25yo male w/ social anxiety, eye contact, shyness issues

Okay so I'm going to get straight to the point. I'm 25. Have been addicted to porm for 12 years and since 2015 I've had really really really bad symptoms up until now. Struggled insanely with social anxiety I never really had. Past few years been in my first relationship with a girl and still with her. Had lots of sex out first 2 years and after those 2 years our sex life was pretty shitty because of me. Major pied. No stamina. Having to fantasize. Or even smoke weed to get aroused. She is very sexy. But my porn addiction fucked me up. But yesterday for the 1st time in a long long time. We had amazing sex. Long foreplay before actually fucking. I was so into it. She was super hot to me. Didn't touch my junk as much and was still hard as rock. Anyway, she absolutely loved it and I think she was surprised. I haven't really gone in a long streak before, 2020 I tried my best to recover but relapsed few times. I also relapsed once a week ago but that's it. This year I have big goals for myself to rewire my brain. I've struggled a lot and depressed a lot and very sad of my life. Porn destroyed pretty much everything in my life. My way of thinking, my jobs, my relationships, family, friends, made me very jealous and insecure, brain fog, memory, constantly down, constantly thinking in the past and future, my lack of social skills kills me, I'm afraid to make friends, to laugh, I'm afraid and nervous to do simple things. But anyway, maybe it's because we were drunk and high and having a good time. But I've been drunk and high before and my sex wasn't like that. I wasn't fantasizing at all. I was enjoying our sex. Anybody want to let me know whu this may have happened?
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Hey man, i have got no idea, why this happened to you. A lot of factors play a role in having great sex, not just PIED and porn. But trying to stay away from it as much as possible should definitely help.

Just an advice: If you write in a journal, i think it would be much easier for others to follow your story and comment on what is happening in your life. I think that would be much better, than just always writing a new post in a new journal every single time, because it is so much happening here in this forum right now, that it is hard to keep up with all. Even if you are only posting every months or so, i think you would do yourself a favour by posting it in a single journal, so people have easier access to your previous posts.

Good luck in quitting this shit man.
 
I had a wet dream last night but I don't remember anything sexual with a girl. Just orgasmed. Usually this happens to me when I go like 2 or 3 weeks without PMO. And never really lasted after that. Never even lasted a full 30 days. But since the start of this year, I only relapsed 1 time. And moved on. Had sex recently with my gf. I do feel a little lazy and whatever because of the wet dream but it's not that bad.
 
I noticed I've been having some intense random dreams being off PMO. The past week I've had weird and just crazy dreams. Most of my dreams i can say i was emotional or mad or scared about something or just showing anger. Hitting a woman I know. Twice. Shoving one of them as well. And crying afterwards because I love those women in my life. Yelling. It's just crazy. My last dream was pretty embarrassing. I felt shame. It had nothing to do with porn. But my family was around me and I felt immediate shame and I was scared of their reaction.
 
Fuck, why the fuck am I such a jealous little bitch. When someone close to me is doing better in life, I get jealous or mad at my life because I'm not at the next level. And the main cause is because I LACK SOCIAL SKILLS AND CONNECTING WITH OTHER HUMANS. I fucking hate it. I'm really thinking about getting into martial arts and fitness and I refuse. Because I know I'm going to have to connect with people. As much as I want too. I know its going to be awkward and stupid because of ME and how I am right now. I'm still far from rebooting but to be honest I've been consistent with my thoughts and diet and positivity. I can't stand this shit man. I'm even afraid of getting a better job because I know my brain fog is going to keep me from keeping conversations flowing and connecting with someone to make friends. My stupid addiction fucked that up. N it feels like time is slow for me but time is fast for others. Why am I such a jealous pussy. Makes me depressed and hate life. I literally just change my mood from normal to depressed and angry at myself and label myself a loser. It really makes me want to fight someone I hate or just end myself. But I know that's just the negative voice. These times make me hate my addiction even more the things I've done to myself not knowing I was removing myself from reality.
 
Anybody with really bad social anxiety cured after months ? Around what month did you feel better and want to actually socialize. I feel like I want too so bad but I can't do it naturally. Right now and before I have been feeling just dull. No genuine humor and no genuine happiness from laughing with someone. It feels forced for me like I need to do it and I come off weird.
 

Stiffy999

Active Member
Hey man,
Don't be so hard on yourself...I mean sometimes we all experience jealousy but it is important to eliminate those stupid thoughts from the head and do anything productive instead.Also don't get me wrong,i'm not being pessimistic or something like that but I genuinely think that reboot only regenerates your arousal brain centers and helps little to nothing in fixing social anxiety issues at least in my case.What I want to say is that if you want to cure PIED there is only 1 solution-stop PMO for a period of time and likewise if you want to cure social anxiety,force yourself to start socializing with people for a period of time.Both of these things are pretty hard and require time but in the end if you are persistent it is very well worth the effort.Wish you all the best.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I would not say, that abstaining from porn can not be beneficial for curing social anxiety. Many people describe a increase in social need after their reboot. But i think i think as stiffy says, it might be necessary to also force yourself out there from time to time.
If you perceive your social anxiety as really crippling you in your ability to enjoy life and you dont really find a way out of it, maybe searching therapeutic help might also be beneficial.
 
