to be practiced.
And what if he only used once in a year and you're upset about it? It's not the number of times, it's how you are feeling and it doesn't matter if you are 50 pounds overweight, 10 pounds underweight, or are at a perfect weight. Geez. Glad you got away from her.
Exercise your rights and do NOT pay this person. She did nothing for you and frankly should refund the money for the session you already had since neither of you got anything from it.
Good luck..
DO NOT PAY HER. She can't enforce the cancellation policy when she rushed you into setting an appointment that was less than 48 hours away.
If she tries to bill you for it, contact your state/territory/province licensing board that she got her license from and report what happened. Guaranteed you won't have to pay and her practices will be reviewed.
You were NOT dealing with a life-threatening situation, there was no reason to force three appointments in one week. ANY good therapist knows that you need enough time in between each session to allow for things to sink in and new habits to be practiced.
And what if he only used once in a year and you're upset about it? It's not the number of times, it's how you are feeling and it doesn't matter if you are 50 pounds overweight, 10 pounds underweight, or are at a perfect weight. Geez. Glad you got away from her.
Exercise your rights and do NOT pay this person. She did nothing for you and frankly should refund the money for the session you already had since neither of you got anything from it.
Good luck..
If you haven't already sent your follow-up email, point out that you only agreed under duress from her to the three appointments, and your intention was to see if she was going to be a good fit for you and your SO, and that she is clearly not, and you are exercising your right to seek help elsewhere. Truly, without a life-threatening situation, there is no reason to create such a highly emotionally charged sense of urgency. She may be feeling the urgent need to fatten her wallet, but a crisis like this deserves a gentle, unhurried touch where one can feel safe to begin the process.
Happy to help.
Happy to help.
aquarius25
Respected Member
I agree with Maria, that sounds like a nightmare! Do not pay her! You have a great attitude about it though, keep it up!
raven song
Active Member
Thanks Aquarius for cheerleading me on! I REALLY need it right now and it is soooo greatly appreciated!
AnonymousAnnaXO
Active Member
That is complete BS and totally not what EFT should be like. When me and my husband started EFT my husband and I could look at each other and talk to each other to figure out what we wanted to discuss. We also were never rushed, in fact it's been a slower process than I expected. When looking for EFT therapists, make sure they are aware of addiction and have worked with addiction, and ask if they know about Betrayal Trauma.
EFT should feel safe and well paced. The therapist should remain neutral and not take sides. In EFT our therapist basically has made each of us aware of how each impacts the other, never taking sides but making us aware of how our behavior or body language impacts the other. The goal is to be more aware of yourself and the way you communicate (consciously or unconsciously) with your partner and be able to identify any negative communication cycles so you guys can work towards healthy communication cycles.
EFT should feel safe and well paced. The therapist should remain neutral and not take sides. In EFT our therapist basically has made each of us aware of how each impacts the other, never taking sides but making us aware of how our behavior or body language impacts the other. The goal is to be more aware of yourself and the way you communicate (consciously or unconsciously) with your partner and be able to identify any negative communication cycles so you guys can work towards healthy communication cycles.
raven song
Active Member
Thank you Gracie and Anna for your feedback and support!!
Anna, thank you so much for sharing your EFT experience! I figured this bad experience had everything to do with the therapist and nothing to do with EFT. In fact, I felt like she used her EFT training in a very invasive manner, pointing out my mannerisms and asking me what they were about. Wow, in hindsight - it felt quite abusive and invasive.
I will give it another go with another therapist and this time I will give myself plenty of time to sit with my experience with the therapist before scheduling another appointment.
Anna, thank you so much for sharing your EFT experience! I figured this bad experience had everything to do with the therapist and nothing to do with EFT. In fact, I felt like she used her EFT training in a very invasive manner, pointing out my mannerisms and asking me what they were about. Wow, in hindsight - it felt quite abusive and invasive.
I will give it another go with another therapist and this time I will give myself plenty of time to sit with my experience with the therapist before scheduling another appointment.
Frankly, I would take a HARD LINE with her and tell her that you will NOT be paying her for the missed appointment as her very own policies and pressure tactics made it impossible for you to schedule within your own volition and subsequently cancel said appointment. Tell her that if she chooses to pursue repayment, that you will be notifying her licensing board of the exact chain of events, her undue pressure on you and your SO to schedule 3 more appointments sooner than you were comfortable with, and that you will wait for the board's decision on whether or not you must pay.
It can be just as short and simple as I wrote. It is better to make your point succinctly to prevent her from exploiting any loopholes in your reasoning.
So send this off and relax. You DIDN'T get what you needed, therefore there is nothing to pay for. Let those who are charged with protecting the interest of the public (the licensing board, who are made up of non-partial, non-licensed folks) decide the best course of action. This is no different than reporting unfair business practices to the Better Business Bureau.
