Hi - I'm 45, and I've been struggling with this for over 25 years. I'm single, so the lockdown is not making this easy. The one time I was able to put together a string of days of more than a week without acting out was by staying out of the house and doing things with people every night I could. I'm hoping that writing on here and maybe generating some accountability will help.
Getting started again
- Thread starter Delloroo
- Start date
A pretty good day staying busy. I'm starting to listen to a very useful book, "The Molecule of More" about dopamine. It really seems to help when I remind myself that when I get an urge, it's a desire for a chemical in my brain, and not a real existential need. The urge is not permanent.
joepanic
Respected Member
Welcome aboard Deloroo
Im 49 and had struggled for 35 years. My story is the same as many others. I am married and my wife had no idea I was an addict. But over the last 3 years I have made steady progress to the point where I am a different person today. I have confidence less depression more skills lost a bunch of extra pounds and actually took up a pretty good regiment of exercise and healthy eating and just generally feel a whole lot better about myself. I am in the 11th hour before getting ready to post in the success section I want to be sure 150%. Its been a real pleasure to be able to learn so much more about myself with a clear head.
read lots and learn what has worked for the other guys and learn from their failures and their successes
Good luck were here for you
Post often it helps you it helps me
Im 49 and had struggled for 35 years. My story is the same as many others. I am married and my wife had no idea I was an addict. But over the last 3 years I have made steady progress to the point where I am a different person today. I have confidence less depression more skills lost a bunch of extra pounds and actually took up a pretty good regiment of exercise and healthy eating and just generally feel a whole lot better about myself. I am in the 11th hour before getting ready to post in the success section I want to be sure 150%. Its been a real pleasure to be able to learn so much more about myself with a clear head.
read lots and learn what has worked for the other guys and learn from their failures and their successes
Good luck were here for you
Post often it helps you it helps me
Okay, into my fourth day. I'm gonna admit- not feeling good today. Just woke up feeling terrible anxiety about work in a way I don't feel. Nevertheless, got up and went for a run to clear my head. Need momentum.
I read a good rebooting journal that talked about needing rather than just wanting to overcome an addiction. I get that right now. I need a restored, rebooted brain. That's what's driving me.
I read a good rebooting journal that talked about needing rather than just wanting to overcome an addiction. I get that right now. I need a restored, rebooted brain. That's what's driving me.
Interesting night last night. I met up with a friend to drink some champagne outside. When I got home, I made the mistake of bringing my smartphone to bed with me. I started looking at social media, and though I didn't relapse, I ended up spending several hours in a trance looking at video after video. I think it revealed to me that I'm habituated to the stimulation of the internet, as much as I'm addicted to pornography. I think I need to be generally mindful of my internet diet.
Well, I'm past a week now. I'm feeling fuzzy this evening, sort of numb. Hard to tell if this from rebooting, or that I've been on zoom all day for work. Interesting time to be trying to do this. Had a hard time falling asleep last night, and I'm hope I'm not getting into a cycle of insomnia. It was pretty hard to wake up this morning!
I've started watching the Headspace/Netflix series on meditation and it's been very useful. Wondering if anybody else has tapped into this as a resource.
I've started watching the Headspace/Netflix series on meditation and it's been very useful. Wondering if anybody else has tapped into this as a resource.
Delloroo said:
Hi Dell, well done on the streak. Totally agree with the above. Reading about the damage to the brain P causes, it's just shocking, I've literally been dumbing myself down. As for feeling sh*t/ numb, I remember being very far along a good streak and still feeling bad. P is a crutch, and it can literally be a painkiller, so letting go of this thing can feel shocking to the system. Keep focused and keep going strong!
I can't believe I'm on day 12. I feel foggy and a lot of stress, but it's hard to tell where my anxiety from the reboot ends and the anxiety from the crazy events in the country this week begins. I used to think this was a terrible time to try and tackle this problem, but now it seems like it's the right time, maybe the perfect time. Instead of feeling like I'm missing out, I feel like I'm going to be miserable anyway, whey not just go ahead and go all in. In another way, I feel like I need my brain back more than ever, and that's what's driving me - like the only way I'm going to survive the situation we're all in is by bearing down and fighting for what I can. Anyway, I hope I feel better soon. I feel generally fuzzy and tired, but driven.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Delloroo said:
Great work so far, Delloroo. Congrats! I really like the source of motivation above. Perhaps because I'm on a similar page with my own effort. More than any time I can remember, this feels like a great time to have energy, clarity of thought, compassion and positivity.... none of which I have when I'm using P.
Don't know how many times you've tried to crack this, so if I'm trying to teach granny to suck eggs, feel free to ignore
That fuzziness and the vacant feeling are normal. You're depriving your selfish old brain of a bunch of chemicals that it gets a buzz from, so it's going to feel like you swapped-out lightbulbs for candles, or stopped putting seasoning on your food. Things will just feel toned-down for a while. It will pass, but in my own experience.... maybe not for a while. So as boring as it might feel, try not to sweat it. If you've been to your "rock bottom".... boring's kind of OK, right?
Wishing you strength today!
Delloroo said:
Whatever happens around us should not affect what WE want for ourselves, Delloroo. You are doing pretty well and this should be the main motivation to continue! My little experience is that every single little step I do every single day towards reboot will not have an immediate consequence. The results will be seen many weeks or months after. But I succeeded in the past, thus I now that the therapy works if we apply it consistently. Thus, just go on!