The Final Cut

Hi, all. I'm 30 years old and my story isn't that different than most of people here or on other forums. I started masturbating at 8, discovered porn at 13 and high speed internet porn at 18. My erections and libido were great when I was younger, i distinctly remember waking up with rock hard morning wood and balancing a towel on my erections after shower. Gradually, over time, due to excessive porn the erections weakened tremendously and my libido basically disappeared. I haven't had a proper morning wood or a rock hard erection in at least 12 years. Also, my porn addiction got worse over time, escalating into genres that would disgust me in real life, but it was the only way to get that dopamine rush i needed so much.

Physically I'm as healthy as one can be, exercising regularly in the gym, eating healthy, and I have no physical issues down there or any issues with the hormones, I did all the checks with the doctors and the urologist. I just never found sex nearly appealing as porn so my problem is definitely PIED, and I suspected that even before I found out about yourbrainonporn and forums similar to this one.

Regarding sex, luckily I can still have it, I get decently hard from kissing or cuddling with women and my erections are hard enough to penetrate. However they are NEVER rock hard and they don't stay long without constant physical stimulation which means I can often lose them when changing positions. Also, I can rarely go more than once per night and some days I just have no desire for sex at all, and in those days I just can't have sex no matter what I try (classic flatline symptoms). So as you can see, my story is mostly a school example of PIED and similar stories you can find on other websites or forums.

I plan to use this thread as a personal diary and chronicle my journey. I don't plan to write about every singe day, instead focusing only on days when something significant happened. Also, I don't expect a fast reboot, I'm currently on day 62 of no PMO and so far have seen little improvement on libido and EQ, mostly it's been 62 days of complete flatline with occasional night wood and wet dream. However I have seen many improvements on other departments, my mood is generally a lot better than before, my dreams are now so vivid that I can almost feel them and I also dream every night without exception. I have also noticed that women check me out much more than before, and it's not just in my head, other people have told me that as well, some women even approach me first, I am a pretty good looking guy, but it was never like this before the reboot. All in all, the improvements are definitely there, but I don't expect a complete recovery without at least a full year of reboot (and if I'm unlucky maybe even more).

That being said, let's begin.

DAY 62

Had a wet dream last night, second in a row, since I also had one on day 61. It's the 4th or 5th one since I started the reboot. I don't feel any different from it, no chaser effect or loss of energy, to me wet dreams are just a way for my body to get rid of dead sperm cells since I don't orgasm in any other way. They don't hinder or improve the reboot.

However something else happened as well, a few hours after the wet dream I woke up during the night and I had a pretty good night wood, I would say around 70% hard. It didn't last long, went down pretty fast after waking up, but it was the hardest night wood I had in at least 12 years, so definitely some progress there.

DAY 65

Woke up with the morning wood that was about 70% hard, could be more, not really sure about the percentages but it was decent. The best thing is it didn't go down immediately  when I woke up but stayed for 2 or 3 minutes without any stimulation on my end. I literally can't remember the last time this happened so a huge step forward for me for sure.

On another note I still dream vividly every night, but I'm starting to have dreams about relapsing, I guess my brain is desperate for that quick fix of dopamine that it's no longer getting. Also it could be that I have been reading too much stories from other people on this and similar forums and it reeeealy put me down, that's something I'll stop doing from today, most of them sound the same anyway. All in all, things are improving.

Wish you good luck on your journey. Thank you for sharing.

EW

Hey man hope your battle is still going your way.

What have you put in place to help you duing your reboot? Spoke to anyone close to you about it?
Have you identified your triggers?

Also do not get heartened by reading about people relapsing or having a bad time. We all go through up and downs but we are all hear to share and help each other. We are all brothers in arms.

Cheering you on.

DAY 67

Had sex last night. And... it was pretty good. Best part is that I was in a flatline for a while and I thought that there's no way I'll be up to it but the moment we started touching one another BAM I was hard and ready for action. It was great for both of us, maaaaybe I could have lasted a little bit longer but that's to be expected after 50 days since last sex, definitely no PE just some of my personal preferences. After that I went to sleep wondering the entire time will I hit the flatline now that I had orgasm form sex, but when I woke next to her this morning.... BAM another erection. And the urge was so strong that I woke her up for round 2 and it was just as good as round one. I didn't go more than that out of fear from flatlining from too many orgasms in a short time period all of a sudden but I must say, now that I'm writing this it doesn't feel like a standard flatline. Sure I'm not constantly horny, far from it, but I also don't feel asexual like in the previous 2 months. This is amazing progress especially for such an early time frame, hopefully I'll see more progress in the following days. All in all, I'm extremely happy about recent developments.