GOOD LUCK!
It can be just as short and simple as I wrote. It is better to make your point succinctly to prevent her from exploiting any loopholes in your reasoning.
So send this off and relax. You DIDN'T get what you needed, therefore there is nothing to pay for. Let those who are charged with protecting the interest of the public (the licensing board, who are made up of non-partial, non-licensed folks) decide the best course of action. This is no different than reporting unfair business practices to the Better Business Bureau.
GOOD LUCK!
Emerald Blue
Well-Known Member
If you don't feel comfortable with any therapist then don't continue. Therapists are supposed to probe and challenge, but in a healthy way that supports your recovery as individuals and as a couple. In my country there are professional codes of conduct for registered psychotherapists and counsellors and recognised qualifications, but there are still plenty of unregulated people setting themselves up as 'life coaches' and all sorts, so it's worth researching what kind of therapist you think you'd benefit most from. Having said that, I'm sure there are some very good 'coaches' that specialise in porn and sex addiction and some highly qualified relationship therapists who wouldn't have a clue. Whoever you see, it has to feel right for you.
Body image issues. What can I say? Lol! I'm not overweight in the slightest but I know that the effects of being in a relationship with a porn addict can devastate a woman's self image. Sometimes it can manifest in poor eating habits as a symptom of depression and low self esteem, and part of our recovery can mean we have to respect and nurture ourselves but that's not necessarily anything to do with weight. Sure, sugar is habit forming and there is such a thing as emotional eating, and yes, food stimulates the same pleasure and reward pathways in the brain in a similar way that porn does for porn addicts. Yes, these CAN be issues and they can happen for many reasons. But you can have these problems if you're a big girl or a skinny Minnie. I think it was wrong of the therapist to make these comments in the absence of establishing YOUR truth. Suppose your weight gain was due to medication or a thyroid problem, for example? Suppose you never touched sugary foods? She didn't know. I don't get this fixation with weight anyway. Physical health is more important than the numbers on the scale. If you can go hiking and backpacking, chances are you're physically fit. A healthy body is the ideal body, regardless of size.
Many people find that it's not easy to find a relationship counsellor who is also aware of porn and sex addiction. Your ideal therapist should be trained in porn/sex addiction as well as couples counselling. Taking a more balanced view, it's true that therapists see a wide range of couples, some of whom can mutually accept porn in their marriage. And that's fine if it works for both partners and both are accepting its presence, and not a case of one being pressurised into going along with it any he's in reality they don't care for it at all. Many partners of porn addicts have tolerated porn or agreed to it only to regret it later on when their partner is more interested in what's on the screen that the person they're having sex with or who wants to act out porn scenes that their spouse isn't into. Eventually we all end up in the same place ? as partners of porn addicts. If porn is a problem in the relationship, then it's a problem. Simple as that.
I would also add that porn can mask pre existing problems in the relationship AND it creates a whole lot more. So it's a complex problem that requires expert help.
Body image issues. What can I say? Lol! I'm not overweight in the slightest but I know that the effects of being in a relationship with a porn addict can devastate a woman's self image. Sometimes it can manifest in poor eating habits as a symptom of depression and low self esteem, and part of our recovery can mean we have to respect and nurture ourselves but that's not necessarily anything to do with weight. Sure, sugar is habit forming and there is such a thing as emotional eating, and yes, food stimulates the same pleasure and reward pathways in the brain in a similar way that porn does for porn addicts. Yes, these CAN be issues and they can happen for many reasons. But you can have these problems if you're a big girl or a skinny Minnie. I think it was wrong of the therapist to make these comments in the absence of establishing YOUR truth. Suppose your weight gain was due to medication or a thyroid problem, for example? Suppose you never touched sugary foods? She didn't know. I don't get this fixation with weight anyway. Physical health is more important than the numbers on the scale. If you can go hiking and backpacking, chances are you're physically fit. A healthy body is the ideal body, regardless of size.
Many people find that it's not easy to find a relationship counsellor who is also aware of porn and sex addiction. Your ideal therapist should be trained in porn/sex addiction as well as couples counselling. Taking a more balanced view, it's true that therapists see a wide range of couples, some of whom can mutually accept porn in their marriage. And that's fine if it works for both partners and both are accepting its presence, and not a case of one being pressurised into going along with it any he's in reality they don't care for it at all. Many partners of porn addicts have tolerated porn or agreed to it only to regret it later on when their partner is more interested in what's on the screen that the person they're having sex with or who wants to act out porn scenes that their spouse isn't into. Eventually we all end up in the same place ? as partners of porn addicts. If porn is a problem in the relationship, then it's a problem. Simple as that.
I would also add that porn can mask pre existing problems in the relationship AND it creates a whole lot more. So it's a complex problem that requires expert help.