Flyfisherman
Member
I'm starting this journal to free myself from PMO. I'm a 24 year old man with a beautiful and loving wife and I work a steady job with a steady income. I have been using P ever since I was a teenager. For the last few years I have been seriously addicted to cam sites, particularly the one with the red backround.
I have read horror stories of guys spending a huge amount of money and getting in debt because of cam sites. I thank God that I haven't spent more than 200 euros (which is still 200 euros too much). My use of these sites has been mostly just edging without spending. Funnily enough whenever I have made the decision to purchase credits I O before making the payment. And whenever I have succesfully purchased credits the biggest excitement goes away. So I seem to get the biggest dopamine hit whenever I'm about to purchase credits.
I haven't been able to go without PMO for more than 14 days since I can remember. Mostly my PMO use comes from boredom. And whenever I get urges I don't care about anything else except getting the dopamine hit.
My wife doesn't know about my addiction. I want to get atleast a little progress before coming clean. I believe I must come clean at some point though, I don't want to be a man with dirty secrets. I just have to hope she will stay by my side.
I usually PMO when I am home alone, which happens a lot since my wife works 9-5 and I have shift work. I have been pondering that I should change my working rhythm also to 9-5 to avoid being alone. I will also install K9 on my PC and have decided that I will throw my smartphone away and just get a simple keypad phone (atleast for the duration of the reboot).
I guess my goal with this reboot is getting rid of the feeling of shame with using PMO. I want to be proud of myself and live with dignity and honour.
I have read horror stories of guys spending a huge amount of money and getting in debt because of cam sites. I thank God that I haven't spent more than 200 euros (which is still 200 euros too much). My use of these sites has been mostly just edging without spending. Funnily enough whenever I have made the decision to purchase credits I O before making the payment. And whenever I have succesfully purchased credits the biggest excitement goes away. So I seem to get the biggest dopamine hit whenever I'm about to purchase credits.
I haven't been able to go without PMO for more than 14 days since I can remember. Mostly my PMO use comes from boredom. And whenever I get urges I don't care about anything else except getting the dopamine hit.
My wife doesn't know about my addiction. I want to get atleast a little progress before coming clean. I believe I must come clean at some point though, I don't want to be a man with dirty secrets. I just have to hope she will stay by my side.
I usually PMO when I am home alone, which happens a lot since my wife works 9-5 and I have shift work. I have been pondering that I should change my working rhythm also to 9-5 to avoid being alone. I will also install K9 on my PC and have decided that I will throw my smartphone away and just get a simple keypad phone (atleast for the duration of the reboot).
I guess my goal with this reboot is getting rid of the feeling of shame with using PMO. I want to be proud of myself and live with dignity and honour.