Journals > Ages 30-39

Reboot Journal

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Pdub:

--- Quote ---Seeing my daughter come into this world, and knowing I'm responsible for her and my beautiful partner...changed me. coming to the cold hard truth of how I've wasted a lot of my youth wanking over a screen, escaping my bullshit missing out on all of the amazing things life can offer - changed me. And there's no one else to blame but myself.
--- End quote ---

Man I can relate to that.  Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had I not ever gotten into porn.  Had I had a steady girlfriend in high school? Would I have not gotten into smoking cannabis? I kick myself a lot even though I'm doing relatively ok, kind of like your situation.

Congrats on your 20 days! That's huge! You sound like you have a lot of reasons to keep going with it.  Reminding oneself about those reasons helps a lot in recovery.

Jimmyjazz:
Congratulation for you decision, I have a daughter and I can really understand what do you mean when you say that she changed you.
Recently I have read this into a book (I try to translate at my best): having a son it's not always wonderful as you see in movies but it remember you that despite your life is a mess and you are losing control there is always someone for which you can make the difference.

Aussie_85:

--- Quote from: Pdub on January 18, 2021, 01:35:35 PM ---

Man I can relate to that.  Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had I not ever gotten into porn.  Had I had a steady girlfriend in high school? Would I have not gotten into smoking cannabis? I kick myself a lot even though I'm doing relatively ok, kind of like your situation.

Congrats on your 20 days! That's huge! You sound like you have a lot of reasons to keep going with it.  Reminding oneself about those reasons helps a lot in recovery.

--- End quote ---

Hey Pdub thanks for the reply man,

It's hard not to wonder what life would be like had we not gone down the path of porn addiction. I'm lucky because I've ended up back with my first girlfriend from when i was 16! Best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm atheist but i do believe some things happen for a reason. It's also lucky that we are both in a good situation in other areas of life, it's going to be a hell of a lot easier for me this time around rebooting with a supportive partner who knows about my porn addiction, a nice house - financially secure. As i said in my inital post just 6 short years ago i literally had nothing but my small bedroom at my parents place.

I can say that without a doubt the most important part of having a happy fulfilling life is to be content with ourselves, I've never had it - always just found most things in my life to be boring or a hassle. Sensitization from 2 decades of porn use ( a decade of extreme use) is the cause, and I'm extremely grateful i have the opportunity to have gained the knowledge of the science behind why I'm like this. I could win 10 million on lotto, yeah it'd be awesome - but would i really be able to enjoy it they way i should be able to with my jacked up brain? No.

Thanks again man and good luck on your journey.

Aussie_85:

--- Quote from: Jimmyjazz on January 18, 2021, 03:04:55 PM ---Congratulation for you decision, I have a daughter and I can really understand what do you mean when you say that she changed you.
Recently I have read this into a book (I try to translate at my best): having a son it's not always wonderful as you see in movies but it remember you that despite your life is a mess and you are losing control there is always someone for which you can make the difference.

--- End quote ---

hey mate thanks for the post.

Aussie_85:
Day: 21

I'm starting to notice some withdrawal symptoms over the past week, increased anxiety, worsening depressed moods, irritability, worsening insomnia, spaced out kind of foggy feeling, penis has gone into hiding - shrivelled. Not as bad as my 94 day streak but I'm preparing myself for it to get worse. My sleep hasn't been good for years now, due to working full time night shift 6 days a week for 3 years - not sure if porn has affected my sleep much, probably has. My routine would be get home from work at 7:00 am - wait until my girlfriend left for work, fap until around lunchtime - sleep until 9:00 pm and repeat.

With a newborn it takes sleep deprivation to a whole new level...it's awesome though I'm loving it. I have some renovation work to finish at our place over the next few weeks before i start working again so I'll be busy which is great for a rebooting brain. I plan on getting back into healthy eating and fitness training soon as well, I've let myself go over the past few years.

I know everyone has a different way of dealing with "nofap/ Rebooting" but i believe my mistake last time was trying to do to much to soon, setting to many goals while withdrawing. Going to hard to soon is just going to raise stress even more so it's about finding that balance of making improvements over time and limiting idle/alone time as much as possible, again easy for me now with a partner and baby!

not much else to report, keep going strong guys.

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