This just goes to show the importance of rewiring. Sure, going HARD MODE is also extremely important, I went HARD from day 15 up until last night, which is 50 days. And the only orgasms I had in these 67 days were from sex, no masturbation and obviously no porn. However, as important as hard mode is, reviewing is absolutely crucial unless you want to spend years fighting this shit. I know that not everyone has the luxury of an understanding partner but sooner or later you will have to try with a real person to know if things really have improved or not. And that is the ONLY way to know, nothing else. Sure, morning/night wood, random erections, wet dreams etc. are all signs that there is nothing physically wrong with you, but just because you have them doesn't mean you'll get it up for the real deal. So I implore you, rewire as much as you can, if you have a partner you are blessed and you will recover faster (of course if you don't keep relapsing to porn). If you don't have a partner, try to find one. I know that it's scary but like I said you will have to do it sooner or later and it is the only way to know if you are cured or not.

DAY 69(nice)

Another successful sex today, and after a wet dream no less. Was hard the entire time, even before we started touching and kissing, and was hard for the whole duration of it. The only bad thing is, just like before, I lasted about 10 minutes, but again, that is to be expected considering that I'm super sensitive now due to not PMOing for so long. Yesterday I was super horny for the entire day, but not once did I have the urge to watch porn, just to have sex, and today I did, so the reviewing is definettly speeding things up tremendously. I feel my libido coming back to how it was and couldn't be more happy about it. Again, the only negative is that it seems I picked up some mild PE along the way, but that is something that should improve with the consistency of sex. And still, if I had to choose, I would much rather have Pe than ED any day. 

On another note my morning wood is starting to be a regular occurrence, woke up with one yesterday and one today. All in all, I'm amazed how fast things are improving, hopefully it will continue at this pace.

Great news about the successful innercourse! I bet your partner loved it too! I think youre definately seeing signs of recovery and its a great motivator for others.

Thanks. I'm still far away from being 'cured' but the benefits are now clearly visible and not subtle or small like before. The one thing that I can say definitely improved is the desire for sex over porn. When i get the urge it's not the porn urge like it was back in the day, that uncontrollable rush of dopamine you are all wery familiar with, but instead a healthy, more controllable urge for actual sex. It's completely different feeling and it feels great.

Good news, man. Congratulations. That sounds like an amazing achievement to me. Keep it up.

Excellent, it sounds like youre really on the mend now. Just dont let your guard down!

DAY 73

SEVERE DEPRESSION. And I mean SEVERE. I feel like a complete shit, I would just lay in bed all day and cry. This isn't necessarily connected with the reboot as the weather outside is total crap and depressing but I haven't been this depressed since I started the reboot. Again I've been reading stories from long time rebooters and bummed myself down for no reason. Even though my reboot has been going really good, I can't help but think of all the years I wasted on this shit, and all the things that could've been if it wasn't for PIED. I know I shouldn't do that but on some days like this one, you just have to reflect and let it out of your system in order to not go crazy.

Since my last sex 4 days ago I haven't attempted another. My libido is also in a strange place. If I'm with a girl and we make out or fool around I get the urged as well as erections and I do want sex. But when I'm alone i get jo urges at all. Not really sure if this is how it's supposed to be, I'm not a teen anymore who should be horny all the time but still it doesn't feel right. Especially because my erection still arent 100% strong. I still get morning/night wood almost every day and it's around 80% at best while erections during intercourse are a little better, lets say 85%. Both don't last long without some form of stimulation, be it sex or making out. That's still pretty good and obviously good enough for sex but not rock hard how it's supposed to be nor does it stays that way for some time without stimulation, also like it's supposed to be.  So even while my situation now is far from bad it still far from 'cured' eather, at least how it should be. Once I'm able to have a 100% strong erection and I don't need any stimulation in order to keep it for at least a few minutes, that's when I'll consider myself cured.

Now I'm a bit conflicted, should I continue to have sex and see if my erection quality will improve or go full hard mode untill it does. I'm kinda leaning towards the second as I'm already rewired to the real deal and I can have sex, the main problem is erection strength and that is something that hard mode should fix in a few months.

Sorry to hear you?re feeling like shit, friend. It seems pretty normal when you are rebooting to have days like that. Even normal people feel like shit sometimes! But I can relate to you about the suffering caused by PIED. I have been dealing with it forever, so of course it created wounds that won?t easily heal. I feel you on this one. Just be strong, better days are ahead of you.

As for going hard mode, the answer is not simple. Some rebooters claim rewiring is essential, but others only believe in hard mode. I have chosen to try to mix both: I have sex (though I try to not do it too often), but I don?t get close to orgasm. I am in a relationship, so staying away from sex for 6 months is not really an option for me. But my girlfriend knows about my reboot, so we don?t have sex too often. Staying away from orgasm and intense stimulation seems to be a good way to do a reboot. At first, the thought of doing this felt awkward to me: I thought my girlfriend would think it?s weird or unpleasant that I stop without orgasming. But of course, once I decided to go for it, I found out it?s not weird at all. And it?s not frustrating either. I guess it would be for someone with a regular libido, but for me it isn?t. I strongly recommend trying this approach if you don?t want to go full hard mode. Just don?t get too close to orgasm if you do this. Don?t stop just 5 seconds before orgasm: stay far away from orgasm, and try to enjoy sex without climax. That being said, if I was single, I would go full hard mode for a while, and then I would gradually go back to sex, without overdoing it. But who really knows what?s best for us... Keep reading success stories that will inspire you, and try to avoid making the same mistakes that some long rebooters have done. I have compiled my favorite success stories in a file (I have spent way too much time on YBOP in the last months...), I can share them with you if you need inspiration.

