Time for a change

Hello. I?m a 41yo married man with an incredible 7yo son. I?ve been with my wife for 18 years, but only married for the past 4. My porn addiction has been present since I was an adolescent, but became much stronger in my 20?s when the internet became more prevalent. With the escalation of of online porn, so did my addiction. I was unfaithful to my wife 2 years ago. We love each other very much and she was willing to work through our relationship. But my porn addiction has still escalated in that time, from Internet porn to pay cam sites. I now realize that the the root of my problem is this addiction. I had very little interest in actual real life intimacy for years. I have massive motivational and productivity problems, both at home and work. I need to bring myself back to a productive, engaged and caring member of my family. My wife knows about the porn use now and is supportive in my attempt to change. This is my first attempt in over 20 years of porn use that I have attempted to stop and I am great full that I have found a supportive community so early on. I am on day 3. This seems harder than I ever expected

I?m really looking for as much support as possible, and I?m hoping to be able to offer it back. This is new territory for me. And having people to lean on will be what makes this possible

Day 1. It was so easy to fail. I knew My wife would find out immediately and it didn?t matter. I never realized this was such a powerful addiction. I feel defeat and worthless. I hurt people I love without hesitation. I?m not sure I can save this. But I want to try so bad

You probably can't see it from your vantage point but you have already made a huge stride toward life improvement friend.  Making this commitment is a big deal, and congratulations to you for doing it.  Regather the thoughts and keep going again-there will be some rough spots along the way no doubt!  Recommend that you read Your Brain On porn (book, online, video) to get a grasp of the neuroscience behind the thing-that is useful information in approaching the battle.  It is okay to be disappointed in yourself but let it stay there; despondency and so forth is of no use and is not an accurate picture of your efforts. Your sincerity is obvious, and I think you are in this for real.  Let's focus on the rest of today and prep for tomorrow! 

Thank you Jixu. I was on the YBOP website and will definitely read the book.

I have 3 days as well.  My story is very similar to yours.  Except my wife does not know. I can't bring myself to discuss it with her.  I'm happy to hear that you can speak to your wife about this...I'm trying to get there.

Please don't PMO today...it's not worth it. We both know it isn't.  Withdrawl is very difficult but it's not impossible to get through.

Thank you for posting.

Thanks 3rd. It not easy to talk to my wife and I haven?t been 100percent truthful yet. I need to get there tho. I think tonight I will talk to her more. She was very upset with me this morning. I used a pay cam site last night and she saw the cc charge. I was deleting my account and instead I spent money. I did delete the account afterwards tho. The cam sites are a new escalation for me. And the rush seems much more. I do recognize my problem now, and know that it?s been here a long time

I can identify with going to delete an account only to end up PMO. The rationalizing kicks in "this will be the LAST time, one more etc" it only leads to giving up and giving in.

Recently I had about 7 or 8 days and a simple trigger of a social media thirst trap got me obsessed and I broke down, binged and now I have 3 days.

I'm trying to be much more careful. Awareness is the key.

You can do this. Day by day or moment by moment if that is what it takes.

The book "Your Brain on Porn" will explain why it is so hard to quit porn. You have to deny it for months before the temptation goes away. The good thing is that the longer you don't use it the easier it become. A week or two weeks of no porn becomes the biggest temptation as your brain withdraws from regular dopamine injections. After that it was a little easier for me every week. Another problem you run into is triggers. You have a very hard day at work or you have a fight with your wife or an argument with someone it is so easy to turn to the cam sites. I was addicted to cam sites as well. One time I spent $600 in one night and woke up to go get groceries. When I went to pay for my groceries my debit card was denied. I had a little room on one credit card and bought $18 worth of frozen dinners to eat that week; otherwise I would not have had food to eat. I am 7 months and some days free from porn now. You can do this. One day at a time, the days will pile up. THe advantage you have that I did not is a wife to help you. You have to keep in mind that even though you look at porn once in a while you are still not looking at it as much as you did so you will gradually get better, longer times in between your failure. I would suggest putting a day counnter app on your phone, keep track of how long you are clean and then never give up; if you fail simply get up, start the day counter over. I would suggest a goal of 90 days; once you hit that goal set a goal for 6 months. I hope things go well with you, I am cheering you on.