Journals > Ages 30-39

Reboot Journal

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Hey guys thanks for the posts and support!

Since my last post unfortunately things have gotten worse, relationship wise. forget about quitting porn at the moment...and i know that sounds like defeatism but it's not - i will quit porn, when i have some sense of peace in my life.

My girlfriend has completely lost her shit, she's going crazy. Blames me for everything, even makes things up example:

 Her "Your lazy"

Me " Not sure why you would think that, I've cooked dinner, , the pool, mowed the lawns, fed and walked the dog, fed the cats, changed the kitty litter, went to the supermarket, cleaned the kitchen - sprayed the weeds in the backyard...I've literally been busy all day, so how do you justify calling me lazy?

Her Your an asshole. I hate you, I want you to leave. (crying starts) I do everything for you....your a piece of shit - I'm not attracted to you anymore, your a bad father, you don't care about your daughter."

Me "where's this coming from? why would you say that, I've done nothing wrong?"

Then another bombardment ensues, cutting me down until she breaks me and i go and sit in the bathroom regretting ever being with this woman and having this nightmarish screaming baby with her. Then i feel even worse about regretting my daughter, i love her - she's just very difficult.

She's literally making up lies about me in her head, justifying them - then taking out her anger on me.

Before we started trying for a baby, i sat her down and had a big conversation with her, a serious one. I said this is going to be hard, we already fight a lot and sometimes it seems like you don't love me/ want to be with me....are you SURE this is what you want - yes.

I now no longer want to be with her (obviously) but I'm trapped. She barely lasted 2 months before having a complete melt down..pathetic.weak. I still love and care about her, and the thought of leaving her is terrible...she'd break down. As i type this my daughter is constantly screaming in my ear while my girlfriend sleeps. its 5:21 am. i have to be up in 3 hours to go and have some bullshit family day where I'm supposed to fake being all happy.

I dont know what to do.

I wish I had the answers for you...
But I don't...

Maybe a break from her or something might be beneficial ... time for you to work on your porn addiction...


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