Take care, man.

Thanks for the cheer up Bilbo, like I said me feeling like shit isn't necessarily connected to te reboot but the fact that I have to go through it in order to function normally isn't helping eather.

At least I'm glad that even at times like this I deal with my problems the healthy way instead of going back to pmo so at least that's good.

As for the reboot I initially thought it would take me a year to recover fully and I still stand by that, it's still to early for me but the benefits I'm seeing are great for such an early stage. But I definitely need to stop reading the stories from loong time rebooters who are still struggling with this, at the end of the day they are all the same and they all end up in them relapsing over and over again for one reason or another. Reading success ones definitely helps remedy that.

I find helpful looking up Viktor Frank and Edith Eger. I find them the most helpful for helping with depression.

Good luck.
EW

DAY 74

Another wet dream except that this time I woke a few seconds before the orgasm so I experienced it while being awake as opposed in my sleep. So not sure if this one can be considered a "dream" since I was awake the whole time but it doesn't matter, it's the same thing essentially. I'm having wet dreams pretty frequently, once per week on average, if I'm having sex then they are less frequent obviously. This is why stuff like karezza doesn't make much sense to me, what's the point of having sex with no orgasm if I'm going to orgasm in my dream that very evening? For me at least, if you are going hard mode go hard mode, and if you are having sex have sex all the way and enjoy it, but everyone is different and will reboot differently and in different time frame. Stay out of porn and stay out of masturbation since it's so closely linked to porn in our brains, that is the most important stuff.

On another note I'm waaay better today than I was yesterday, I guess I needed to let some negative emotions oit that have been piling up inside me for some time, it happens from time to time, and has noting to do with the reboot per se, but being in one doesn't really help it either.

I see what you mean about orgasms and hard mode. I have decided to try this approach because it was recommended by many rebooters (including Gabe Deem). Even YBOP recommends that we avoid or reduce the frequency of our orgasms. I personally did not have a wet dream so far, so I don?t feel avoiding to orgasm when having sex is a waste of fun. I still believe there is a difference between coming through intercourse (or masturbation) and having a wet dream. But who really knows what?s the truth here... For myself, I have chosen to go with the safer approach, as I consider myself a pretty severe case.

Another thing worth being mentioned is that a lot of guys feel orgasms throw them back into flatline (whatever flatline means for men with a low libido). That?s another reason to avoid them. But if you don?t feel like shit after orgasm, or don?t feel that it holds you back from healing, then go for it. We can only speculate on these matters.

Finally, I have read some success stories in which guys wrote that they felt it helped them to heal. Here is one thread by a guy who was going soft mode (no P, no M but frequent sex with orgasms) for the first four months of his reboot. He then decided to keep having sex, but without orgasms, which he did for the next two months. He claims he was cured after those two months:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-3/pied-cured-after-8-months/

Anyway, it?s up to each of us to decide how to reboot. As you said, staying away from P and M is what matters the most.

I've just read the story you linked, as I understood he wasn't able to have sex first 6 months, only orgasms he had were from his wife giving him handjobs whis is essentially masturbation. Only after going 2 months hard mode was he able to have sex at 8 months total. So this just proves that masturbation is just as bad as pmo, even if it's someone else doing it for you.

As gor me I, it's kinda wierd, after orgasm with sex I don't really hot the typical flatline. Sure I,m not constantly horny but if I know I'm gonna have sex I get excited and the erection is there. Best example are two rounds of sex I had on the night of day 66 and then on morning of day 67 when I woke up next to my partner. That was no flatline let me tell you, it was an insane urge for sex. Same on day 69. So basically when I'm with her i have the desire for sex and the erections, when I'm not i don't feel any desire. It seems like I successfully replaced urge to pmo with the urge for sex, except that my erection quality stayed the same as it was with porn, 85% at best.

My plan for now is to continue having sex but reduce the frequency, and see if my erection quality (and maybe libido?) will improve in time. If they do, great. If they don't I will just go hard mode without sex untill they do. I feel like I'm close, I really do, just not quite there yet. Time will tell.

Well that makes sense to me. Keep us updated, and good luck.

DAY 76

Today I turn 30. I always thought that, by the time I was 30, I would have a wife and possibly even kids, a family of my own. And here I am today, struggling to keep my dick hard, something that is normal bodily function and not a problem for someone my age. Life sure can be cruely ironic sometimes

At least I'm glad I sorted out other aspects of my life untill now, like a good job, my own place, good friends, good family relationships, good looks and good health. This thing is the final one left to sort out, the final cut if you will 

Nothing significant to report today reboot wise, just wanted to write the above things as I felt the need to. I never really liked my birthdays nor did I like celebrating them, but this one feels different, I somehow get a feeling that I will look upon my life as the time before and after today. First 30 years of my life really weren't the greatest by any stretch, let's hope that the next 30 will be completely different.