E

escapeandnevercomeback

Guest
Jeks said:
I would not say, that abstaining from porn can not be beneficial for curing social anxiety. Many people describe a increase in social need after their reboot. But i think i think as stiffy says, it might be necessary to also force yourself out there from time to time.
If you perceive your social anxiety as really crippling you in your ability to enjoy life and you dont really find a way out of it, maybe searching therapeutic help might also be beneficial.

Many people have reported a decrease in social anxiety after reboot or the complete disappearance of anxiety. I could definitely agree. I have pretty bad social anxiety but when I stay away from porn for even 3 weeks, I don't really feel it at all and it's understandable because porn fucks up your dopamine system and dopamine is involved in some things, one being anxiety regulation.
 
Yeah jeks my social anxiety is bad and I truly believe porn and masturbation gave it to me. I wasn't always a super social guy before but I never had a problem making friends and talking to girls. And yeah the porn I've watched and the things I did to myself gave me an insane amount of anxiety. Heart rate racing so fast I would tremble and shake. Right now I've been off of PMO since the beginning of January. I relapsed 1 time like 2 weeks ago and had 2 wet dreams so far. I truly believe this year I'm going to stay off porn and for good. I don't really feel like socializing at all rn and domt see progress in my social anxiety but I definitely dont feel weird like I do when I relapse or watch porn.
 
My mind is really fucking with me. This PMO thing really fucked me up. Some days I'm motivated and some I'm just suicidal or sad and depressed about my life. I've felt very very depressed for the last 5 years since I lost my ability to interact with people and friends I lost. I became very insecure and jealous. I feel like working out, changing my diet, making better habits makes my life harder because I dont see any major results. My mind is so fucking messed up. I sexualize EVERYTHING. I create stupid shit in my head and make myself mad. I'm legit just scared to go up to someone and talk to them. I feel DUMB around normal people. I literally haven't hung out with a friend in years. I have a girlfriend which idk how I was even capable of keeping knowing my situation. I'm barely comfortable around her because of my shit.

I ALWAYS HAVE A SHITTY ATTITUDE, A SHITTY BORING FACE, IM SERIOUS MOST OF THE TIME, I DONT LAUGH AS MUCH AND DONT FIND REGUALR STUFF FUNNY ANYMORE EVEN THOUGH ITS FUNNY. IM SO MESSED UP I FEEL LIKE I HATE EVERYBODY LITERALLY. EVEN IF I DONT KNOW YOU, I HATE YOUR GUTS BECAUSE YOU SEEM LIKE YOUR LIFE IS OKAY. SOUNDS LIKE A JEALOUS BITCH RIGHT? YEAH I WAS NEVER THAT WAY.

Fucking hate this life so much. These are the times I wish my dad wasn't a fucking criminal and could be in my life to make me act right and toughen me up a bit. But I have to do it by myself and it's the hardest thing ever. I'm 25 and I don't even feel like I'm anywhere in life.
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
When you hate your life, there is no other way than trying to start fixing it. I know i state the obvious, but at the same time we all know, that it often times gets out of our conscioussness. So its a good important step to realize, that there is something going wrong in your life and as counter-intuitive as it sounds, sometimes its even a good thing to suffer. Because the pressure of suffering is, what can give you the drive and initiative necessary to overcome these things, if you are not getting paralyzed and swallowed by it. So all i want to say with that is, even if you are right now suffering a tone, notice that the suffering might be at the same time your ticket out of there. And you are doing the first right step by recognizing, that you have got a problem. Commit on fixing that and notice that you are exactly on the right track by doing that and by trying to figure stuff out.
 
Ur right. I just get so mad at myself for being in this situation. The things I've done, the little to no progress in my financial part of life, barely motivated. And to think I only relapsed 2 times this year so far, compared to the past 5 years. Its frustrating. I'm definitely the type that needs months to feel major benefits. I'm by myself 90% of the time and I feel miserable. I see my girlfriend twice a week but I've seen her for the past 5 years. I haven't seen friends in years, as much as I want to have a social connection to people. I can't! My mind is so fucked up. I'm shy, scared and anxiety around people I know. Its ridiculous. Those are the times I feel like such a waste of life and a loser that nobody likes. I workout, i eat better, I try my best to not watch porn and it became a lot easier now to not watch it. It just feels like I'm doing too much and still feel like I'm in the same spot. The normal things to everyone feel and seem amazing to me and I wish I could be fucking normal around people to make friends again. Just makes me want to clone myself and punch the real me right in the fucking face. Thanks though for your response, I actually really love it when someone responds to me I read it more than once. I guess I crave interaction but I'm also afraid of it in person and shy. Smh
 

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thedrummer said:
I workout, i eat better, I try my best to not watch porn and it became a lot easier now to not watch it. It just feels like I'm doing too much and still feel like I'm in the same spot. The normal things to everyone feel and seem amazing to me and I wish I could be fucking normal around people to make friends again.

