Journals > Ages 20-29

I believe everything is going to be okay-Journal 2021

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Day 20:
Fairly easy day, had more urges compared to yesterday but nothing out of control. Looked at a women and though she was cute(in a good way).

That's awesome bro! Keep up the streak.

Day 21:
Another easy day, but I did touch myself and had an erection. Stress and urges make it harder to keep things under control, but they go away pretty quickly.

Day 22 and 23 : These days were probably setting up for Day 24, I continued to control my urges but couldn't, I didn't PMO but mentally I knew it was coming. Also I noticed weekends have higher chances of PMO'ing than other days.

Day 24: I MO'ed today, I had a weird dream and the day continue to be okay. I was also looking about something related to penis, which was a bad move. As I went into shower and started cleaning my private parts, then I masturbated with no lubrication. This not only gave me 2-3 rashes on the PP head but I feel bad and disappointed with myself. I feel like more I touch my private parts more is the urge, I knew this and everyone knows this. But I'm not sure why I feel hurting myself this way. This is the second time I did this to myself.

The physical damage I'm doing goes away but unknowingly I'm creating a new path for pleasure. My brain already is aware of this and I do not want to go down this lane. I feel really scared, nervous, and holding back my emotions. I feel like I might cry by the time I finish writing this journal today.

My brain feel way more powerful than my will power. I feel different, like I don't know what to do and how to feel about all this. I'm questioning myself Am I the same person who started the journal with the name ' I believe everything is going to be okay'.

I had no urges to open porn or think about it, but couldn't keep myself away from touching and thinking about my own body.  I will keep a strict rule of not playing with my body or need to consonantly cleaning my penis. If I keep these in check I should be good.

I really thank this forum to let me express myself and let me discuss my problems. Without this I would have just spiralled around the internet for help.

Hey man, its really common to feel the way you are feeling especially around the 1 month mark.

Withdrawal symptoms have started to kick in: your lower brain is crying for some dopamine while your upper brain and prefrontal cortex is weakening. The important thing to remember though is that no matter how much you "feel" like you want it, you know you can't indulge those feelings. Your prefrontal cortex will prevail so long as you maintain it and your motivation. I would recommend 2 things: reading your old journal entries and also meditating. These two activities "clear" the head, especially meditating, and will help you think straight and clearly rather than through your urges/the way your body feels.


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