I have to ask if anyone has experienced "conflicting recovery" issues before? What I mean by that is - when your partner that is recovering from porn addiction needs something in conflict from what you feel you need? My husband and I are continuing to try and figure things out, lots has transpired over the last few weeks - some good, some not.
One thing that happened is my husband felt it was important to no longer "hide" his issues. He told his parents (he is close to them) what happened. Of course, his mother's reaction was to blame me for not being a "good enough" wife. While my husband says he defended me and he backed down (I wasn't there), I am still pissed off. His father just told him "Oh well, you can't change the past" and proceeded to let him know that he would support him and - "Oh well, if we get divorced it will probably be hard on your wife, but she can handle it." My husband is thrilled to no longer be in "hiding" and I am now absolutely horrified that even more people know that my husband would rather jack off to porn than have sex with his wife. Now, that isn't entirely true - my husband has been PMO free for six months (confirmed with a polygraph, has now seen porn since d-day). His mother and I don't have the best relationship and she couldn't wait to get her hands on that information. So now, I am pretty much hiding in the house, not even wanting to show my face as I am sure the entire extended family of great aunt Betty and cousin Tony three times removed have all been told that that I am so terrible in bed my husband had to go off on the computer and she always knew I wouldn't make a good wife after all.
UGH! I know my dh didn't do it to be spiteful, he was thought it was good to stop hiding behind the nice, 'perfect husband' persona. However, the way that society works - he is off the hook and I am being looked at like a big failure. Not one person, even though he knows of multiple that have been told, had reached out a hand of support to me. Lots of folks "rooting for him" and letting him know he is still a great guy, his is awesome and amazing, and wow - look what a brave soul he is for admitting he isn't perfect.
Sure, he is defending me and trying to "defend my honor" as best he can. But, the damage is done and once again - I look and feel like an absolute fool. I swear being married to a porn addict is pretty much the gift that keeps on giving - only lumps of coal instead of tidings of joy.
One thing that happened is my husband felt it was important to no longer "hide" his issues. He told his parents (he is close to them) what happened. Of course, his mother's reaction was to blame me for not being a "good enough" wife. While my husband says he defended me and he backed down (I wasn't there), I am still pissed off. His father just told him "Oh well, you can't change the past" and proceeded to let him know that he would support him and - "Oh well, if we get divorced it will probably be hard on your wife, but she can handle it." My husband is thrilled to no longer be in "hiding" and I am now absolutely horrified that even more people know that my husband would rather jack off to porn than have sex with his wife. Now, that isn't entirely true - my husband has been PMO free for six months (confirmed with a polygraph, has now seen porn since d-day). His mother and I don't have the best relationship and she couldn't wait to get her hands on that information. So now, I am pretty much hiding in the house, not even wanting to show my face as I am sure the entire extended family of great aunt Betty and cousin Tony three times removed have all been told that that I am so terrible in bed my husband had to go off on the computer and she always knew I wouldn't make a good wife after all.
UGH! I know my dh didn't do it to be spiteful, he was thought it was good to stop hiding behind the nice, 'perfect husband' persona. However, the way that society works - he is off the hook and I am being looked at like a big failure. Not one person, even though he knows of multiple that have been told, had reached out a hand of support to me. Lots of folks "rooting for him" and letting him know he is still a great guy, his is awesome and amazing, and wow - look what a brave soul he is for admitting he isn't perfect.
Sure, he is defending me and trying to "defend my honor" as best he can. But, the damage is done and once again - I look and feel like an absolute fool. I swear being married to a porn addict is pretty much the gift that keeps on giving - only lumps of coal instead of tidings of joy.