midlife-survivor
Member
Hi,
Im new here and I'm starting my reboot today.
Why am I here?
I am nearly 32 years old, married and currently no kids but trying. I am here to start afresh.
Too long have I rotted my time with a PVO fuelled life, minutes, hours, days, years - it all adds up and what I accomplished? Not a lot, I blame my addiction for many reasons and problems I have gone through in recent years, some of which being unhappiness, depression, acting out and causing others hurt, problems at work, lack of sleep and so on..
How did I get here?
I first discovered PVO in a tree I was climbing when I was 14. I was rather intrigued to find a stash of mags of naked women - this was my secret and told no one about what I had found. My brothers used to read mens magazine such as FHM which had semi-naked pictures of women in and at the age of 15 I liked what I saw, I dug deeper into bags of thrown out newspapers in the garage that were waiting to be recycled - I found a copy of the 'Daily Sport' - full blown nakedness - I remember cutting out the pictures and keeping them for experimenting with (FAP).
In 1998 we got the internet which was AWESOME, this was 56k dial up! Again I read my brothers FHM magazine and saw a picture in the back of a Softcore American model who will remain nameless. Needless to say I found her pictures very hot and moved onto looking at similar Softcore PVO.
Following this, I found my way into Lesbian PVO which really got me off and I was like "What could be better than this?", I didn't realise what could top that!!
Upon browsing various thumbnail galleries I stumbled upon a hardcore photo and I was taken back, nothing I had previously barely touched the emotion I felt after seeing this. I was hooked!!
Jumping ahead after several expensive dialup phone bills and annoyed parents broadband entered the arena and the world would never be the same again! 14 years later (yes you heard me) I am still struggling with this painful addiction that has caused some very hard times for me that I do not wish to talk about as its very painful and now in the past.
I have tried on countless occasions to quit and have previously gone 18 days without PVO before falling off the wagon again.
I find the trouble with PVO is that there is always a prettier woman, they seem to know what fuels men's desires and they get it right every time!
My addiction process
Why have I failed before?
I work in IT and know how to get around pretty much anything, so if I have previously installed a filter or accountability application, I've found a way to counteract that undetected. Secondly I think I am weak and this has always been my downfall whilst dealing with this addiction.
Whats next?
I plan to use this forum as a resource and hope for your support and encouragement whilst I attempt to win his never-ending battle of lust. I am a Christian regardless of your views and opinions I truly believe that there is some demonic power that fuels PVO and each time you contribute to your addiction that darkness takes more control of you. In my opinion when I have attempted to reboot in the past I have found that life becomes real tough - I truly believe this darkness contributes to making your life hell whilst detoxing and as you stop watching PVO the demon of lust "Asmodeus" is gathering its friends and takes control of you - this is the point where you give in and get back into that PVO process again.
Every time that you are tempted with an impure thought or desire, look past the allurement and see the evil.
That's all for now. Thanks for reading
Im new here and I'm starting my reboot today.
Why am I here?
I am nearly 32 years old, married and currently no kids but trying. I am here to start afresh.
Too long have I rotted my time with a PVO fuelled life, minutes, hours, days, years - it all adds up and what I accomplished? Not a lot, I blame my addiction for many reasons and problems I have gone through in recent years, some of which being unhappiness, depression, acting out and causing others hurt, problems at work, lack of sleep and so on..
How did I get here?
I first discovered PVO in a tree I was climbing when I was 14. I was rather intrigued to find a stash of mags of naked women - this was my secret and told no one about what I had found. My brothers used to read mens magazine such as FHM which had semi-naked pictures of women in and at the age of 15 I liked what I saw, I dug deeper into bags of thrown out newspapers in the garage that were waiting to be recycled - I found a copy of the 'Daily Sport' - full blown nakedness - I remember cutting out the pictures and keeping them for experimenting with (FAP).
In 1998 we got the internet which was AWESOME, this was 56k dial up! Again I read my brothers FHM magazine and saw a picture in the back of a Softcore American model who will remain nameless. Needless to say I found her pictures very hot and moved onto looking at similar Softcore PVO.
Following this, I found my way into Lesbian PVO which really got me off and I was like "What could be better than this?", I didn't realise what could top that!!
Upon browsing various thumbnail galleries I stumbled upon a hardcore photo and I was taken back, nothing I had previously barely touched the emotion I felt after seeing this. I was hooked!!
Jumping ahead after several expensive dialup phone bills and annoyed parents broadband entered the arena and the world would never be the same again! 14 years later (yes you heard me) I am still struggling with this painful addiction that has caused some very hard times for me that I do not wish to talk about as its very painful and now in the past.
I have tried on countless occasions to quit and have previously gone 18 days without PVO before falling off the wagon again.
I find the trouble with PVO is that there is always a prettier woman, they seem to know what fuels men's desires and they get it right every time!
My addiction process
- Addiction to porn and masturbation - those two go hand in hand *no pun intended*.
- Addiction to caffeine
- Addiction to eating
Why have I failed before?
I work in IT and know how to get around pretty much anything, so if I have previously installed a filter or accountability application, I've found a way to counteract that undetected. Secondly I think I am weak and this has always been my downfall whilst dealing with this addiction.
Whats next?
I plan to use this forum as a resource and hope for your support and encouragement whilst I attempt to win his never-ending battle of lust. I am a Christian regardless of your views and opinions I truly believe that there is some demonic power that fuels PVO and each time you contribute to your addiction that darkness takes more control of you. In my opinion when I have attempted to reboot in the past I have found that life becomes real tough - I truly believe this darkness contributes to making your life hell whilst detoxing and as you stop watching PVO the demon of lust "Asmodeus" is gathering its friends and takes control of you - this is the point where you give in and get back into that PVO process again.
Every time that you are tempted with an impure thought or desire, look past the allurement and see the evil.
That's all for now. Thanks for reading
