Is a 43 year addiction even possible to break?

Yeah, 43 years an addict.  Can't beleive it.  I'm 56 and I've had this monkey on my back since I was 13.  It actually started a couple of years before that when I would clip magazine pictures of girls and hide them under my mattress.  But I didn't start using actual porn and masturbate until 13.

I'm married to a wonderful wife, 3 grown kids, professionally successful, and untolerably tired and conflicted.  From 13 to 28, this was just a fun hobby.  At 28, I became a Christian and tried to stop .... literally hundreds of times.

So from age 28 to 56, half my life now, I've struggled with the one to two week cycle of white-knuckles, relapse, shame, rinse, repeat.  It's really horrible and I'm a fraud.  Although I'm super blessed, I know that I've already missed a lot that life has to offer for me and my family.  When I first tried to quit at 28, I think I made it about a month.  But apart from that time, the longest I've lasted is around 2 weeks.  If anything, this addiction has gotten worse over the years, and these days, I can't seem to make it more than a day or so.  No one else knows about this, but still I'm embarrassed.  It takes so much energy to function and I'm pretty much at my breaking point.

So I'm not sure what the point of this post is ... Maybe just to ask if anyone has heard of recovery after such a long addiction.  In fact, I'm not sure I'm RE-covering, because that implies that I'm returning to a condition of normalcy.  And since this started more than 43 years ago at such a young age, I never really had a normal sexual mindset.

I am trying to quit yet again and today is Day Zero.  I'm afraid to announce this to even myself because I've been here so many times and failed.  I plan to pray, avoid triggers, and stay upbeat.  But I really don't know why this time will be different.  But giving in without a fight is not an option. I guess that's it. 

Hi 43,
Sure it is. I've heard plenty of such stories. Do you know the 'porn free radio' podcast? i'd recommend giving it a listen. Lots of good tips.

43YearsAnAddict said:

I plan to pray, avoid triggers, and stay upbeat.  But I really don't know why this time will be different.  But giving in without a fight is not an option. I guess that's it. 

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Yeh, the above isn't going to work really. It's the same thing you've tried before. Listen to some no-porn content, get some ideas about what you're going to do that's new, and witness your life change. And be inspired by all the success stories you'll hear along the way

Peace

Oh man are you checking all kinds of boxes my man:
? Long history of addiction (the younger you are the more it skews your view of what sexuality and intimacy really are)
? Shame (watch porn, feel shame, watch porn because shame makes you feel like shit and so the cycle goes)
? White-knuckled and prayed and hoped and still going back to it

Join the club bud! Here's the thing though. Doesn't matter how young you were when you started because when you start to really kick it you will experience connection and intimacy that will expose porn for the fraud that it is.

When you realize that shame and secrets just keep the cycle going then you can take ownership of your actions and see porn for what it is: a distraction from something else that became a pattern in your brain.

And finally, when you realize how much of an ingrained pattern porn is in the actual functioning of your brain, then you will realize that it will take more than just prayer and hope. You've got to go to work! You've got to read about why your brain seeks this stuff out and find ways to cope with things in a better way. Therapy, books, knowledge are your tools. Being positive is important too don't get me wrong, but when you start down the path armed with those other things, the positivity comes naturally by how good it feels to connect on a real level.

There are some incredible guys on here, with a lot of great insight and tools that they can share with you. You are here which means you've already started. Now it's time to get to work and come out the other side a better, happier person. We're here for you!

Thanks for the responses, guys.  Day 2 and all is well, but I'm at the beginning of a cycle! 

Yes, I'm listening to some porn podcasts, which seem useful.

I'm also realizing for the first time that I can sense the moment just before going down the PMO route REALLY early in the process.  There seems to possibly be a few seconds after I'm triggered where I may be able to choose whether to entertain the thought, or cast it aside.

I DO know with great certainty that if I entertain the thought of looking at porn, the seed is planted and it's just a matter of time (usually minutes or hours) before I lose control.

