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Messages - nexusoflife

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Porn Addiction / For anyone struggling with unhealthy fetishes
« on: June 05, 2019, 12:29:32 PM »
I have been a user of forums like this for a few years now and have used communities like this one to learn more on the subject of cultivating a healthier sexual psychology more in alignment with one’s core values as a person. I personally have gotten a lot out of this website since I have been on it but, I have seen a lack of something.

As many of us here know there are many people who have sexual fetishes; for some people those fetishistic behaviors are just fine and the person is okay with them. However for others their sexual fetish can manifest in very unhealthy ways and can cause much sexual confusion and even suffering. For those who feel that they have unhealthy fetishes I feel that we need a community online to encourage productive discussion on the subject of overcoming unhealthy fetishes, as well as offering a place of support and encouragement for those who not only want to overcome unhealthy and or unwanted fetishistic behavior but want to become the best version of themselves in this area.

There is a new subreddit community called r/overcomingfetishes for this exact purpose. Now those of us whom may be having difficulties with unwanted fetishistic behavior and want to cultivate more desirable sexual behaviors can now come to a community that shares a common goal of cultivating a healthier sexual expression of sexual arousal. If you think that a community like this could be of benefit to you please visit the subreddit; lets come together to build this community and help out each other!

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Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I like that you bring up those definitions of fetishes and it is primarily the first definition that I am seeking to address with my post.  You’re right, it’s important to differentiate between tastes and preferences from full blown actual fetishes I should have elaborated on that. Thanks for clarifying. The psychology of the individual definitely dictates what we will prefer in the opposite sex and I agree that preferences are in no way fetishes. I agree that one can get visual and sexual pleasure from viewing fetish porn without it imprinting onto them and developing into a fetish if they are not overly exposed to it. However the fact that pornography has the potential to create and perpetuate fetishes in people’s psychologies is more than enough reason in my opinion for people to work towards being porn free.

Exactly the brain is the most active sex organ I like how you put it. I feel that this is something that really deserves more attention in the field of sexology. I have seen in my personal experience and general that people typically associate fetishized attraction as fundamentally intrinsic towards sexual release. It is not even within the paradigm of the majority of people (at least in western culture) to think of being sexual without some sort of fetishized attraction involved in sex. This is why I brought up the psychological aspect being the main component of arousal. I am not adverse to bringing spirituality into this discussion if that is ok. In my perception the spiritual awareness of someone goes far beyond any physical beauty they have; as well as beyond any level of attraction towards a sexual fetish.

Indeed the degree of attraction is yet another good point. Preference in sexual attraction can have its degrees and this is quite healthy in my opinion. However if taken to a point where a particular body part or object is needed to climax then it could be labeled as a fetish and if the attraction gets out of hand (as is the potential of all sexual fetishes) then it can become detrimental to one’s enjoyment as it may come into conflict with one’s core values. This is something I have read countless times on No Fap forums. This is where pornography comes in as a cause of suffering for so many people trying rewire their minds from fetishes.

Yes it is so frustrating that seemingly nobody is doing any real research on this subject. I have looked for peer reviewed literature and quite frustratingly it seems to be nonexistent. I hope I am incorrect about that. Much study of this subject is needed as it would shed light on many of the more unclear aspects of sexual fetishism.  Indeed most of the websites that talk about this subject only do so lightly and do not provide anything remotely useful or with any depth.
The proximity of neural mapping may be a part of the reason however I think it is only a relatively small part of the puzzle. I’d wager that after the initial imprint for the fetish has been made before the onset of puberty then the close neural routing only serves to further solidify it deeper into the psychology of the individual.

Here’s a few interesting books I have come across relating to the subject.
Sex at Dawn
History of the Breast
The Complete Guide to Nudism and Naturism
Also there is a website called broadblogs.com that does a good job at breaking down why many fetishes are culturally created.

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I need some help in learning about the psychology of sexual fetishes. From what I have read and studied it would seem that sexual fetishes are not natural. They do not occur at birth. To my knowledge they are primarily the result of early childhood sexual imprinting due to various circumstances as a coping response to stress in early developmental stages which is later sexualized after puberty. Another cause of sexual fetishes is that they are also socially and culturally created phenomena. Lastly fetishes can develop from over exposure to pornography.

Many people think that fetishes are things like the foot fetish, bondage, masochism, pedophilia, vore, inflation fetish, balloon fetish, furries, necrophilia, pregnancy fetish, fat fetish, hair fetish, fetishes for bodily excretions, fetishes for body injuries, burping and coughing fetishes, asphyxiation, etc.; essentially strange and unorthodox sexual triggers. However even attractions such as breasts and butts and even hair are fetishized by our society. Reason being in tribal societies sexual attraction specifically linked to breasts and butts is nonexistent. Breasts are simply something to feed babies. And while the pleasure center in the female brain is triggered by nipple stimulation, it is likely that this is to build a connection between the mother and her child in breastfeeding.