I know that feeling too well and the sad truth about that is, that change needs time, persistence and continuity. And all three of those pills are very hard to swallow. For me for example. I now have gone now around one year and seven months without porn. I have still ED, i am still studying, bladder problems got in the way, which made me feel like i am worse off than i was before starting to reboot.
I think the first goal should be to get to a place, where your situation is bearable for you. Only you can know and define what that would take for you. But for me it is for example, that i feel like i am on a good way in terms of studing, that i have things at least under control. Also that my ED is maybe not cured, but that there is hope and to know, whether there might be something like Venous Leak involved.
Maybe for you that could mean, that you are not the most confident and funniest guy in the world, but maybe that you can have a good talk with two or three friends regularly. Something like that i dont know. Thats really on you to find out, what is necessary for you to feel like having a good baseline.
And even getting there can take a fucking long time, i am not there myself after 19 months. But i am close, at least much closer than at the start.
At some point it just felt so hopeless, when i thought about, what i would be really like to be, because it just felt too much out of reach for me. Maybe you feel similarly and that can be some advice to you.

Take good care man and keep being commited to create a better life for yourself (in which porn of course has no place).
 
How am I suppose to get better and connecting with people when I cant...........5 years, of different jobs and not one of them I have ever connected with someone or made a friend. The last time in my life I made friends was 2015. I feel stuck in my life. Not wanting to make eye contact or show my face or facial expressions to people. How am I suppose to have a career, or join a sport, if I can't fucking be normal. I'm always nervous and do things to get it over with and never bother caring for small talk or interested in anyone else. I'm always scared to talk to new people. And I hate when people say a lot of people have social anxiety or are nervous. No. What I have isn't horrible. It's no matter how much I try to connect or find interest in someone I cant ever be myself around them naturally. I don't feel like I find joy in interactions.
 
After 2 years trying to recover. 2020 being the year with most relapses. I have relapsed 3 times since the beginning of this year. I have a pretty good routine for working out and trying to make better habits but my social life just sucks horribly. I still struggle with socializing and I have been since 2015. Since that year, I couldn't be humourous with people and even my own friends and family. Till now, it kills me inside and makes me depressed I have this problem. It feels like my brain isn't allowing me to naturally enjoy laughter and conversations with people. I cant make me friends even if I try with someone who has the same interests. It's weird, like if my brain physically blocking those connections from me and another human syncing together and creating a bond. I feel lost, not In touch with people, lonely, sad. I just always avoid people and I get so scared and nervous when so nervous when someone small talks with me and I freeze up and cant think straight and studder and all that crap...I hate it because I want to make friends so bad and connect with people and laugh with them so bad. You guys have no idea. How bad i want that. Idc about anything else, I want to feel like I WANT to meet people and talk to them. Guys and girls.

I finally made an appointment with a therapist to talk too because realize I cant do this alone. I've gotten a lot better with self control but when I slip, I slip hard. I dont have the patience anymore. I WANT TO FEEL HAPPY WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND LAUGH WITH THEM WITHOUT LOOKING SHY AND FEELING SHY AND NERVOUS LIKE A LITTLE WEIRD BITCH.
 

zander13

Active Member
My 2 cents:

Porn for sure wrecks self-esteem/confidence, etc. It for sure gave/gives me anxiety.

Patience is important. You have to wait through the harsh shit to get to where you want to go. Patience is everything.

I would also binge relapse. Can morph into quite an unhealthy pattern, so I'd really try and make some moves. Do whatever you can--look for outside help if you can. I needed it. I wouldn't be clean right now if I didn't receive a good amount of outside help.

Don't let yourself hit bottom. Also, don't be too hard on yourself for how you are right now. I still grapple with these issue too. I still have plenty of periods where I'm anxious and insecure. I just know that the energy I'm giving off is shitty, and though people may not realize it, they are picking up on my crap energy and are treating me accordingly. This, for me, has been one of the worst things about all of this. I know that the man underneath the addiction is confident, and funny, and charming, but he's hidden a lot of the time, and it just sucks. This is where the patience comes in. I know, one day, I'll be on a higher tier of existence, and I won't have to worry about how I'm coming off anymore. I'll just be in the moment. And I truly believe that people will respond to my aura in way that I've never known as an adult. I don't even know what to expect.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time. You don't have to force anything, despite what some people may say. If you weren't an anxious person before you watched porn then I'd bet that your true self isn't as anxious as you believe. Rebooting should be the highest thing on your priority sheet, in my opinion. Not until I took it dead serious was I able to make progress. And things begin to clear up as you move along. You get a slow drip of your inner self. You start to see glimmers of who you were as a child, before we got infected by this bullshit.

Sorry to preach, but I don't have the energy to phrase all of this without coming off as a soap-boxer. Take it all as you will. Good luck.
 
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