Breaking the Chains of Porn

Mookkie

New Member
So, welcome to my journal.

I hope that by sharing my experiences and lessons Ive learned/yet to learn can help someone else on their own path. I also welcome any comments, advice and criticisms of my methods. This journey constantly provides new lessons to learn and I am excited to share and talk about them with all of you.  Thank you for your time and if you have any questions or things I can help with please message.

Let me tell you about myself. I am currently 26 years old and I have been using porn since I was 14, so about 12 years.  I have always used a variety of different methods to escape my unhappy reality since high school. Video games, books, and porn. From 14 onwards, porn become the thing that allowed me to regulate my emotions. It become the panacea for any negative emotions in my life. Unfortunately growing up in a Christian household meant that this habit was always shrouded in secrecy and shame.

During university, this tendancy for escapism only got more intense as my personal freedom improved. Drugs, junk food, cigarettes, video games and porn proved efficient ways to mask the pain of failed relationships and an unwillingness to take responsibility for my self. 

Funny enough it was quiting smoking that opened my eyes to how much power I had in my own life. Thanks to Allen Carr's book I was able to see I actually had agency in my life. This gave me motivation to make changes in many areas of my life and I was healthier and happier than ever before in my life.

Up until that point, I had accepted porn use as perfectly normal and natural, something everybody did. However, after watching Gary Wilson's video on how porn affects the neuroscience of the human brain I become excited to quit porn like I had all the other addictions in my life. After managing about a month of quiting porn cold turkey on willpower alone I realized that porn was a far more serious problem than I thought.

That was back in 2017. Since then, I have been constantly trying to be free of porn. I can safely say that quiting porn is the most difficult thing I have ever done. Even after years of failures, relapses and binges, I am more motivated than ever to leave porn behind me and live the life I want to live. I have also realized that I can't/shouldn't do this on my own. So I hope that by sharing my experiences here I will be able to connect with others who understand the difficulties and the pain. I hope that together we can realize our inate potential and be the people we want to be. 

I will try to post semi regularly, when I have something to share.

Again, please feel free to message and comment your thoughts or advice.

Today marks Day 3.

 

Dantes

Active Member
Hi Mookkie,

I strongly suggest you take a goal to post every day, every other day or every week. This way, you force yourself back to the idea of nofap and strengthen the neural connections that connect PMO to all its disadvantages. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you all the best!
 

Mookkie

New Member
So almost 2 weeks of no relapsing. No regrets and many a close call. Let's go through the benefits so I can stay focused. I know overthinking and over focusing on recovery has been problematic for me in the past. But at the same time trying to forget about/ not think about porn is equally as ineffective. I'm really try to find balance in my life so reviewing the benefits will help me stay focused. So benefits:
  • clear head - no brain fog. Positive mindset
  • Energy - more physical energy. More emotional energy. I have energy reserves
    • Confidence - less anxiety. Easier to make eye contact.Conversations are easy and more enjoyable
    • Interest in relationships - I'm more interested in sexual/intimate relationships. I am more interested in connecting to my friends
    • Future motivated - I am thinking of the future more.


    One key think I have change (thanks to the book "The power of habit") has been figuring out all the places were I get triggered. So for me a big problem area was using my phone in bed. Now no smartphones in bed. Also sitting in front of my laptop in my living room. I've now moved my laptop into my dining room in front of my large balcony windows. I've also realized watching YouTube on my phone was a cause of many triggers so I have deleted the YouTube app off my phone.

    Although I have made more progress than I have for a long while, there have been many close calls and minor slips. I think a key mindset for me has been staying positive and focused on the bigger life goal of making a positive impact on the world. As long as I keep making decisions that align with that goal I should be a great place.

    Day 15
 
I

icanovercome

Guest
Man I really appreciate your honesty. I now dont keep my laptop in my room nor do I use my phone in bed.
Those are major triggers for me... I gotta be careful with youtube as well.
This is why I really appreciate jouranling because for a long time i thought I was a weird horrible person who was sick in the head.... but we all are in the same boat together.. I feel better now.
 
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