Consequences

[thatsit]

So I'm on day 10 now after 961 tries.... This time feels different, its ridiculously easy so far which is scaring me because I have never been in that position before. Usually when I reach the 7-10 day mark I have huge urges and think about it most of the day. For the last 10 days I had sporadic thoughts that came and went with no real urges. I am afraid that something is lurking around the corner that will hit me square in the face. I have not done anything different or used a new approach.

That being said, I have started listening to the porn free podcast a couple of days ago, and the subject was consequences when you relapse. I have to admit I have never looked at it from that angle. I have been conditioned when reading different forums or articles that when you relapse don't be too hard on yourself and pick yourself up and jump on the wagon again. Although I agree with that statement I think it also negatively form a bad habit of not really being accountable since there are very little impact when you make the decision to act out - other than feeling like crap for a couple of days. I think it makes sense to have some sort of consequence when you make the choice to act out and PMO - not in a punitive way but more in a way that there are additional implications in the choice that you are about to make, to use it as an additional tool. If you do give in, take the time with the consequence to properly reflect on a daily basis why you gave in, use it as a reminder. Now the consequence could be anything that is important to you (more than PMO obviously). A very simple example I am looking at, if I break my current streak and PMO I will not drink coffee for 14 days. Not having my daily dose of caffeine will definitely have an impact on me and will be a constant reminder to reinforce my moment of weakness or if I do give in to reflect on why I am now in that position.

In any other parts of life, regardless if its work, school, social, law, etc... when you make a choice you are face with different levels of consequences, you may get a free pass every now and then but for the most part you need to get your act together.

Now I have to battle on 2 fronts, porn addiction and relapsing (bad) habits.   

[Gabe Deem]

Hey thatsit,

So I'm on day 10 now

First, congrats on 10 days! That's awesome, and it doesn't matter how many "tries" you've attempted. As long as you haven't given up, there's a chance to learn from mistakes and better identify cues and a plan to combat them moving forward.

With that said, I had a thought when I read what you said here:

I am afraid that something is lurking around the corner that will hit me square in the face.

Here's what I thought. Something IS lurking around the corner, it's not a "maybe" thing, it is certain. There's no escaping porn cues, whether they be internal or external, they will always be there. What an addict has to do is develop a mindset of "porn is not an option" in the face of cues, and develop healthy habits as the only option. Something is always lurking around the corner and it is only a matter of time we have to face the temptation and avoid justification to watch porn.

If you do give in, take the time with the consequence to properly reflect on a daily basis why you gave in, use it as a reminder.

Great advice and strategy. I agree 100%

A very simple example I am looking at, if I break my current streak and PMO I will not drink coffee for 14 days. Not having my daily dose of caffeine will definitely have an impact on me and will be a constant reminder to reinforce my moment of weakness or if I do give in to reflect on why I am now in that position.

I like this idea. I have been struggling with social media/internet addiction and one thing that has helped me is fasting if I feel I've had a bad week I'll fast over the weekend. For me personally, doing something uncomfortable voluntarily, like fasting, really strengthens my ability to not give in to instant gratification in other domains, like compulsively opening up social media.

Anyways, great post. It is great that you're moving forward listening to helpful podcasts and using new strategies. The only way forward is taking action, and you're doing it. Keep truckin. Hope the best for you. Much love

[thatsit]

Thank you Gabe for your comments and feedback, really appreciate.

Day 12 - still going strong and still relatively easy. I am also still fully conscious that things could change quickly at the flip of a coin. I am spending most of my free time working on my foundation by listening to the porn free podcast (I have 6 years worth of material to listened to as I started at the very beginning), keeping a close focus on my short term goals, keeping the appropriate mindset forcing myself to eliminate thoughts as soon as the sporadic ones come in my head. I am not sure at this point if my consequence strategy will work or not as I have not been even close to a point of relapsing yet, however its there and ready to use in my toolbox if I need it - I think it helps on a subconscious level as I do remind myself everyday. Anyways, off to Friday and the weekend after, I have never made it to 14 before not once in the last +/- 35 years....a full 2 weeks! I will break that door down on the weekend.