So in addition to immersing myself in the podcasts, praying, spending time on this site, etc ... I plan to monitor my thoughts to identify the initial moment that my brain is triggered ... with the goal of developing a reflexive action to cast the thought aside and clear my brain, as God for relief, something.  I hope I can find the right thing for my brain to jump to while the moment passes.

Day 2 was manageable, but I did have to stop my thoughts 4 or 5 times ... And the frequency of these triggered thoughts are going to increase as more time goes by since I PMO'd.

Any of this make sense?

Peace!

Yep, it's the beginning of a long journey alright

That all sounds great, a lot of good self-awareness too. Great to have a plan, and tinker with it every time we hit a snag. Look forward to hearing about your progress!

Always nice to see another person making a commitment to improve their life.  You have made a wise decision-looking forward to following your journey to cleanness-take care! 

Hey 43, welcome and you are not alone! You are among like minded spirits here!

If i may suggest; please read the post of a guy called UKGuy in the 'succes stories' section; http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=18700.0 He shares a great many tips and tricks that can help you beat this addiction.

Please keep on sharing your journey here and read some of the other threads on here, it will help you in feeling less alone as well as learning things that can help you.


Good luck and stay safe

Joining this community shows your commitment to the process. Others still live in denial. I think joining a community like this is the first step. We can't quit this alone.

It's never too late to change because you still have days left. And the thing is like this: Do you want to complete the rest of your days addicted to porn? Do you want to live the rest of your days free of porn? I think it's clear which one is better. The past is past and can't be changed. Thinking about the wasted years, the lost opportunities etc. won't bring the years back. We live in the present. Live for today and tomorrow will be for tomorrow. Don't waste the next years thinking about the lost years. Okay, you've been addicted for 43 years, don't be addicted for the next 20-30-40 years or how many you will live. Stick to the process and it will pay off.

It's difficult, but it's not impossible. It's always better to see other people making a commitment to improving their life.  You have made a wise decision-looking forward to following your journey to cleanness-tc!

Day 7:  OK.  So today was the first really difficult day. 

I know intellecually that after a week of no PMO that I am more creative, happier, and energetic ... and I have an urge to give it all away to the addiction.  Really stupid stuff.

I appreciate the linke from ShadeTrenicin, and the encouragement from Icandoit was perfect!

So I'm continuing my strategy to:
1) Recognize when I'm triggered
2) Push it out of my mind instantly
3) Focus intently on something positive, usually by appreciation for God.
4) Wait for the moment to pass ... It takes a minute or so sometimes

But if I give into thinking about what I'm "missing" by PMO'ing for even a few seconds, I've lost the battle and will give in.

So far, it's been manageable, but as my energy level increases, so will my desire to quench it.  I don't know how else to describe it.

Interested and excited to see what happens next ...

Thanks for the support !!!

-43

That's great you've got the motivation to put PMO out of your mind, I'm glad you're getting the support you need, sorry if it's been difficult for you, I hope your progress continues, just remember that P can be anything that distracts you from meeting your needs, once you can help yourself, you can help others. Good luck.

That's an interesting definition of P, Georgos ... I agree !!

Hey 43 Years

      I was a 33 year long addict  from roughly age 13 on  I am now 49 and have essentially kicked the habit  and really improved my outlook on life as well as my production levels  I have lost 40 lbs  became more physically fit  and dug far deeper into my hobbies than ever before    Its time to take stock  make lists of whats good in your life  and what makes you head for porn.  Start looking for patterns and ways to break those patterns.  I made my recovery multi faceted  I wanted so much more of life  than just to be porn free so I began learning all I could about healthy nutrition  exercise weight loss  there by giving me something to watch  or read other than porn.  This led me to deciding  to see how far I could go without eating fast food(also allowed me to save money)  I slowly became more effective at my job  which helped me build some confidence to try other things.  Finally I jumped full force into pursuing my hobby  and passion of playing music.  Again making me feel so much more like a man

      Like I say take stock  and decide what you want  out of life

    cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you