Additionally being that for the vast majority of the evolutionary human experience our species was completely naked for all our lives it would seem that any and all sexual fetishes associated with nudity are relatively recent phenomena for our species only coming into existence with the invention of clothing. Due the fact that the vast majority of humans wear clothes nearly 24 hours per day in society actually can generate and exacerbate sexual fetishes. It is because of the fact that clothes hide the body and thus we often imagine those we are attracted to naked and as is the imagination we tend to exaggerate and emphasize body parts that are fetishized. Thus when a sexualized and fetishized body part is revealed it creates tension and excitement towards said body part thus strengthening the neural rooting of the fetish.

People who have been nudists for some significant length of time generally do not get horny at the sight of a naked person because they realize that the human body is not intrinsically sexual. Additionally these people spend a significant amount of time naked every day and are around naked people quite often as well. Thus they are desensitized to nudity. They do not have to imagine those they are attracted to naked as they are usually already unclothed. Because of this, sexual stimulation leading to arousal only occurs when their partner explicitly behaves in an erotic and specifically sexual way towards them. In truth it’s the psychological aspect, the hormones and the sexual behaviors which get the act of sexual intercourse going for people who do not have entrenched sexual fetishes. Now I am in no way at all saying that being naked all of the time will desensitize one to their sexual fetishes. Nor am I saying that nudists are not subject to circumstances that can cause the formation of sexual fetishes. I am saying that because so many fetishes are linked with nudity in some way due to the fact that we wear clothes almost all of the time, it is beneficial to actually have a mindset that is desensitized to nudity as this would greatly diminish the potential for the formation and strengthening of sexual fetishes.

With this being said while a sexual fetish can become deeply rooted into one’s psychology it is not impossible to dissolve from one’s mind. Being that the overwhelming majority of fetishes are the result of early onset childhood sexual imprinting, if one manages to find the deep imprint that it is connected with then they can consciously work through the fetish and eventually no longer be stimulated by it. Most fetishes have a deep intrinsic link with emotions. These consist of but are not limited to things like attention, stress, security, control and approval. Because of their intrinsic emotional root, the cause of a fetish can be identified if one manages look deeply enough and mentally work through whatever circumstance may have led to the development of said fetish.

In truth if not for childhood stresses causing sexual imprinting, overexposure to pornography, cultural and social preferences and our clothed society, sexual fetishes in all likelihood would not exist. Fetishes result in behaviors that are very strange and sometimes even detrimental and destructive to one’s body and mind. I mean you’ll have grown men having sex and sucking the breasts of their female lovers. Is that really natural? No. It’s the result of a fetishized body part having an emphasized attraction towards it. I suspect the reasons why people passively accept sexual fetishes are because firstly, society says it’s ok as long as it is not harming you or anyone else, and that we all have our weird thing that sexually turns us on. Secondly sexual fetishes result in sexual pleasure as the end result. So even if the fetish is harmful in some way, is in direct conflict with one’s core values, or is just inconvenient since it generates pleasure as an end result of indulgence it is accepted as just a part of who someone is. Lastly sexual energy is extremely powerful and when we are in the act of having sex or masturbating we are quite literally in an altered state of consciousness, especially when we reach climax and orgasm. It’s almost hypnotic as time is of total irrelevance and one’s awareness is entirely present in the act. Due to the power of sexual energy it can cause even the most logical and rationally minded people to come down to their base animal instincts and let the subconscious mind take over; and in this state of consciousness do whatever it takes to obtain that sexual pleasure and eventual orgasmic release. And this is why it is so difficult to dissolve sexual fetishes that have been a part of someone’s sex life for years. The association between the object of the fetish and sexual stimulation is well established and very strong in the mind.

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t overcome a sexual fetish. You can. However it is going to be a long process that at times will be extremely difficult because sexual energy is a very difficult thing to handle if one is having to undo several years of crimped flow due to an out of alignment fetish. It will require very deep digging within one’s self and facing some demons; however if you stay the path and continue to work through these things eventually you will no longer be sexually stimulated by the fetish you have. This is great news for those who have sexual fetishes that are in direct conflict with their core values and beliefs. Sexual energy is extremely powerful as it is the energy of creation. For many with fetishes that are inconvenient, conflict with core values or are harmful this flow of sexual energy has been in a crimped flow. Additionally the sexual issues of society at large do not help this at all; it often makes things more difficult. Also the fact that sex has been taboo for so long makes it something that is even more enticing. This can also build up sexual frustration and play a part in the formation of fetishes.

Please let me know your thoughts on this subject. I would love to get feedback on this. I would like to expand my knowledge and base of information regarding this subject and while I have read books on sexual psychology I have yet to read anything specifically on how natural or unnatural sexual fetishes are. If anyone knows of any books, documentaries or other resources that could help me to learn more on this subject, or just books you think I should look into, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Have an amazing day!

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