My Story of My Addiction to Camgirls

Hello everyone,

My name is Andy and I am new on here. I signed up for Reboot Nation because this week I have finally acknowledged to myself that I have a serious problem. It is a problem that I have struggled with for over four years now since 2016. I came here for help and I sit here typing all choked up with tears welling in my eyes. It is a problem that has for brief moments given me a thrill and pleasure only to be followed by a never ending feeling of dread and anxiety that many times makes my heart hurt. I am addicted to Camgirls.

It all started my senior year of college. It was December of 2016 and I was taking a break from studying for finals week. I was alone in my dorm as all my roommates were out. I was single so I didn't have a girlfriend to visit so like all 21 year old males I went onto Pornhub to relieve myself. As I was scrolling my curiosity got the better of me. At the top of the Pornhub page I clicked on the tab that read in white bold print, "LIVE CAMS." I had always noticed that tab every time I logged onto Pornhub but in the past I ignored it. But that night I decided to try something different. I clicked on the LIVE CAMS link and was greeted with a plethora of women ranging in age from 18-50+ from all over the world. All of them live on camera willing to do anything you pleased. For a single 21 year old virgin I felt I hit the jackpot.

I picked out a young woman who on her profile said she was 19 and was from Russia. She was blonde and damn I still remember she was beautiful. This was my first time doing anything like this so a mixture of excitement and foolishness raced through my mind. We entered an exclusive chat session and we both masturbated together as I talked sexy to her and she moaned and played with herself. It was weird and thrilling to me and before I knew it I had capped out my maximum spending limit of around $200! I forget the exact amount but it was around that amount. I logged off thinking this was the first and the only time I would do something like this. I thought it was one of those things you try in college and move on. For others maybe but for me I had just stepped foot into a deep rabbit hole.

A month later I was again scrolling through porn and noticed a link to another Camgirl site called Cams.com. I remembered how much I enjoyed using the camgirl a month prior so I set up an account and before I knew it I was spending hundreds of dollars on there. Camgirls from all over the world I used from Eastern and Western Europe and the USA. Never having had a girlfriend I reasoned this was the next best thing for now. In my mind I reasoned I'm not the only guy on here using these models. And so on it went for the rest of my Senior year. Before I graduated from college I had signed up for a second webcam model website called Streamate and had deleted my Cams.com account. I forget how much money I had spent at that point but it was several hundred dollars. Money I could've used elsewhere or just simply saved.

During this time I began to question the morality of what I was doing. I didn't know who these girls were and what their stories were and how they ended up becoming camgirls exposing themselves and performing all kinds of sexual activities for guys like me. Many were as young as 18. I began panicking maybe some of these girls were trafficked for forced to do this (They weren't) but in my highly anxious mind (I've always had extreme anxiety) I felt like I was guilty of a crime. I felt like an abuser who took advantage of these girls and I felt dirty and shameful. But I kept using them because the brief thrill of masturbating on camera with a live girl always got the better of me and my bank account.

After I graduated I was still single and all my friends had scattered pursuing their own lives I felt alone. By this point 22 years old, still single and a virgin. So I turned again to camgirls. By this point my fear of camgirls being trafficked had gone away because they simply weren't as I found out. So now I began to use Streamate and would typically use camgirls ranging in age from 18-25. I know these websites age verify all of their models but in my anxious mind I still would ask them their ages. Some got quite annoyed at me with this but I couldn't help myself. As the months went by some camgirls I got to know more personally and they got to know me as well. But deep down I knew this wasn't healthy. My money was being drained trying to build "relationships" with these camgirls and looking back I realize just how unhealthy this was.

Periodically I would cancel my subscription and try to quit cold turkey. But I could never resist the temptation to go back on. This cycle has continued ever since and I have not told anyone about this except my therapist who I had to stop seeing because of Covid. And the Covid pandemic has made my addiction even worse because now I feel even more alone although I live with my family. I am 25 years old now, still single and a virgin and I am completely exhausted. I am tired of spending my money on Camgirls when I can save it for better things. I am tired of the shame and the guilt I feel each time I log on for a cam session. I am tired of the anxiety I feel that somehow what I did and am still doing is wrong and somehow constitutes a great mortal sin. I am tired of the chest pains and panic attacks I feel every time I think about my addiction being exposed to the world and how my friends and family would judge me for it.

I'm tired of being this way and I am begging for help. I am asking for someone to listen and help me make the anxiety, shame and guilt go away. I want to live with peace of mind and I can't find any. Nothing in my opinion is worse than being unable to live your life without peace of mind. Tonight I have for another unknown time closed my Streamate account. I want this to be the last time.

