Leonidas
Active Member
First time on this site. Though not the first attempt at eliminating porn from my life. So here goes.
Early 40's. Probably struggled for most of the past 10 years. Was a member of YBRB for several years, then left it behind for good. There was nothing else for me to learn there. I believe I have all the knowledge I need to beat this addiction. But yet it lingers, with a relapse every other week. When it hits, it really hits hard. Sometimes it's for an hour... sometimes it's a 3-hour binge. Today was one of those days. It went as far as to interrupt my daily activities, which is a surefire sign that it is encroaching into my life in a very negative way.
So my challenge is twofold:
First, I need to hold myself accountable, and watch my feelings as they shift towards the curiosity of going back to "take a peek". The cravings will come, just as sure as Summer follows Spring. How will I deal with those feelings? What will I do when I am suddenly overwhelmed by a desire to watch the P? I can come here and be honest and write it out. Then use a handy strategy like closing computer and walking out... before giving my mind a chance to change its mind.
Second, but most crucial of both: to rearrange my life so that I really do feel like I am living it. Doing the things that make me feel good to be alive. Clarifying what new career challenges lay ahead and investing in my learning paths to improve my chances of landing an interesting job. Paying more regular visits to friends. Taking up the new hobby training over the next few weekends. And crucially, opening my heart to love.
I find it is the lack of intimacy with a life partner that acts like a counter-force that gnaws at my back, insisting that the drive to reproduce won't go away anytime soon. So I can either dwell in the fake world of cheap entertainment, or find someone who can open a world of possibilities. It may sound like simplistic reasoning, but I think I'll leave it at that (why overthink things?)
And it is day 0 for me, btw. Look forward to reading the journeys of fellow rebooters!
Early 40's. Probably struggled for most of the past 10 years. Was a member of YBRB for several years, then left it behind for good. There was nothing else for me to learn there. I believe I have all the knowledge I need to beat this addiction. But yet it lingers, with a relapse every other week. When it hits, it really hits hard. Sometimes it's for an hour... sometimes it's a 3-hour binge. Today was one of those days. It went as far as to interrupt my daily activities, which is a surefire sign that it is encroaching into my life in a very negative way.
So my challenge is twofold:
First, I need to hold myself accountable, and watch my feelings as they shift towards the curiosity of going back to "take a peek". The cravings will come, just as sure as Summer follows Spring. How will I deal with those feelings? What will I do when I am suddenly overwhelmed by a desire to watch the P? I can come here and be honest and write it out. Then use a handy strategy like closing computer and walking out... before giving my mind a chance to change its mind.
Second, but most crucial of both: to rearrange my life so that I really do feel like I am living it. Doing the things that make me feel good to be alive. Clarifying what new career challenges lay ahead and investing in my learning paths to improve my chances of landing an interesting job. Paying more regular visits to friends. Taking up the new hobby training over the next few weekends. And crucially, opening my heart to love.
I find it is the lack of intimacy with a life partner that acts like a counter-force that gnaws at my back, insisting that the drive to reproduce won't go away anytime soon. So I can either dwell in the fake world of cheap entertainment, or find someone who can open a world of possibilities. It may sound like simplistic reasoning, but I think I'll leave it at that (why overthink things?)
And it is day 0 for me, btw. Look forward to reading the journeys of fellow rebooters!