Hey Andy, please know you are not alone. Okay listen. You are hurting and broken and ashamed and just want it to be over. I have been there, oh so many times I?ve been there just like so many other guys on here. That?s a good thing. You?ve acknowledged your problem and you just gotta keep going now. One day at a time. I would encouraged you to read other guys stories, those that are currently rebooting, and those that have success stories, also read YBOP.com and understand what?s going on in your brain and why it?s so hard to overcome this addiction. It?s so frustrating, and yet even though we hate it so much we keep falling and going back to it. Keep a journal, everyday post, everyday follow other guys and try to encourage them. It will in turn help you. You need to determine what changes need to be made in your life, what triggers you can cut off and avoid, it may mean taking some drastic action but Andy, it will be oh so worth it. Maybe some Porn Cam site blockers. You can look into several different blocking applications, maybe determine if there are specific times and places that trigger you. I know me having my phone in hand and looking at social media anytime at night is a huge trigger and would almost always lead to PMOing. I made the determination to not allow myself to do that anymore. Find those things, take some steps and then take more steps as you figure them out. Examine yourself like really work on this. It is extremely important. You can overcome this, and it will be worth it. I?m only at 47 days but this is my advice. You?ve started now, don?t stop.

Hello everyone,

So today is the first day since I have begun trying to quit my addiction to camgirls. Its been difficult but I am trying. I made the extra effort of downloading an app on my phone called BlockSite that allows you to block individual websites. I also downloaded it onto my computer and I blocked every cam website I could think of. Each time I tried to go onto Streamate's website I got a notice saying I blocked the website. Needless to say its going to be a long road ahead but I feel its a first step in the right direction.

My anxiety has had control over me all day today. These scenarios have been playing out in my head of my addiction being revealed and its been causing me a lot of stress that I don't need. I'm trying to get my mind off of these scenarios but its been very hard. I want to talk to my parents about everything I've done but I am afraid to. I'm afraid of the judgment and embarrassment I will feel. I don't want to feel this way but right now I'm too ashamed to say anything to anyone. I know what I was doing wasn't illegal but there is this overwhelming feeling of shame and guilt I feel every time I think about the last four years of my life I've spent wasting my time on camgirl websites.

I wish I could go back in time to that moment I was alone in my dorm room the first time I was about to use camgirls. I want to talk to my younger self and tell him to stop and don't do it. Because if I go ahead I will be going down a deep and dark rabbit hole that will give you nothing but anxiety and shame.

Hello everyone,

Its been a couple days since my last post. I have blocked all the webcam model websites I could find using Blocksite. They are blocked on my phone and all my web browsers. Its been easier than I thought it trying to break my addiction. I have continued to use traditional pornography websites but those have never been my addiction.

I have also taken a step further to start seeing my therapist again. Its been over a year since the last time I saw her but that was due to Covid and I'm vaccinated now and so is she. I'm going on Wednesday and I have a lot to talk about concerning my camgirl addiction. One of the things thats been triggering my anxiety is this inability to overcome the shame and guilt I feel. I am constantly punishing myself over the time and money I spent the last four years using camgirls. It gets so bad my heart hurts and I feel chest pains as a result. It gets to the point where sometimes I feel I'm going to give myself a heart attack.

This is followed by an intense sadness and longing to undo the past. I want to go back in time and stop myself from using my first camgirl and prevent everything that followed. I have this image of myself that at one point I used to be a good person but then when I started using camgirls I am no longer a good person. I feel morally corrupt inside and I no longer feel like I am a good person. Its a living hell.

Hi Andy,

I was trapped to cam sites in 2016 and found help. My experience is very similar to yours. There is hope for you.

Cam sites are very evil. They will take your life and your money.

The cold truth is that cam girls are prostitution and very bad form of it.

Can you email me at

[email protected]

Hi Andy,
Everyone's road is their own, but I recommend also aiming to quit the recorded porn in addition to cams. I understand that cams are your central problem, but I also know from my own experience that if you dip into porn, it'll escalate back to where you were before. It's all together.

Check out https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/. It has endless very helpful content you should know if you have not already.

My tips as someone who started recovering during covid, and as someone who has had big successes and big lows are this:
1. cut off access. The circumstances you are in determine a big part of your behavior. Just like if you don't want to eat junk food, the best way is to not buy it at the store. The better your blocking system is, the easier it will be to stay clean. The best way to do this is to simply cut certain electronics out of your lifestyle; it's tough, but we use way more electronics with an internet connection than we actually need. Lock them away, have someone else change the passwords for you, keep them elsewhere. For the ones you do still use, try Covenant Eyes https://www.covenanteyes.com/. It's phenomenal.

2. Improve your circumstances. People use substances in large part because they are filling a need they have. Be social. Exercise. go to bed on time. Eat healthy. I don't know what need you are meeting with cams, but I do know if you build a happier, more fulfilling life, you'll be less inclined to relapse.